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Heartbreak - Ange - 12-02-2019

Hi my husband is a recovering compulsive gambler who has walked out on me, he left me and will not talk to me, he is acting like he hates me! I was going to the family group at gam anon and I thought our life was probably going to be in the best place it had ever been and it really was getting better he was doing so well, after all the years the gambling had nearly destroyed us! Well I am heartbroken because now he is in recovery which is brilliant but I do not understand why this has happened I know that he used to say that every time something good happened he seemed to destruct but I just don’t know because I read about people who come through recovery but has anyone any experience of this happening during recovery, I am heartbroken and confused and still suffering and trying to navigate through what has happened as well as recover myself still from the years the effect of his illness has had on me! I feel like I really believed in him when nobody else did not even himself, stood by him through so much and now he has thrown me away without any explanation!!

RE: Heartbreak - smartie - 13-02-2019

Firstly Ange, well done for sharing. Cant have been easy and whilst i can't offer direct experience, I can offer my experience of the illness...

Secondly i hope you are still attending Gam-anon.. Zero reason why you shouldn't still attend and probably may help you to keep the support i hope the group is offering you...

Its interesting when you say your hushand is a recovering compulsive gambler because for me it very much is an on going journey. Sometimes i fall badly, make bad decisions, but its what happens then that matters. Was couples counselling, relate etc discussed at any point?

I really feel for you and hope you can find a way to keep yourself and your family safe. Maybe there is hope still in this situation but regardless you are not the one with this illness. I really hope you get through this...

Keep sharing...

Smartie xx

RE: Heartbreak - Ange - 14-02-2019

Hi thank you for you support no couples counselling or anything was discussed nothing was discussed, he will not talk to me and I am trying to keep my family safe but it hurts and they are all hurt too and it’s hard for them to see me so upset. He was my best friend as well as my husband and I could never treat another human being in that way even if I wanted things to be over as I have done once or twice because of the gambling but I always stood by him and we would figure it out. Thanks again

RE: Heartbreak - Chris_b - 15-02-2019

Hi Ange, sorry to hear what you're going through. As a gambler, once I started my recovery I found my life with my (then) wife just got better as the only thing ever wrong was linked to gambling. What I can say from a gambler point of view is once I started getting a clear mind it was easier to make sense of things like relationships, debts, looking forward, etc, so all I can think of is either your husband has realised what he has put you through and decided to not put you through it again or isn't in the place where you think he is recovery wise. I'm sure something will come out later to explain his behaviour.
Whatever the outcome, stay strong for yourself. Do the right thing for you. I wish you well.

RE: Heartbreak - Ange - 19-02-2019

Thank you i am devastated and confused in fact I feel like I am going through all the motions of how he must have felt right now, I have the fog of confusion, the despair and worry and my self esteem I am hanging on to by a thread, and he is a different person to the man I know we have had 1 decent talk although not nearly enough was spoken about as he is an avoidant so is very difficult to say everything I want to say without him running a mile, and the next time I speak to him he is angry, I actually feel that if I were to disappear and he never saw me again it would make him the happy but I loved this man unconditionally and my feeling will not disappear and sometimes I just wish they would, it is so confusing loving somebody so much and then trying to block them out, when there have been so many happy times and we had a future

RE: Heartbreak - Chris_b - 25-02-2019

It's clear that you are suffering, but step back and look at it objectively if you can. You were being manipulated when he was gambling and unfortunately it appears that you still are. Please start looking after yourself. It's difficult to have a conversation and give advice and listen to what's being said just by an occasional message but try to speak to others who understand. Gam anon supports the family and friends of compulsive gamblers and there will be people in similar situations who you can talk to. Good luck.

RE: Heartbreak - Chris_b - 15-03-2019

Hi Ange, any progress? I've messaged you but you might not realise you have your own message system on here.