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Can't Stop
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
11-11-2019, 08:19 AM
» Replies: 5
» Views: 237
How many fears did I have...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
11-11-2019, 07:50 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 13
Just for today I will not...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
10-11-2019, 09:05 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 13
Was it possible to find r...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
09-11-2019, 06:46 AM
» Replies: 5
» Views: 3,489
My addictions and my obse...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
09-11-2019, 06:22 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 15
Gambling establishments d...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
02-11-2019, 01:22 PM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 32
12 steps of spiritual rec...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
22-10-2019, 09:47 AM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 313
What were my emotional tr...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
22-10-2019, 09:44 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 62
New to here but not gambl...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: Chris_b
17-10-2019, 04:08 PM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 129
Humbling myself is about ...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
15-10-2019, 05:14 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 79

 
  How many fears did I have and could I become more productive
Posted by: gadaveuk - 11-11-2019, 07:50 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The recovery program was going to help me gain faith and hope in myself.
I could not do it on my own, that did not work.
The only commitment I was asked of was to give it 90 days.
Could I say that feeling positive is me gaining faith and hope in myself.
The gambling did not control me.
The simple fact each time I escaped to gambling I got weaker and weaker and more vulnerable.
Sadly each lie I lived or told caused me more fears in me.
In time I would write my fears down.
Fear of being honest, fear of emotional intimacy, fear of failing, fear of success, fear of rejection and abandonment, fear of being myself, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the post, fear of the telephone ringing, fear of humiliation, fear of celebration, fear of not fitting in, fear of even trying some thing new.
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
It was important to not understand understand each of my emotional triggers but how to over come my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.
The choice is mine today how much more productive can I be today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L 
AKA Dave of Beckeham

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  Just for today I will not gamble is progress, it means I deal with today only.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 10-11-2019, 09:05 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Just for today I will not gamble is progress, it means I deal with today only.

Just for today I will not gamble makes it simpler, just for one day.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that I am not going to hurt myself or other people.

Just for today I will not lie, each lie causes fears in me which causes me stress and anxiety.

Just for today I will not gamble is easier if I do not have any control over my finances, it makes it simpler.

I could not trust myself with money.

I did not value myself or value money.

Just for today I will not live in fear.

Just for today I will attend meetings because it helps me heal and not live in the pains of my past.

I am a non religious person yet I embrace spiritual values.

I am a non religious person and I am still healing my hurt inner child.

The recovery program helped me understand what my emotional triggers were and how to over  come feeling emotionally vulnerable.

The recovery program helped me understand that I was not an evil person, that I was not a bad person, that I was not a stupid person, I was just a very vulnerable person who could not cope well with people life and situations and I use to escape in my fears.

The recovery program helped me understand that I feared emotional intimacy.

The recovery program helped me understand that each time I gambled I simply made things much worse and far more painful.

The recovery program helped me understand that gambling for me was not a healthy habit.

That for me gambling was a very unhealthy thing to do.

No matter when your last bet keep attending meetings.

The recovery program helped me understand that recovery was about healing.

To only abstain from gambling did not mean that I was healing my pains.

Only once I abstained would I be free  to heal and become a much healthier person.

Recently I was asked how long have I been in the recovery program.

I have been in the recovery program since 1969.

I am often asked why attend meetings if I have not gambled in twenty six years.

The answer is simple each meeting I attend the healthier I become.

From day one in the recovery program did I understand that I was emotionally traumatized, that I was in so much pain and I could not heal from it.

The recovery program with other liked minded people helped me make much healthier choices.

No matter what happens in my life today the very last thing I want to do it gamble.

By me working my recovery program I am less angry.

By me working my recovery program I can expose more and more of myself.

By me working my recovery program I am less afraid.

By me working my recovery program I can exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling angry, not feeling afraid, not feeling alone.

By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling lost and confused.

Each day not gambling I am able to do more with my life today.

Each day not gambling I am able to over come procrastination.

Was I a dysfunctional person before my recovery. Yes for sure.

Each day is a slow learning curve some times even slow baby steps.

Fear reduces trust grows.

My time is much more productive.

Less of my addictions and less obsessions leave me more time to do new things.

By me working my recovery program I write down daily my needs, I write down daily my wants and in time I write down daily my goals.

I use to be bored at life, today there is not enough hours in the day.

I use to dread waking up in the morning, I use to fear being mature, I use to fear the telephone ringing, I use to fear the post coming, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear emotional intimacy.

