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day 1
right this is the first step. I have never felt so low, depressed or even suicidal. I have gambled and lost thousands in the last 2 months and spent all my life saving. I feel stuck in a complete rut and hate myself. I have told no one and it is completely eating me up inside and I don't know wheat to do or how I can get better.
Dear cp8546,

I would recommend attendance at Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meetings.
They helped me immensely.
You can find their locations, times and how to get there by clicking on the meetings tab.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling. There are no dues or fees for GA membership, we are self supporting through our own contributions. GA is not allied with any sect, denomination, organisation or institution and neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stop our gambling and help other compulsive gamblers to do the same.

Please come to a meeting and meet other people who have been in similar situations to where you are right now. Talk and listen to find out how they have got better and help yourself towards a better future.

'Poster' David
Hi cp8546.

Well done on posting and starting to open up a window to the outside world.

I too felt all depressed and suicidal and was filled with selfloathing and hate. When you have tried to deal with your destructive behaviour over and over again and nothing seem to work, it just all build up within you.

For both of us, there is another way though. I can only stress this over and over again, there is hope even for us! We too are only humans, and no matter what we have done, we are worthy of understanding, acceptance and love. So many far worse off then the two of us have done it before, changed themselves and their whole outlook on life, through the connection to someting higher, being able to abstain from gambling and working within the 12 steps program.

For me reading around on this forum, posts from members in different stages of recovery, the "a day at a time" postings, the twenty question, posting myself, and then going to the chat, helped me build up the courage to go to a meeting. Everything then begins to build onwards from there.

Hope probably seems unattainable and like a fairytale for you at the moment, atleast it used to feel that way to me. I even tried to avoid hope all together, since with hope, I told myself, always came disappointment. But the kind of hope and inner awakening that I was subjected to within GA, is true hope. And true hope is lifechanging.

There is another way, and you can do it to. <3
Its the trying to be positive for the millionth time isnt it?the starting again again and the promise that ul never gamble one AGAIN for me altho to be fair i am so sick of fighting and letting everyone there any hope for me?????self pity is not a good trait so apologies,i first came to this site in may and managed to go 7 wks but then lost my way big time.meetings were and are a no go its way out of town for me and i dont drive,buses round my area bit dodgey to say the least and think id have to get 3!! would love to attend,anyone live near ipswich and attend norwich or cambridge meetings let me no!!!!would pay petrol.any pearls of wisdom or advice would be greatly all those on day one good luck,be strong.keep posting and use the chatrooms.xx

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