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I am a very selfish person today regards spiritual recovery
My Name is Dave of Beckenham. I Am becoming healthier in a spiritual way. Yet I am not a religious person.

I am a very selfish person today, it is important for me to place spiritual recovery is my very fist priority.

At one time I could quote 12 steps from memory.

I use to quote lik a parrot yet was unable to understand why or how true healthy recovery works.

The spiritual recovery is a healing process for me.

Sadly if I was not wiling or able to be honest to myself as to how unhealthy I was I could no do any thing about it.

Just for today I will not gamble is a healthy boundary I set for myself, that was going to be a healthy conscious decision on my part.

I am being tested both physically and emotionally, and it is some times hard to get all things in order even today

Yet no matter what happens I am determined to remain focused and not let fears cause me to go in to panic mode.

I have some serious decisions recently which are important to my growth.

How could it take me over 23 years to learn step one, only one paragraph yet so hard to understand and to grasp.

Step one for me was about understanding my emotional triggers.

My unhealed unresolved pains use to cause me to be angry.

My unfaced fears use to cause me to be angry.

My frustrations use to cause me to be angry.

My loneliness use to cause me to feel very vulnerable.

Me not having a healthy full life caused me to feel bored and unchanged.

Gratitude was some thing that was missing from my life at one time.

For me today as I became healthier my values changed.

All the time I was focused on status money and material items.

Today my relationships with people are what is important to me.

Over time I recognized that I felt isolated and lonely and then recognized my fears and also my fear of intimacy with people.

I certainly lived a large period of my life unable to heal and nurture my pains.

Every traumatic unresolved painful periods of my life left me with unrecognisable fears in my adult hood.

One of the most inhibiting fears was that of rejection and abandonment.

I am able to live a healthy life today and my values change as I mature.

Some people think that you have to be religious to be a spiritual person, That is not so.

Our conscience is very much spiritual based.

When we hurt other people in any way we hurt our self.

Yesterday we were very productive as a team. I am more useful these days.

There was a time when I wished my life away, I was afraid of living and afraid of dying.

I use to think and feel that I loved gambling, the lllusion of love was because it gave me excitement and such an adrenaline rush.

Today I am more stable and relaxed and not living on the edge of my nerves.

Usually I caused myself a lot of pain due to my unreasonable expectations of life and of other people.

When people were angry or upset I took their issues on board.

My resentments and being over sensitive told me that I was not able to or not willing to heal my pains.

What do we class as being successful, money material thing, or is it bout being more spiritual and content with who we are where we are an knowing we do the very best we can do in any thing we try our hand at.

Once in my journey of recovery there was more success and less failure.

In fact my theory is that every thing in our life is just a test of our steel.

How we deal with lifes tests is a measure of our recovery.

Shirley & I are both working hard to get things done in our time.

I did not have a clue how important the spiritual recovery program was going to have on me.

I walked in to the recovery program emotionally traumatized, not able to see any thing clearly.

My questions were due to my insecurity I had learned to live my life on the edge of my nerves.

With each lie came more fear, in time I was able to get honest with myself.

No matter when a person had their last bet, I am an equal to them.

I am able to be more accountable to myself today.

I understand most aspects of the recovery program.

My motives for doing things are not resentful, I do things willingly.

I am not torn a part with rage and anger, I am content with myself today.

I was not stupid bad or evil, I was just a very weak vulnerable unhealthy person.

I am doing well and trying to have full healthy productive days yet while respecting my physical limits.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

The obsessions and addictions were an indicator that I had poor resolve in how I felt with in myself.

Fear was a way of me protecting myself

I no longer want to live in fear any more.

I do not fear the gambling establishments today.

I use to say that I wanted to be normal.

Today I want to be healthier than normal.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave Of Beckenham
GA primary purpose is to help has a second help others in the fellowship too...

That is anything but selfish...its giving...

Smartie xx

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