03-10-2011, 01:16 AM
David,
Welcome to the forum, although a new addiction has been born I hope you take time to take stock of my advice and words, I will come back to some other posts after.
In 4 months you have experienced my life for 12+ years, I slept in places you would not wish to mention and how I am alive today is only by some Grace of God.
See the thing with this is it depends totally when in life you found you were a Compulsive gambler, I always knew from a young age, it started for me as a excuse to escape, but became the overwriding control in my life.
Has it cost me anything? yes more than you could ever imagine.But all I wanted to do was "stop" to "stop" those voices in my head, "stop" looking at the bank statement after saying "WTF".
I found GA, i was nervous to go, I didnt really want to as I didnt have an issue, but I went and GA gave me something that I can never explain and that is "the courage to change"
GA a meeting and sharing with others will not give you an explanation as to "why" you gambled if you truly wish to have a better life then all you need to know from the past 4 months is that you simply "cannot"
Simply saying you cannot is tough, because everyday is a challenge in respect to "triggers". I want to gamble because someone annoyed me, I want to gamble because the bank phoned for a payment, I want to gamble because work is boring, I want to gamble because a pink elephant flew over Stamford bridge..Any excuse or trigger. Fact is I cannot stop "triggers" and I will always be a compulsive gambler and gambling will always be like being followed by a very angry rottweiller that wishes to bite me on the ass.
The thing is and its not a trick Marko, it is not about just short term fix of the damage we caused its about a long term understanding of if I let that rottweiler bite me it will grip its teeth and not let go until I have no meat left (cash).
I dont make lite of this desease, it knows me and what is important I know it, I wake up and say "your not biting me today" when I go to sleep I know it didnt get me.
There are a few precious things I really value in life now, one of them is "rest" because I sleep without fear that tommorow I cannot control myself, I dont have lots of things, but they will come with time.
All the best at your meeting on Monday and I hope today can be the start of a new you.
TC
B
Welcome to the forum, although a new addiction has been born I hope you take time to take stock of my advice and words, I will come back to some other posts after.
In 4 months you have experienced my life for 12+ years, I slept in places you would not wish to mention and how I am alive today is only by some Grace of God.
See the thing with this is it depends totally when in life you found you were a Compulsive gambler, I always knew from a young age, it started for me as a excuse to escape, but became the overwriding control in my life.
Has it cost me anything? yes more than you could ever imagine.But all I wanted to do was "stop" to "stop" those voices in my head, "stop" looking at the bank statement after saying "WTF".
I found GA, i was nervous to go, I didnt really want to as I didnt have an issue, but I went and GA gave me something that I can never explain and that is "the courage to change"
GA a meeting and sharing with others will not give you an explanation as to "why" you gambled if you truly wish to have a better life then all you need to know from the past 4 months is that you simply "cannot"
Simply saying you cannot is tough, because everyday is a challenge in respect to "triggers". I want to gamble because someone annoyed me, I want to gamble because the bank phoned for a payment, I want to gamble because work is boring, I want to gamble because a pink elephant flew over Stamford bridge..Any excuse or trigger. Fact is I cannot stop "triggers" and I will always be a compulsive gambler and gambling will always be like being followed by a very angry rottweiller that wishes to bite me on the ass.
The thing is and its not a trick Marko, it is not about just short term fix of the damage we caused its about a long term understanding of if I let that rottweiler bite me it will grip its teeth and not let go until I have no meat left (cash).
I dont make lite of this desease, it knows me and what is important I know it, I wake up and say "your not biting me today" when I go to sleep I know it didnt get me.
There are a few precious things I really value in life now, one of them is "rest" because I sleep without fear that tommorow I cannot control myself, I dont have lots of things, but they will come with time.
All the best at your meeting on Monday and I hope today can be the start of a new you.
TC
B