Today less procrastination and more willingness to achieve more with my life and my time.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  My addictions and my obsessions were a form of self abuse and a way of escaping.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 09-11-2019, 06:22 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

The recovery program for me was a non religious healing process from the pains trauma and suffering of my life

My conscience is spiritually based.

What would cause to me to against my own conscience against my own spiritual values. 

Fear was an unhealthy reaction to people life and situations where I would lie steal hurt myself and other people.

The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was going to me my own choice.

Only once I admitted to myself that my addictions and obsessions were very unhealthy would I both want and need to stop.

Only once I stopped talking about money and my addictions would I start to talk about myself agive therapies from the heart.

You will often hear people admit to hurting so many people yet would not admit to hurting them self.

If I was not able to talk about the abuse in my child hood and how much pain I had not healed, if I was not willing or able to admit my pains I could not heal from them.

Every time I went back to gambling I wanted less to go back to the meetings.

Yet that was important, no matter when you last bet was going back to meetings was my only hope.

The healthy people in the meetings wanted to see me no matter when my last bet was.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not push religion on you.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not bully or manipulate me.

The healthy people in the recovery program would be nurturing and encouraging to an dmy recovery.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not take any credit for your success and healthy recovery. 

The recovery program was going to help me face myself.

The recovery program was going to help me face all of my fears.

The recovery program was going to help me be the healthiest person I can be today.

Love and peace toe very one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Gambling establishments did not hurt me I hurt myself
Posted by: gadaveuk - 02-11-2019, 01:22 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I am a non religious person and in time would understand that any person can find a healthy recovery if they do the work.

The gambling establishments were places I use to go to escape people life and situations I could not with emotionally.

The recovery program and more so healthy people in it would help me see and feel that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Being in the recovery program I would identify that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.

The people in the recovery program would help me understand what my emotional triggers were.

To understand what would cause me to run on adrenaline, what would cause me to go against my own conscience, what would cause me to lie and decieve people.

I had a very painful abusive time as a child, I was emotionally abused, I was physically abused, I was sexually abused, I was not nurtured and protected, and on occasions I was physically abandoned and emotionally abandoned.

My emotional; triggers were my feelings of my pains my feelings of fear, my feelings of frustrations, my feelings of loneliness, my feelings of boredom.

I am often asked if I am a counsellor, I am not.

This last week I was asked how long was I in recovery, fifty years, since 1969.

I was often asked if I have not gambled in such a long time why attend meetings.

I do not go to meetings because I am emotionally vulnerable towards gambling.

I go to meetings because I am becoming a much healthier person.

I understand that the pains of my life caused fears in me.

I understand today is not healthy to live in any kind of fear.

I understand today I could not love other people until I loved myself.

I understand today I could not respect other people until I respected myself.

My anger was a very unhealthy reaction to people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally .

Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions I needed to understand what triggered me back to unhealthy habits.

The recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in me.

The recovery program would be unable to heal me if I was not willing to admit to myself I was in pain.

On day one walking in to the recovery program I would not be able to admit that i was emotionally traumatized.

I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions.

I could not communicate in healthy ways.

I could not explain in any why I tried to go back to unhealthy escaping habits.

I could not explain why I could not stop myself.

I could not explain why I could not trust myself with money.

I could not explain why I could that the highs in my risk taking were adrenaline based.

Not many how many people questioned me about my addictions and obsessions I could not explain my helplessness.

Did the gambling establishments make me feel emotionally vulnerable.

No the gambling establishments make it possible for me to escape people life and situations I could not cope with.

By going to the gambling establishments I would make things much worse, I would hurt myself and hurt other people.

By going the gambling establishments I would cause myself more pains and more fears.

Did I think that getting easy money would make me feel successful in myself.

By going back to the gambling establishments time and time I would lose all faith and hope in myself.

The recovery program was not going to fix me.

The recovery program was not going to make me do anything I did not want to do.

The recovery program was going to make me aware of how unhealthy I was.

The recovery program was going to make me want more of myself.

The recovery program was not going to make me think I was right wrong or good or bad.

The recovery program was not going to make me aware of what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

The recovery program was not going to make me change what is unhealthy in to what is healthy.

To not feel ashamed of who I am today.

The recovery program would help me make healthier choices one by one.

Just for today I will not gamble.

