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First time here after num...
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A new issue
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24 hours without a bet
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A person once said that h...
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My addictions and my obse...
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New to the idea of talkin...
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Steps in my recovery were...
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Due to my addiction I use...
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For me recovery is healin...
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Just some of my fears whi...
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  A person once said that he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler, instant shock
Posted by: gadaveuk - 02-11-2020, 10:04 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

How could a person say he was glad that he was a compulsive Gambler.

Yet once explained it all made common sense to me.

The healthy people in the recovery program would him understand that was an unhealthy person yet before recovery he did not think he had any emotional issues.

I have been in recovery some time and now understand so much more about myself.

It was hard to admit to myself that I was a vulnerable person, to understand that my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms.

People in recovery will often want to escape in other ways to obsessions and escape people life and situations.

It was important for me to hand over my finances, after all the money was the fuel for my additions.

No one was going to make me do any thing I did not want to do.

There were occasions that people in the recovery worked for Gambling establishments and I use to have hatred towards such people.

In time I would understand that no one forced me to do things I did not want to do.

For me the recovery program is a healing process, yet I could only heal my pains once I recognized the pains were with in me.

It was so hard to identify in me all the pains I had built up over many decades.

Yet recovery would be healthy for me, sharing my therapies, to learn to articulate my feelings and emotions in healthy non threatening way.

Money on its own was not going to make me happy, money was not going to make me feel successful, money was not going to heal my pains, money was not going to heal other peoples pains, money was not going to rid my fears, money was only to give me more choices.

The emotional roller coaster of being consumed by gambling was horrific.

Looking at machines was a risk taking self abuse escape, rolling the dice a self abuse escape, seeing racing horses or dogs a self abuse escape, the turn of cards a self abuse escape, racing and speeding a self abuse escape.

It takes time to exchange an unhealthy habit in to healthy habit, every unhealthy habit leads to much healthier goals and motives.

No one could stop me gambling, no one could make me do any thing I did not want to do.

Yesterday was a productive day, cleaning the car out, putting up new set of Christmas tree lights, tidying up the garage.

I use to stress my self out at Christmas time, not plan things out, not do Christmas card lists, not do Christmas present lists, and sadly on Christmas we could not relax and enjoy the day.

Then right after Christmas day, worry about money spent and credit cards.

In my recovery I would identify each emotional trigger and face each one, one at a time.

My life before my recovery lacked patience and tolerance, I was hard on myself and was hard on other people.

I could not validate myself, I could not compliment myself, I found it hard to find any emotional intimacy with other people.

On first entering the recovery program people giving me hugs scared the living hell out of me.

People pushing religion and God on to me scared the living hell out of me.

I even asked one old time can a person find a healthy recovery, his answer was yes providing you come to believe in some thing or the recovery program.

In time I saw potential in other people and those people I saw and felt myself.

It was very hard to slow my pace down, to not rush at things, to not race in my car any more.

Contentment is differing levels of satisfaction in the world around me and satisfaction in my self.

My progress, my healthy motivation, fulfilling my needs, fulfilling my wants, fulfilling my goals, to move from unhealthy reactions towards healthy interactions with all people.

Expressing my gratitude, and  expressing my appreciations was an expression of my new found healthy values.

Before my recovery I would go to work, yet out side work did not have any healthy practices.

Each time I broke out gambling or escaping I needed to understand my emotional triggers, was I escaping people, myself, my feelings and my emotions.

Was I escaping people life or situations I could not emotional cope with.

The most important things in my life today is my healthy relationships, my time and having healthy interactions with all people healthy or not.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  24 hours without a bet
Posted by: muzikgenie - 30-10-2020, 01:04 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

So ive gone 24 hours without a bet. Dreading the weekend as its non stop football, my go to source of betting. I quit Poker years ago after ending up in A and E after on online poker binge. 
Feeling like crap at the moment as I had to borrow money from my parents on Monday, and I straight up lied to them, I didn't tell them I was gambling on football and ignoring my wife all weekend. To be honest last few days ive felt like if I had a spare few grand in my pocket I would pack my bags and leave. But I couldn't do that to my parents and my wife, they are my world, my wife is my soul mate and my best friend, she is amazing and has always tried to help me regarding my mental health and my gambling.

