02-12-2011, 06:12 AM
Maverick. Wrote:Hi gadaveuk
Thanks for sharing mate.
We are all the same but I do understand we are all different.
Wish you well in your recovery and life.
Take care
Love
Maverick
Hi Maverick
"Just for today" helps me deal one thing at atime and one day at atime.
It has been 19 years since my last bet do I expect any one to believe that fact, no because I have difficulty in believing it myself.
For a third of my life I was a very unhealthy person one way or another.
When I was a teenager I tried to take my own life.
Yet because my life was so painful I got in to the habit of burying and suppressing my feelings.
That attempt of suicide was for real,
I took what was needed to end my life and went to bed like nothing was wrong with me.
The next morning I woke up I felt a complete failure.
Today my honesty is not just from my thinking but more about my base feelings.
I expose my true feelings as I cry more I laugh more.
That inner child is able to come out to play and have fun and be excited by life.
When in my addictions and obsessions was I really living my life in ehalthy way?
Not at all the spiritual recovery program her enightened me to be honest with myself and the with other people.
Do I want to live isolated living in fear and self doubt for teh rest of my life?
Not today thank you very much.
Can I say that I will never gamble again?
No that would imply that I control my gambling.
Am I putting more effort in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions today?
"Just for today" for me is about slow baby steps towards spiritual strength no more justifying my actions which I know goes against my own conscience.,
No more easy options, no more lying, every thing I feel today is real.
No more roller coaster rides just nice calm steady spiritual growth.
When I walked in to recovery I did not think I needed or wanted recovery.
Today I both need or want more of recovery than ever before.
For me Recovery and spirtual values became my belief system when I had lost all faith and hope in myself and others.
When I said to myself who cares any way I lost all faith and hope in myself and did not care about myself.
Yes we are all the same in that we have done unhealthy things to our selves and others.
Yet once you fully grasp the spiritual recovery program you never want to let go of it again.
I was emotionally vulnerable and had triggers long before my first bet or my first drink.
What am I willing to do to improve the quality of my life today?
How could I be honest with other people when I could not even be honest with myself?
Those promises I use to make were useless and worthless in those days.
Love and peace to everyone Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
PS Shame tehy removed the main part of understanding what step one and step two were all about to me.