The recovery program is very much like mountain climbers, in being tied to like minded people their healthy experiences, their skills would become my skills.

How much do I want to be healthy today.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  What were my emotional triggers and what made me gamble escape from people &life
Posted by: gadaveuk - 22-10-2019, 09:44 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

In time I would learn each of my emotional triggers.

My emotional triggers were 

My pains not healed


My fears not faced

My frustrations due to expectations

My Loneliness

My Boredom

My emotional triggers would cause me to escape people life and situations when I could not cope emotionally.

Each time I went back to my addictions or obsessions was a lesson to learn from.

A spiritually healthy sponsor would help me learn from my past yet not live in it.

A spiritually healthy sponsor would not bully or manipulate me, a healthy sponsor would not push his beliefs on me, healthy sponsor would not take any responsibility for any kind of  success I did in my recovery.

I am a non religious person yet understand by practicing spiritual values would strengthen me, and strengthen my own conscience.

When walking in to the recovery program I did not think that I would find a healthier life by my own healthy actions and my healthy words.

I thought people in the recovery program would not understand me because I did not understand myself.

I did not understand that fear inhibited me in so many ways.

I did not understand that my fear were a consequence of the pains and trauma of my life that was unresolved and unhealed.

For me the recovery program is a program of healing from the pains of my past.

The recovery program was going to help me heal my hurt inner child.

My every action of sulking told me that my hurt inner child had not matured in to an adult.

My walking in to the recovery program was a door to finding healthy living.

For every unhealthy habit I needed to exchange each on to a healthy habit.

I am often asked if you have not gambled in such a time why attend meetings.

For me the addictions or obsessions was a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

With out me going to and seriously working my recovery I would have never have found out how unhealthy I was.

For me the recovery program was going to get me motivated in healthy ways.

I would stop living in the past and get focused on today, writing down my lists of my needs my wants and my goals each day.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached and healed from the gambling establishment.

To not love them, to not hate them, and not fear them.

Did I really think that if I got easy money would make me successful.

Did I really think that being angry was a healthy way of getting things done.

Did I really think that being late was a healthy way of getting things done.

Did I really think that money would heal my hurt inner child.


Did I really think that money would make me happy.

Did I really think that material things would make me happy.


Did I really think that the world stopped me from being successful.

When was I last angry and why.


When was I last angry and why.

When was I last impatient and intolerant and why.

Did I procrastinate and fail to face my fears.


How much time and energy do I waste today.

I was for sure a victim, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

I was for sure a perpetrator, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

I was for sure a rescuer, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

Am I selfish in my recovery today, am I self sufficient in my recovery today.

What holds me back from taking on new goals.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out I had a hurt inner child not healed.  

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how much more I could become productive in healthy ways.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how how to  communicate and articulate myself in healthy ways.

I am not willing to say that I will never gamble again, to say that would indicate that I do not have any emotional triggers any more, to say that I will never gamble again would indicate my hurt inner child is completely healed, I know that the first seven years of my life are still a trauma to me.

I no longer want or need vengeance in my life today.

I no longer want or need anger in my life today.

I no longer want or need hatred in my life today.

no longer want to escape to my addictions and obsessions today.

The serenity prayer helps me to interact with all people today.

The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am not able to change or control other people today.

The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am able to change and resolve my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.

That is some thing I am able to change my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.

I use to say that people life and situations in my life stressed me out.

Stress is fear based, anxiety is fear based, panic is fear based, avoiding emotional intimacy is fear based, how much is fear holding me back today.

To stop being the victim I needed to speak out for myself. to have a voice based up on peace.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary for myself.

It is only just for today only, not facing my whole life at once.

Just for today I will not gamble is setting slow steady baby steps.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Can't Stop
Posted by: CantStop - 21-10-2019, 11:36 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (5)

Afternoon All,

This is my first time on the forum and I have never attended any meetings etc.

Late last summer, my gambling started to get out of control (August / September time). My stakes rose significantly, initially I saw Xk of winnings hit my account and everything was rosy, I honestly thought this would continue.

By Christmas, I had spent all of that £Xk on gambling and was Xk into my overdraft with a maxed out Xk CC and no money for my bills. It was at this point I opened up to my fiance and safe to say she was devastated - we were meant to be saving for a wedding.

I stopped for 3 months, before selfishly attending Cheltenham with my father, gambling £XX on the day. I then desperately tried to get this money back, and lost another £Xk on a CC my fiance didn't know about. 

