I Am sitting in my din gee flat cold broke.Trying not to gamble the last of my rent and food money.
i have lost my family. home all my savings,just two years ago i had it all.
But i still wont to gamble i am shaking with anxiety if i gamble i will loose i wont let my self win
i just keep playing no matter what.till its all gone.But still the little devil in my brain keeps nagging you can win you can be the one in million who really dos win big then you can get it all back your kids home.i would have never called my self am intelligent person but my god gambling has turned me in to a idiot who wont accept reality.but still i will play and i will lose.i tried GA the people were great but still this illness has in-grossed me totally.god help me because no one else can.
Sorry for ranting but i cant speak to any body about this.even my Besy friend GP.have all given up on me.
Let my storey be a warning to all who have not lost everything yet.
Really feel for you.
I too have lost everything when I had - and should still have - so much.
Gambling bought me the same results and the same feelings. i can't say my financial posion has improved dramatically or that relations with my now ex are any better.....but things are certainly not worse and within my heart I feel a million times better. I accept what I am and how powerless I am. I am and always will be powerless when I gamble....but I'm not now so powerless that I can't resist gambling in the first place.
My advice? Go to GA.....but don't only go there to help yourself....go there to help others by scaring them with your story of where gambling can lead them. Go there being prepared to be inspired. Go there to admire how others have lifted up from their rock bottoms. Go there to encourage others in their recoveries. Go there to applaud what others have achieved. Go there and care about others. Above all... go there and care about others.
The more you care about others the more you will care about yourself. The more you care about yourself the more the thought of gambling will become abhorrent to you. When somebody asks you how you are, don't fob them off with a grunted "ok" but tell them honestly and then ask them how they are and listen and care about their response.
It's a long long road.....but commit to the journey and the scenery gets better and better and takes your mind off your aching feet!
Hi Marko,
Please note this has NEVER been shared by me neither at GA or in reality to others.
I have read your posts for quite some time and im sure you have read mine. Roll back the years till I was 21...the sink in my dingy apartment was full of mouldy knives and forks...my washing strewn everywhere I had lost the plot.
My bedroom walls were covered in writing about those I hated, poems, many things, my clothes were in bags and I slept next to the gas fire as the electric was usually out.
Friends....what friends...my friends became rogues...
roll forwards...6yrs....The fiancee returns home after leaving me....im laid on the floor...crying my eyes out....my soal has been destroyed....she says "your not seeing the girl who called you DAD for many yrs"
the next day I heard two songs that stuck in my mind and I want to share.
The first is "better man" by robbie williams who FYA has the words "god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference" tattood on his arm...
And the second was Oasis "stop Crying your heart out".
now I didnt for the next few yrs understand these songs or what they were saying but I can tell you now....
But after sticking two fingers in the air to gambling and living a day at a time I now know....My future wife knows that I am a Better man....because I stopped crying my heart out and said Just for today I will not gamble.
Gambling took me to my knees Marko and I know you will not hear me and my prayers for you but im sending them to say its YOU who control your own destiny.
TC Go to a meeting mate,.
Barrie
