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Desparate Wife of a Gambler
#1
My lie was I thought I was good at gambling too...the reality is I wasn't...

You mention your nearest GA meeting is around an hour away? For many this is quite normal....after all I'd have spent a lot more time gambling or planning to place bets...

However after your partner has been in GA for a while he may be able to help GA to set up a new group a bit closer to you....It will need an understanding of how GA works and other GA members to help through involvement.

I hope he gets to the meeting soon and starts his recovery...

Someone will take him through how GA works....we offer a 12 step recovery program that people work on a daily basis and the great news is it works when I work it...

You might want to consider getting in touch with Gan-anon (the sister organisation of GA for families and friends)...Details are on Main GA page...

Any other questions just ask...

Smartie xx
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#2
Karen-Churchill Wrote:Getting to a meeting will be impossible before the end if this month... And then we've got next month where I am having to pick up the pieces financially on an equally tight budget.
My husband might be able to make one... But until our finances are cleared, that won't happen.
Obviously people can get free petrol from somewhere we can't? Or are there people who are able to do car shares?
An hour each way for us financially, even just a couple times a month will cripple us financially right now (as if I have enough to worry about.. Just to get food on our table!) and he needs that help now.
It simply is not feasible... Or he would already be more than a few years in regular attendance.

Hi Karen

I can only speak for myself but gambling had me on my knees....
I'd tried every way i could think to stop....including self excluding, using other services etc...but nothing worked...
Could I afford petrol...not really...especially when I first attended...but I was desperate...
The thing I had to consider was if I didn't get the help, the money would be gone anyway...and a whole load more that I hadn't accounted for....
So i borrowed, begged and...
Perhaps if he gets to his nearest meeting someone may live reasonably near by who would consider a car share (happens a lot)?
Have you done a search for other support out there? A simple online search gambling help UK brings up most of it....
I'd never turn down any sort of help and I try and pick up as much as I can...

Hope you keep in touch and let us know how things go...
Smartie xx
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#3
There is an online meeting in the chat room every Sunday evening at 8pm I believe. It's not quite the same as a 'bricks and mortar' meeting but it is certainly better than nothing.

Also, the meeting/s that's closest to you (in the meetings section) does it have a 'Contact Meeting' tab to click on? Your husband might be able to contact the meeting and find out if there is anyone who lives in your area who could give him a lift. Failing that tell us where you live and maybe someone ready this thread might be able to give him a lift.

So you see there are some things in place for your husband already.

GA is not a public service it is a self help organisation, therefore it is down to an individual to seek out the help on offer. Many people have many reasons/obstacles why they cannot attend meetings, money being one of the most common, I fully understand the pitfalls. But, being a compulsive gambler, lack of money NEVER stopped me from gambling! If there hadn't been a GA meeting close to me it would have been the perfect excuse why I could not give up gambling straight away. However, There would have been no way I could have put my gambling 'on hold' until I was able to get to my nearest meeting. I had to get to that first meeting otherwise I would have taken far more people down with me. For almost my first year in GA I relied upon lifts from other members to get me to meetings which they did without question, they would sometimes even put money in the collection for me because they knew I was pot-less. I see this type of support and selfless generosity happening throughout GA and there is no reason why it would not be the same for your husband.

It is common for a GA member to go out of their way for another GA member, whether they know them or not.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge/High Wycombe)
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#4
Karen-Churchill Wrote:Hi Smartie,
Thank you... I know you're trying to help, but we simply don't have the capacity to get to a meeting.

Our current situation: we have a small a week to get us through til next payday. That money will be divided between the following; our son's school bus fare... the week's petrol, just enough to get my husband to and from work. Then what's left on food essentials.
We have a car that failed its MOT two weeks ago and although my husband is brilliant with cars, there's only so much he can do without the money for parts. I have had my best friend give me some money so that I can fill my freezer... Which I've done... And I have to make that last the month. Our boys are aged 9,11 and 13...and they're like locusts.
I have amazing parents who would help all they can... But they're old and they already do enough for us. They've got their own things to worry about. I have asked them a hundred times before to bail us out.
My husband doesn't know my friend bailed us out.
Our credit card is maxed out, our bank account empty. We can't borrow any more money. We have debts too which restrict us further.

Hi Karen
I appreciate your sharing...it means a lot...given i'm sure your incredibly frustrated and probably other emotions...
Have you looked at the other help around? Did you do that search online?
Much of that other help may be more available to you for now and perhaps that may be enough...

Personally it frustrates me that there aren't more GA groups in major areas of the UK....but its a bit of a chicken and egg situation....people need to have an idea how GA works to open up a meeting but once someone is in a group they seem to have little interest in helping GA to open up more groups...

If you personal message me I may be able to get you in touch with your nearest group....no promises but I can certainly try...

Other ideas from my experience....GA is a 12 step organisation, but there are other (Anonymous) 12 step fellowships around....If you check when these groups have open meetings both you and your husband may be able to attend...Its not ideal but it will give you an idea how GA works from a different perspective...

Keep in touch
Smartie xx
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