13-11-2011, 07:17 AM
Dear David,
Hey mate, young man to come on and admit all of that, it takes some courage so I sincerely hope you come back and read my post.
At 18 my mother and Father moved 200miles away from me such was my lifestyle, my father was a short tempered man and I had run away from home at 16, i didnt get very far and it was only a cry for help.
My world was a muddle of thoughts and one thing that I had was a burning desire to gamble, to escape into an arcade, I didnt understand normality, study, work etc...these are all tough things in life.
See I was right, never wrong, but sleeping in a borrowed tent in some woods one xmas at 18 was "just me".
I had already introduced myself to the world of theft by this time, I stole a few hundred pounds from a guy at 17 none of which I am proud of.
Anyway, I didnt have the courage of admission then and my life went wherever the money took me, always confident, but underneath a burning issue, I had zero control over gambling, a good lad but with so much emotional issues it was unreal.
I will not divulge the next 12yrs of my life to you but a lot of it was gambling, situation after situation, I was ultra devious and very much a control freak this is where gambling had taken me, hiding the desease that is a compulsion to gamble.
All the traits of a compulsive gambler I had, lack of patience. frustration, lies, waisted time...I could write a list.
Anyway at 30yrs old my world came crashing down around my ankles, no money, no wife, no gf, no career, what I deem as my rock bottom.
From this time I said "enough" no matter what I do I will not gamble, or give myself the saying "just for today" I will not gamble.
Now I am not the most completely rounded person in the world...I do not have a wonderfull house now or super car, however I AM and have been totally honest with what I am and what I wish to achieve.
I cannot change the past but now my hatred of gambling is very strong indeed, the roulette wheel if you add up all the number comes to 666...and that is my feeling of gambling, its the devil, the one solitary thing that holds us back in life..
Each and every day I go past saying that my money I earn will not be wagered on a spin, a flip of a card, a push of a button then the in that day I win.
Someone could say to me "i won ten million" but for me I was just be happy for them and sit in reflection and say if I won ten million it would bring me untold misery.
Today aged 35 I have slipped in my recovery three times, the last being last April where three hours of "my interview with the devil" said to me I do not wish for my mind to be there...gambling that is.
For the few days afterwards I was like a punch drunk boxer retiring to my corner such is the power of this desease.
I will leave you with this last point:
Some of us who are surrounded by GA and talk often always say we are not bad people we just let something take control of our lives we could not handle.
So in that I apologise to the women I hurt, the broken relationships and people I hurt along the way.
At 18 if you realise what I know and keep knowing everyday I can make one promiss which coming from someone who created so much damage may not mean to much and that is you will do very well in life.
Today I dont surround myself by people who gamble, its not my thing, I just live my life, I gain friends slowly and embrace GA the most important thing i can say is Just for Today I did not gamble.
Find a GA meeting and go with an open mind.
TC
Barrie
Hey mate, young man to come on and admit all of that, it takes some courage so I sincerely hope you come back and read my post.
At 18 my mother and Father moved 200miles away from me such was my lifestyle, my father was a short tempered man and I had run away from home at 16, i didnt get very far and it was only a cry for help.
My world was a muddle of thoughts and one thing that I had was a burning desire to gamble, to escape into an arcade, I didnt understand normality, study, work etc...these are all tough things in life.
See I was right, never wrong, but sleeping in a borrowed tent in some woods one xmas at 18 was "just me".
I had already introduced myself to the world of theft by this time, I stole a few hundred pounds from a guy at 17 none of which I am proud of.
Anyway, I didnt have the courage of admission then and my life went wherever the money took me, always confident, but underneath a burning issue, I had zero control over gambling, a good lad but with so much emotional issues it was unreal.
I will not divulge the next 12yrs of my life to you but a lot of it was gambling, situation after situation, I was ultra devious and very much a control freak this is where gambling had taken me, hiding the desease that is a compulsion to gamble.
All the traits of a compulsive gambler I had, lack of patience. frustration, lies, waisted time...I could write a list.
Anyway at 30yrs old my world came crashing down around my ankles, no money, no wife, no gf, no career, what I deem as my rock bottom.
From this time I said "enough" no matter what I do I will not gamble, or give myself the saying "just for today" I will not gamble.
Now I am not the most completely rounded person in the world...I do not have a wonderfull house now or super car, however I AM and have been totally honest with what I am and what I wish to achieve.
I cannot change the past but now my hatred of gambling is very strong indeed, the roulette wheel if you add up all the number comes to 666...and that is my feeling of gambling, its the devil, the one solitary thing that holds us back in life..
Each and every day I go past saying that my money I earn will not be wagered on a spin, a flip of a card, a push of a button then the in that day I win.
Someone could say to me "i won ten million" but for me I was just be happy for them and sit in reflection and say if I won ten million it would bring me untold misery.
Today aged 35 I have slipped in my recovery three times, the last being last April where three hours of "my interview with the devil" said to me I do not wish for my mind to be there...gambling that is.
For the few days afterwards I was like a punch drunk boxer retiring to my corner such is the power of this desease.
I will leave you with this last point:
Some of us who are surrounded by GA and talk often always say we are not bad people we just let something take control of our lives we could not handle.
So in that I apologise to the women I hurt, the broken relationships and people I hurt along the way.
At 18 if you realise what I know and keep knowing everyday I can make one promiss which coming from someone who created so much damage may not mean to much and that is you will do very well in life.
Today I dont surround myself by people who gamble, its not my thing, I just live my life, I gain friends slowly and embrace GA the most important thing i can say is Just for Today I did not gamble.
Find a GA meeting and go with an open mind.
TC
Barrie