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  Steps in my recovery were slow yet simple and self rewarding
Posted by: gadaveuk - 27-10-2020, 08:04 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I did not go to meetings for myself.

There was implications that I was a selfish person, that was not quite correct.

I was how ever self destructive not the same thing.

The longer time I was being consumed by my addictions and my obsessions the harder for me to become healthier and to heal.

There was implications that I was only going to get healthy through religion, that was not correct.

My implications to myself was that I was angry at the casinos and the staff that worked there.

Sadly they did not make me do any thing that I did not want to do.

The truth was I was angry at myself.

Some people might think that abstaining is recovery, for me by abstaining only then could my recovery even start.

I see and view therapies and recovery is very simular to mountain climbing.

That at the beginning of my recovery I needed to learn from other people healthy skills.

In my addictions and in my obsessions I was escaping from people life and situations I could not cope with.

From other people healthy skills I was going to understand what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

Rushing through life was not very healthy.

Speeding and taking risks was not very healthy.

For me being angry was not very healthy.

For me being angry indicates there are pains in me that are not healed.

For me being angry indicates that my fears in me are not being faced.

For me being angry indicates that my frustrations in me are due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I am truly hurting myself.

Before my recovery I use to react in such unhealthy ways.

Today in taking my recovery seriously I am able to interact in such unhealthy ways.


My emotional triggers were my pains my fears my frustrations my loneliness and my boredom.

Before my recovery I use to be an expressive aggressive yet also I could be a suppressive aggressive.

One counsellor had me beat a cushion with a tennis racket, sounds very weird I know yet while I was hitting that cushion I was laughing out loud. Weird.

I did karate for two years to find out that I feared aggression and confrontation, where did that come from, the anger my parents had with in each of them.

The question is can I be a healthy loving person if I have with in myself so much pent up anger and rage.

The question is could I be a loving person being so unhealthy and reacting in such unhealthy ways.

When people hear laughter in the rooms the question is are we laughing together, or are we laughing at our self, am I laughing with others.

The question can a person help heal from laughter from with in.

If we truly heal the suppressed memories come out over time.

One time after session of counselling I was slow thinking and slow  response times sluggish for even days.

The importance of my recovery is to stick with it.

One person in giving a therapy said that he was glad that he was an addict.

Oh boy what a shock how could that be, he explained that by being in therapy he learned how unhealthy he was.

There was no way I could admit that I was being unhealthy with out recovery counselling and self motivations.

What are my needs today, what are my needs today, and what are my goals today?

Often meetings will cause more questions than answers, I have seen people still talking after two hours after recovery meeting out side.

Just because I have been in my recovery over fifty years certainly does not mean I have all the answers.

Giving up my finances was very hard for me, it was very much fear based, it was very much control based, I use to thin as I was the money earner what I said goes, how insecure was that.

I use to pay for my wives things, then one day I asked her to buy things for her self.

Was I manipulating her, not at all, I wanted her to treat her self to reward her self.

To reach a point where Shirley my wife no longer needs to feel guilty about any thing what so ever.

I understand that if Shirley my is still living in fear it could be due to me.

To be healthy I needed to be able to be able to articulate myself towards others with our any aggression or confrontation what so ever.

For a person to no longer be the victim they need to learn to articulate and speak out for them self in healthy non threating ways.

The victim needs to speak up from a place of peace with in them self.

Perpetrators only pick on people who are unable to speak out for them self.

How much time and energy am I worth today.