I opened up to my parents in April when I was at breaking point, and they cleared the £Xk secret CC for me.

I then refrained from gambling again until September at which point I started to gamble on my CC again, I had paid my overdraft off and my CC was down to £Xk. I am now sat here, with a maxed out overdraft and an over balance CC and feel like there is no hope of ever turning this around.

I seem to be my own worst enemy with this one.

I am not posting this for pity but I just want to get it all out there to people who might be going through something similar, as it has been a very lonely year so far.

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  Humbling myself is about being honest to myself, I was emotionally vulnerable
Posted by: gadaveuk - 15-10-2019, 05:14 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
Humbling myself is about being honest to the truth about myself, I was not evil, I was not a bad person, I was not a stupid person, I was just emotionally vulnerable.
At the mention of being humble I thought it meant I had less value than ever one else.
Humbling myself to the honesty about myself empowers me.
The recovery program is about healing, I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values.
The addictions and the obsessions were ways of me escaping people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me see myself in others through therapies.
If I am humbled to be equal to all people then if they can achieve so can I.
The recovery program is very much like mountain climbers who start off lacking confidence filled with fears are helped in to making healthy safe choices and learn to make healthier choices and have improved skills.
I am often asked why it is that to this day I attend usually two meetings a week.
The recovery program is very much like learning to take slow daily baby paces in my new found skills.
Why do people decline from using the telephone lists, is it fear, is it lack of confidence, is it lack of us valuing our self, is it fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, is it fear that we will hear some thing we do not want to hear.
As my time has become more productive my confidence has grown, my value of myself  has grown, I do not fear failing, in fact I now understand that if I do not even try I am failing myself.
The pains of my past became my fears I did not understand.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, another trigger were my fears not faced, another trigger were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, another trigger were my feelings of loneliness, another trigger were my feelings of boredom, that any thing I did was not work while.
In the last three weeks there certain jobs that I was not very confident in, that made me doubt myself, with each one once I started my confidences increased and my fears reduced.
I am going to make a made to measure table for my wife, I am looking forward to doing the job.
I look forward to doing talks at a recovery center, I enjoy questions and interactions, I want people in puts, I want people to feel that they are having some in put.
In the recovery program there are healthy people who are sponsors, they will not bully people or manipulate people, healthy sponsors will be tolerant and patient with people, healthy sponsors will not take any responsibility for another person progress.
In time I have heard people say to new members you have to do this, or you have to do that, sadly by directing talks directly at new people will scare them away.
When I was first in the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized, I was so much so I wanted to hide.
I use to fear the telephone, I use to fear the postman, I use to fear people coming to the house, I use to fear people seeing me go in to meetings.
I use to fear step four, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear being accountable, I use to fear letting my wife know that I was emotionally vulnerable.
I have often people say that the reason we gamble is just excuses, they will nto accept that they have certain emotional triggers.
Is it important to know why we gamble, for me yes very much, once we understand our emotional triggers only then we can do some thing about them.
I use to fear Christmas I use to fear the dentist, I use to fear the tax man, I use to fear apologizing, I use to fear rejection and abandonment, I use to fear being myself.
Once I see myself and feel myself in other people therapies, I can relate to those people.
Often after a very stimulating meeting people will talk after meeting very late.
There was at least a couple of times that my sharing afterwards went on to 11pm or later.
When we can relate to another persons sharing it helps our recovery even if we do not understand how.
I use to think that because I was non religious that recovery would not work for me.
That was not true.
When was I ready for counselling, once I had no fears about talking of every unhealthy actions and painful trauma if my life.
Humbling myself is empowering.
Humbling myself to the honesty of myself means I am less vulnerable.
In the recovery program I would learn of my full potential if I put work in to myself.
I am a very selfish person today.
Every minute and hour working my recovery has given me so much benefits in being the most productive healthiest spiritual person I can be today
Yet I give of myself unconditionally expecting noting back in return but pride and self worth.
Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  New to here but not gambling
Posted by: Heather - 13-10-2019, 09:55 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hello, so I am new to this site but not new to gambling. I feel very hollow inside and can’t believe I have  done it again. My husband found out and was very abusive to me, although I don’t blame him. He then plastered it all over Facebook, and threatened to tell my employer. I went into work and told them everything. So when he did ring they we’re expecting the call. They have told me they will be supportive of me every step of the way. I have spent the last few days opening up to my family and again they have said they will support me every step of the way. My husband has been sending me threatening emails and texts, I have blocked him on all of these, but last night I got another text through from an unknown number which started off pretty nasty, it soon became apparent that it was my husband, I could tell by the wording it was him.
I don’t know what to do, I feel I should go to the police but knowing him that will just fuel his fire and make things worse. I guess all I can do is keep blocking him. I know I will have to pay consequences as the money I used came from his business account. So should I take myself to the police station. My mind is doing somersaults at the moment. I do not want to hide  from this and will stand up and take whatever I have coming to me. 
I have tried to explain to him, I don’t do it because I enjoy hurting him, I do it because it is an addiction. I have asked him to go onto gamcare of which I have been a member for the last 3 years and take a look at some of the stories then he may understand the extent of this addiction.
I don’t know what to do, any advice please

