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I am 6 weeks into recovery . I have just read the orange book from start to finish yet again and I have this urge to share my experiences for no other reason than I can. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing this.
I am a life longer gambler , for the past 35 years. I have suffered as many of us have, factually I have lost thousands, a wife, a home and could have lost my life. Emotionally I have lost more. I have lost years moping in a nightmare world of the compulsive gambler. I have attended GA on and off for over 10 years but never managed more than 5 or 6 months. For some reason this time I seem to have found something different. I won't dwell on why it hasn't worked for me in the past but why I think it's working for me now. In the past I listened and understood what the program was about, but I didn't embrace it. A key for me this time as an atheist is that my higher power is humanity, that as a person we all have special qualities an a inate desire to be part of a community. I have found joy in not being obsessed by me and how I think and feel, I know we should put our recovery first but my recovery is being fuelled by not putting myself at the centre of everything . I hope this is making sense.
I am beginning to see how the changes I am conscientiously making to myself are having positive effects on my children , mother, friends. I know I have a long way to go with this and have to return to bridges where the cinders are long gone. I dealt with people by totally cutting them off, If I was hard done to or perceived to be I would just refuse to interact with those people. I am talking my ex spouse and family members. I don't feel able to do this yet. At meetings I express the fact I can't believe things are going so well and how different I feel to my previous experiences, I am not complacent and still very early in this period of not gambling, but I feel truly inspired to become the better person I know I am and can be, I still think of gambling every day, but I am getting stronger on not acting upon those thoughts.
I felt the need to post to share my experience and put in writing for my future reference the almost euphoric feelings I am currently having.

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