How healthy do I want to be today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  A new issue
Posted by: Badgergirl - 26-10-2020, 12:18 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hi. After years of battling other addictions, this is a new one for me. I hear people talk of addictive personalities but I never thought that was something I struggled with. It's not huge amounts of money, but enough to cause problems. Today I blocked my account. I'm aiming to nip this in the bud before it escalates further but I know I can't do it alone

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  For me recovery is healing, I needed to abstain from unhealthy addictions obsessions
Posted by: gadaveuk - 22-10-2020, 11:40 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Before my recovery and healing I did not understand that I was a very vulnerable unhealthy person.

I needed to abstain from unhealthy addictions and obsessions before I could live a healthier life.

Only once I was committed to my recovery and willing to admit to myself that I was unhealthy could I change

I am often asked if I have not gambled in a long time why do I go to recovery meetings.

I did not have a clue how to heal my pains.

I did not have a clue how to face my fears.

I did not have a clue how to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I did not have a clue how to improve my emotional intimacy with myself or other people.

I did not have a clue how to reduce my boredom and become more motivated in healthy ways.

Only once I moved on from telling and repeating my very sad war stories and started to give honest therapies would my recovery take effect.

For me the recovery program is about me healing from being unhealthy and learning to live my life with out me escaping to addictions or obsessions.

I have contentment in my life today.

I live for today.

I learn from my past but no longer live in my past.

I make plans for tomorrows but I do not want or need to live in fear of my tomorrows.

The more productive I am in my recovery I not only writing down my needs  I am writing down my wants  I am writing down my goals.

For me to procrastinate is not healthy, I needed to know and understand why I am procrastinating and do some thing about it. 

My pace in life is slower, my intimacy is improving more and more as fears fade in me.

As my fears reduce my trust grows.

In the recovery program no matter how much clean people have they are all equals to me today.

Each time I went back to my addictions I needed to understand what emotional trigger it was.

No matter when my last bet was it was critical to go to meetings.

Seriously my level of recovery was not possible with out other like minded people being there for me.

In those people I saw myself.

In those people I would understand more about myself.

I could only learn once I was willing to listen and learn from their experiences.

All the time I kept going to meetings I had any chance of abstaining.

All the time I kept going to meetings I had any chance of healing the hurt child with in me.

Before my recovery I had no value, today my value is in my spiritual values non religious.

Going from having no value in myself or value other people I found that my past was a lesson to find for me what is important today.

To invest in our self in my recovery was and is very precious.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Just some of my fears which were emotional triggers for me
Posted by: gadaveuk - 14-10-2020, 06:30 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Today I understand each of my fears were a consequence of my pains from the past.

Is it possible to face my fears with out understanding the pains that caused those fears, yes for sure.

My fears are listed which are fears of failure, fears of being honest, fears of humiliation, fears of rejection, fears of abandonment, fears of emotional intimacy, fears of the opposite sex, fears of aggression and abandonment, fears of trusting people, fears of showing how emotionally vulnerable I am, fears of showing the real me, fears of being controlled, fears of being manipulated, fears of feeling my emotions and feelings, fears of being complimented of given any kind of credit, fears of heights, fears of the dentist, fears of the tax time paperwork, fears of Christmas, fears of letting other people down, fears of commitment, fears of making things worse, fears of tomorrow, fears of aggression and confrontation, 

Now the level of my fears determined if I go in to panic mode very quickly, once I panic I am unable to things out clearly and in an orderly way.

My fears of being honest was due to the fact that when I was honest as a child I was punished for it, in the rooms of my recovery I was honest and there was no pains, the more honest I got the less fears I had.

I use to think that fears of being honest due to my unhealthy actions and unhealthy words that people would leave me and abandon me.

This fear of rejection and fears of abandonment would cause me to lie even more and even escape facing people and myself.

Sadly this fear in me would cause a huge build up of adrenaline in me that I use to think was happiness and excitement.

The adrenaline rush of risk taking use to cause me to think that healthy life was boring and slow.

In the recovery program I would start to to give up the unhealthy risk taking, speeding and rushing about, by living at high pace I was not able to enjoy the moment.

How could I have fears of aggression and confrontation yet I was often the cause of aggression and confrontation.

