Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
I am a compulsive gambler and not gambled for 6 months. I have tried GA for 10 years on and off but this time I feel I am recovering as opposed to abstaining. I have tried to change the way I see and do things , tried to work the program and be determined to change. it's hard , and some aspects are harder than others.
Xmas has become a time of year I dread. In the past it has been a time where I have gambled heavily as an excuse to get extra money, also payday changes so I could access wages before all the debts and commitments are paid. January was always a month of threatening letters, repeated phone calls and regrets. None of which I currently have.
It was Xmas day 8 years ago my ex took the kids and left it wasn't that straight forward , but basically that was the official end of the marriage. Xmas day for the last few years has been a day on my own watching catch up tv and blocking out everything else.
I have a new partner now who wants me to do normal Xmas activities , I don't feel ready. I have explained it to her and she says she understands and its up to me.
Why do I feel this way
It is set in my ex taking my kids, having no money through gambling but also a feeling of self worth , not wanting people to be nice to me , buying me presents I haven't reciprocated.
I am trying to change these feelings and be a recovering gambler however it is still October and people are making plans for this special day ,meal which for me has totally negative feelings. I just don't want to consider this now but it is weighing heavy on my mind.
I have posted to write down my thoughts, to show how irrational this illness is, and demonstrate what a long slow process recovery can be
In strength and unity
Hello Rovit

Thank you for posting that. Xmas is often a difficult time for me too, for many similar reasons. So, I can really relate to your post. It can be quite damaging for me to be thinking about it so early on. I know people like to plan ahead but it plays on my mind continually as I have no idea what frame of mind I will be in on the day (or closer to the time). One thing i do know is although I haven't made plans for some time now, whenever I do spend Xmas with good people it is ALWAYS better than being by myself.

The recovery process and the recovery program can be a struggle for most compulsive gamblers (or addicts in general). Many people try to tackle it on their own which is not very beneficial. Allowing others into your life, especially your personal life (like we do when we share). can be an almost daunting task for many. Therefore delving into the unknown and sharing this is often met with defense. If you can, find a Steps meeting and attend or, get yourself a sponsor and go through the Steps with them.

Big Dave (Uxbridge/Eastcote)

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)