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addicted to online slots
#1
Hi, i'm new to this and i'm not really sure what i should be saying.... i guess starting with the truth will help!
i started playing online bingo around 2 years ago, at first it was just for fun and i enjoyed it, i'd put a tenner on every few weeks and that was enough for me.... until one day for some reason i clicked on the slots button BIG MISTAKE!!! before i knew it i'd spent my tenner so i put on another and then twenty and then more! i had a win and that made me happy, i withdrew it and felt pleased with myself.

the next day i done the same, and one note turned into another and i didnt win but i wasnt that bothered.

to cut a long story short i have become addicted to these slots, spending hundreds of pounds a week, my partner and i both work, we're not what i would say well off, but we have a decent enough life....well we did before i started playing slots!! i have hidden this addiction for around a year, spending every penny we have on online slots, nobody knew i was playing, i would lie to my partner about where the money had gone, he didnt govern the money, his a good man and just handed it all over and as long as he had a few quid in his pocket he never asked where the rest of our wages went!

I self excluded myself for around 2 weeks and didnt play, but it was so easy to open more accounts, using different sites..... things have really got out of control, we never have no money, i never treat my children or grandchildren, we never go out for nice meals, we cant meet friends for a social drink...the list is endless!! the guilt i feel has been a terrible weight on my shoulders but i just couldnt stop myself, even if i won a few hundred i would put it straight back on and play it!! in my mind i have tried to make justify my gambling, even though i know i'm only kidding myself!!

Yesterday i rang a good friend (who is also my boss) and broke down to him... it was so hard admitting i had a problem, i felt embarassed, stupid and so worthless! i asked him not to tell my partner, but he talked me round and said that although he would help me as much as he can i also needed the support of my family. My boss rang my partner (they are best mates) and explained what had happened, he told him to come home and talk with me.

i sat for an hour and panicked, i was expecting my partner to come home, pack his bags and leave...in this time i also rang my mum and admitted to her i had a problem. she was understanding and promised to support me in anyway she could.... my partner came home, he knocked on the door and i wanted to run out the back door, i was so scared, but he just walked in and hugged me and told me not to worry, we can sort everything out and it will all be ok in the end! we cant change the past, but we can make the future brighter 1 day at a time.

we sat down and sorted our finances, his cancelled all of my debit cards and will take charge of the money from now on, i'll have a minimal amount of money in my account to get bits and pieces and he will check my online account every few days to make sure i'm not gambling.

I dont know if this is a good way forward, so i would appriciate any advice, im going to a GA meeting next week.

one thing i will say is now i've come clean and no longer have to hide things...i feel so much better!! i've woke up this morning and i feel releif, i feel alive, and most of all i know im not gonna spend the day lying and hiding behind a laptop screen!!

its early days and i have a long journey ahead... but 1 day at a time from now on.

If anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appriciated.
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#2
xtjbx Wrote:im going to a GA meeting next week.

its early days and i have a long journey ahead... but 1 day at a time from now on.

Hi Xtjbx,

Welcome to the GA forum,

Sounds like you've admitted to yourself you have a problem with gambling addiction and have made some positive action steps to help you abstain from this illness...

My family have been equally brilliant with me....emotionally, spiritually and physically - they support me and help me on a daily basis...

What I remind myself daily is this addiction doesn’t go away...It sits in wait and if I ever start to think I’ve got this illness cured / sorted, it will come back and bite me....As it has done many times before...

Just for Today, I make sure I keep taking my recovery medicine which for me is the GA recovery programme....you'll get details of this at your first meeting....if not ask about it...
Also they should explain all the help available in GA....It’s ridiculous the amount of help available really....i just need to be willing to accept it...

Anyway let us know how you’re doing in the coming days, months and years...
All the best in unity
Smartie
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#3
Thank you so much Barriee and Smartie, your kind words mean so much!! it great to know people understand!

its been four days now since i gambled, and already i feel so proud of myself! although i'm not gonna try and kid myself i have this beaten.... I believe i will never have it beaten, but i will just have it under control!

have i though about gambling?? yep today i have!! but i didnt and i thank god that i've had the strength to stop myself!!

Katie... i hope your ok?? and i hope your husband understood and is going to stick by you!! please let me know how things went xxx


Looking on this site was one of the best things i have done in the past year or so!!
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#4
tigratart Wrote:its like a vicious circle.

I felt the same tigra...

So what where my options?

Continue doing the same as i'd always done..and get the same results...

or try something different....

Eventually...and it was many years later, I decided to go to GA when i had a desire to stop gambling AND accepted i couldn't stop on my own...

If you are at that point...check out your nearest GA group on the main GA page and just go...

I wish you the best

Smartie
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#5
Hiya all,

well its now 2 weeks for me since i last gambled!! <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

i'm feeling so much better and even have a bit of money in the bank....first time for ages!

its a struggle but i feel so much more alive and happy for it.

hope you are all doing well.

sending you all lota of love and strenght!!

1 day at a time xxx
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#6
Welcome Giveup,

In GA we don't give advice, but we do tell our own person stories to help each other recovery...

I know in the past i've managed to sort out my gambling debts only to build them up again when i thought i couldn't lose...Fortunately I managed to get free advice and there are many places available that offer this...just search for it online...

For me the only long term solution was to work on my gambling addiction....If I could not gamble as many friends / family suggested, I'd be fine...but I accept I'm a compulsive gambler and I need help to recover from this illness....

I wish you the best..Let us know how your going...
In unity
Smartie xxx
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#7
luckyminxx Wrote:I am scared to give up and lose the chance to "win" back something back and get us back on track, does that make sense to anyone?

Yes Lucky, it makes sense to me...

This is the addiction inside of me saying I can win...although ultimately i know i couldn't...and even when I did win amounts of money, I always wanted more...

Have you read the new to ga section on the main ga page lucky?
You've not mentioned whether you've been to a GA group?

Anyway i wish you the best..
In unity
Smartie
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#8
carmen777 Wrote:Hi fellow gamblers, this is the first day that I have not been stuck behind my computer feeding money to on-line slot machines.It all started 2 years ago when I won quite a large amount of money.As you do I was not happy until I lost all the money that I had won. Often I leave my self short and feel disgusted with myself for spending my husbands hard earned cash. Up until 2 years ago I had never even placed a bet on anything.I think that this problem began when I stopped nursing. I was told yesterday that we are to become grandparents.So I have decided that the money that I waste in a day is all going to be spent on buying nice things for the baby.It really is mind over matter.I was brought up in a large family and my mother and father worked there fingers to the bone,to feed and cloth us.I am so ashamed of myself.

Firstly congratulations on your news that you will soon be a grandparent...

You haven't mentioned how you plan to stop gambling....Just know that if you want any help you can always turn to your local GA meeting and the GA recovery program...

All the best
Smartie
xxx
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