Was the aggression and confrontation the result of my own internal conflict with in myself, was I always fighting myself.

I know that when I was hard on other people it only indicated how hard I was on myself.

So today I understand that I am a survivor I have survived all kinds of abuse and pain.

Yet the question is how do we heal our hurt inner child we have buried and suppressed for so long.

Once I moved from talking about money lost or how bad I was on to talking about emotional resolve.

The honest therapy exposes how emotionally vulnerable I was.

The rage that came out of me indicated that the hurt inner child was not healed.

Being in my addictions and my obsessions was a form of escape from people life and situations I could not cope with.

The my addictions and my obsessions was the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, I was not an evil person, I was not a bad person.

In time I gave up making false promises, I would become more motivated in my thinking and in my actions.

Sadly I did not know that all the time and energy I use to put in to my addictions and my obsessions needed to be put in to my recovery.

On entering was I there for myself, was I there to commit myself to writing things down, was I committed to myself and to over come my procrastination of putting every thing off being done.

The way we change how we feel about our self and how much we value our self is related to exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

To be open and accountable to our self, to embrace healthy interactions with like minded people.

There is no point in having a manual if you are not willing to use it and put it in to practice.

I could not love other people until I loved myself.

I could not trust other people until I trust myself.

I could not respect other people until I respected myself.

I could not heal my pains if I was not willing to acknowledge my pains.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  Just for today I choose not to gamble and become a healthier person
Posted by: gadaveuk - 08-10-2020, 03:16 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

My addictions and my obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

My addictions and my obsessions indicated that I was not able  to cope with people life and every day situations.

I was a risk taker, I felt that peoples advice to me was the fact they were trying to control my life.

The recovery program was about healing the hurt inner child in me.

Because of trauma in my life I would bury and suppress my feelings and my emotions.

Because of the adrenaline highs when I was in action I got to believe that I was only happy while in action.

I even got to think that I loved gambling, that every thing in my life was boring.

I did not value myself, hence I could not truly value other people.

I see the recovery program is very much like mountain climbers tied together which each lesson learned about myself and how to live my life with out unhealthy risk taking.

I use to be such an impatient person I wanted my recovery to be quick an fast.

The recovery program was a slow healing process, to stop reacting in such unhealthy ways and learn to interact with other people in healthy ways.

The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
Fear of being honest, fear of failing, fear of betrayal, fear of humiliation, fear of the opposite sex, fear of being criticized,  fear of being found out, fear of being myself, fear of being accountable, fear of being let down, fear of my own ignorance.

Due to the trauma in my child hood, I found it very difficult to learn, if I did not understand some thing I could not take it in.

I left school with no qualifications what so ever, not mathematics, not English, none at all.

In time I went to meetings for myself, you could say that I was very selfish about my recovery, I have been attending recovery meetings for over 50 years now.

I have seen over 11 counsellors.

If I only attended one meeting per week over 50 years that would be over 2,500 meetings and what did I learn in those meetings.

That the addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

That with out recovery program and with out my addictions and obsessions I would never have found out how unhealthy I was.

Every person that walks in to the recovery I want them to succeed as much as I have.

It took a long time to not focus on the addictions and obsessions to let go of the time and money lost, to surrender to the fact that every time I went to my addictions and obsessions I was hurting myself.

That the recovery program would help me set goals, to achieve more with my time and energy.

I use to see and meet with some very rich people in one of my jobs.

One day at a rich persons house I asked if he was content with having such wealth.

He asked me if I thought that money made him feel successful, that did I think that his goal in life was money orientated.

I said yes, he laughed and explained that money was never his goal, that being successful in the things he did was his goal.

By him being successful in what he did gave him more funds, then I understood that my goals in life were to be successful I just did not know how to be successful with out being obsessive.

Then once we achieve some thing to reward our self with a gift of some sort.

Could I compliment myself while in being in unhealthy action gambling, did I think that getting some thing for nothing was me being successful.

That if I could get some one to do some thing for me was being successful.

In time I would not only question every thing before my recovery yet I found it hard to believe that recovery would ever work for me.

I needed to learn to not live in fear and self doubt.

I was very hard on myself, I could not see or feel any good in me.

I felt that every lie I told meant I was a bad person,  I felt that I could not understand where my anger came from.

I had been a suppressive aggressive, also an expressive aggressive, I use to think I could not help myself being so angry.

I use to think that I wanted justice in my life, then found out it was not justice I wanted but vengeance, I wanted to transfer all my pains fears and frustrations on to other people.

Then in my recovery I would learn and understand that anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains my fears and my frustrations.

How could I heal that rage from my hurting inner child.

I found out that I needed to stop beating up on myself, I needed to stop undermining myself, I needed to stop seeing only failure in my life and in my actions.

Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions I needed to understand which emotional trigger caused me to want to escape people life and situation.

Before my recovery I was angry and reacting in such unhealthy ways.

I did not know or understand how bent and twisted my thinking was, I did not understand how unhealthy I was.

Did I need to know or understand where my pains came from, did I need to know or understand which pain caused fears with in me.

Came I face my fears with out knowing which pain caused them.

When ever I heard or saw a child which was screaming in a mall because they felt abandoned by their parents.

In that scream I felt my own pains of my inner abandoned child in my youth.

I was emotionally vulnerable long before my teen age years.

I tried to take my own life as a teenager, I even blanked out the whole event from my memory.

The secret was that suicide was buried and suppressed, only when I ready for it would those memories come out, not only the location, not only the pains but the smells would come out also of the place I was staying.

The nurturing and love that was missing from my life was going to come from myself.

Only once I was able to learn to love myself only then I could love other people.

Only once I was able to learn to trust myself only then I could trust other people.

Only once I was able to learn to be patient with myself only then I could be patient with other people.

Every thing I wanted from other people I needed to learn to give to myself first of all.

Self sufficiency become a way of life for me today, understanding my wants my needs and my goals.

My emotional age and physical age gap is reducing.

The serenity prayer has nothing to do about religion to me today.

I understand that I am not able to change another person in any way today.

How ever I understand that I am able to understand my unhealthy reactions towards unhealthy people today.

I understand that I was a victim along period of time in my life.

To stop being a victim I needed to get a voice and speak out for myself in healthy peaceful ways.

The rage in me has been drastically put to rest.

As my hurt inner child heals the world opens up to me and my relationships improve.

As I heal and I have empathy for my hurt inner child I am able to have empathy for people in my life today.

I do know that I am not religious person yet I am more of spiritual person today.

I am a more spiritual person non religious today and I embrace my conscience and awareness with every one today. 

Any non religious person can find a healing process if they truly want it.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  How do you stay strong?
Posted by: Alfieh123 - 01-10-2020, 10:53 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi Guys, 

I started gambling when I was 18 and I would just do little silly bets and football accumulators and I was in control of how much I lost and won. It was a hobby and I did it for fun. My uncle used to give me tips and we would do little bets on the horses and greyhounds as he used to train them. Was silly little £2-5 pound bets. 

When he died 3 years ago I went into a state of depression and anxiety and I took it out on the bookies. I was no longer betting little amounts but I started putting £100-500 on dogs and horses. I won over £7k in the first week of my higher stakes and then lost it all the week after. I then started taking out pay day loans and gambling on my credit cards. I’ve got myself into about £16500 worth of debt and I am on a debt management plan now. I stopped myself via Gamstop and I have banned myself from the bookies near my house and near my work. I haven’t gambled since February this year but the debt I’m in is getting to me as I’m 24 now and once I’ve paid my bills I have no money left and I still have this mindset what if I can turn my monthly wage into something big and hit the jackpot. I know I will not bet again as I know it’s the reason I’m in this position in the first place. It’s just depressing me never having any money to my name and everyday I find it hard resisting the urge to go and play some slots or bet on the horses. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to stay mentally strong?

Thank you for reading

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  First time here after numerous attempts at stopping by myself.
Posted by: sam123 - 30-09-2020, 12:23 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (9)

Hi Im Sam 

I have gambled since my late teens and have really been too slow to make this step but better late than never I guess. 

In lots of ways I am very lucky in life and definitely have a lot to be grateful for however my compulsive gambling has caused lots of issues in my life.

I have always gambled in various ways including poker and sports betting but online slots have really caused a lot of difficulty in my life. I have no control over my play on them. It doesn't matter how much money I have lost and what difficulty it may cause me in the real world the sad truth is I will still mainly be upset that I have to stop playing. It is only when I have stopped playing that the realisation of what I have done AGAIN sets in and that familiar darkness returns. 

I live abroad and feel somewhat isolated with my problem as I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it safely. I have issues with anxiety which also make it difficult to talk to people about this and is probably partly why it has taken me until my 30s to even make this step having known my gambling has been an issue for some time.  

Losing lots of money during my time gambling is a given but thankfully I am not in debt from it and have a good job that will allow me to recover as long as I am able to stop gambling.  The most harmful effects of gambling for me are mainly around my mental health and how it stops me being able to engage/enjoy life as I would like to. 

As mentioned above I have issues with anxiety and when my gambling was most out of control last year my anxiety was so bad I had physical symptoms I had no idea could be related to anxiety/stress which had a big impact on my daily life. During this time I would be constantly playing online slots on my commute to work, at work and at home. It was out of control. Thankfully in recent months I have a better grip on it and can have periods of time without gambling. However the urges return and I rationalise gambling to myself saying "it's only xx pounds" etc etc but of course that is never the case. The loss of control really upsets me and makes feel ashamed of myself. It hurts even more the longer it has been since I last gambled as the reality of there being no escape from this addiction is clear. 

I am hoping becoming a member of this community will allow me to become accountable for my actions, learn from others and help people with similar issues in any small way I can. 

Thanks 

Sam

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  Why was I so reluctant to go to meetings and learn to value myself.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 29-09-2020, 02:52 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

The simple truth I did not go to meetings for myself, I went to meetings for other people.

I was a survivor for sure and did not know it.

The spiritual recovery program was about healing and finding a healthy way of living with out being self destructive by my own actions.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program was help me to sit and listen with out living my life in fear during this time.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me understand what were my emotional triggers and to make healthier choices in my decisions.

How could I think that by giving away my money and living in fear was fun.

How could I think that living on adrenaline was happiness.

Today I do not want to or need to escape myself people or life and go back to an unhealthy addiction or be obsessive and feel disconnected from life and people.

The spiritual recovery program is a non religious program where I was going to help myself become healthier and to stop wasting my life away.

My unhealthy reactions indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was, in those days I could be so volatile and did not understand that by being angry I was hurting myself.

A person can be expressive aggressive or suppressive aggressive, for me both of these are unhealthy habits.

My anger only indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

My anger was very unhealthy for me and my relationship with other people. 

In my recovery I learned to not live in fear and anxiety, panic would only occur when my levels of fear were high.

Panic was a very unhealthy reaction to my high levels of fears I could not deal with.

Anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains an unhealthy reaction to my fears and an unhealthy reaction to my frustrations.

Only once I healed my pains would my anger reduce.

Only once I faced my fears would my anger reduce.

Only once I reduced my expectations of people life and situations would my anger reduce.

In my recovery I learned to give of myself unconditionally.

It took me some serious time to start and heal my hurt inner child.

It took me some serious time to learn to listen and give up my control issues which were fear based.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me understand my full potential in facing more challenges in my life.

I have moved from being a very much self destructive person to becoming a more motivated more productive person today.

The spiritual recovery program would help me succeed in facing more challenges more goals and become a person I am proud of being today.

The spiritual recovery program would help me not live in the past and live for today only.

We are all supposed to learn from our past and to no longer live in the past.

Setting goals we extend our self more and more.

How much do I value myself today.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in myself today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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