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  What did I need to admit to myself on walking in to the recovery program
Posted by: gadaveuk - 13-10-2019, 06:23 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

On walking in to the recovery program I did not understand that I was living in fear and panic.
I did not understand that my addictions and my obsessions were a form self abuse and escaping people life and situations because I felt so emotionally vulnerable.
I am a non religious person and over time with the help of like minded people I would gin faith and hope in myself and in my recovery.
It was not enough for me just to read text, I needed to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Only by abstaining from unhealthy habits could I stop hurting myself and start the healing process.
On walking in to the recovery program I did not value myself I did not value money and I I did not value other people.
Each time I said to myself oh who cares any way was the instant I was giving up all faith and hope in myself.
At what time do I admit to myself that I am unhealthy.
At what time do I admit to myself that  my addictions and my obsessions were a complete waste of time and my energy.
The gambling establishments never hurt me, I hurt myself.
The gambling establishments never made me do some thing that I did not want to do.
The gambling establishments never hurt other people, I hurt them myself.
A time came when each day was very slow baby steps, to change from being unhealthy to become healthy.
My days before my recovery were very much fear and panic.
On day one in the recovery program I did not think that I could achieve success, I did not think that I could achieve new goals.
It took me along time in the recovery program to write down my needs, to write down my wants, and to write down my new found skills.
People  do not understand how much fear limited us in every day life.
There were so many fears I use to juggle them all and not able to focus on one fear.
The recovery program was a manual to healthy living, the recovery program was not going to do the work for me, only when I gave the same amount of energy in to my recovery would I over come feeling emotionally vulnerable.
Feeling emotionally vulnerable did not mean I was a weak person.
The recovery program was about healing my hurt inner child.
The recovery program was about me learning each day I can make much healthier choices.
Me being in the recovery program I would find out that as a child I was a victim.
I would find out that being in an addiction or obsession I became a perpetrator.
Why was it as a child people picked on me in so many ways.
Why did not pick pick on other people,  because other people were not as emotionally vulnerable as I was.
I did karate for two years it took me two years to learn that I feared aggression and confrontation.
My fears of aggression and confrontation came from my parents anger towards each other which was before I was even seven years of age.
To stop being the victim I needed to speak up for myself.
To be healthy to speak up for myself from a place of peace.
If  you meet aggression with aggression things become very unhealthy and cause further pains.
There was the wording that people are negative people, is that true.
For me I understand that people who are angry are people who were victims that never healed from their past.
I use to say to myself that I wanted justice, it was not justice I wanted, I wanted vengeance, not the same thing.
It  took me time to learn to write things down, to get clarity and focus, by writing things down I remain completely focused on things today.
The recovery program would help me heal my hurt inner child, recovery would help me live from the past and not live in it.
The recovery program would help me learn to articulate myself in healthy ways.
The recovery program would help me learn to heal and cry for my hurt inner child.
The recovery program would help me learn to be more patient and tolerant with myself.
In time my fear of failure reduced, my fear of the opposite sex reduced, my fear of emotional intimacy reduced, my fear of abandonment and rejection reduced, my fear of being honest reduced, my fear of family gatherings reduced, my fear of feeling ignorant reduced, my fear of feeling inadequate reduced, my fear of commitment reduced, my fear of having cash on me reduced, my fear of trust reduced, and my procrastination reduced.
Who or what did avoid facing or dealing with.
I have been to graves so that my pains could be healed and my fears were faced, I have been to places where horrific things happened to me.
I have become some one who I am proud to be today.
Learn from our past, do not live in ti.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L


AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  6 months on
Posted by: Amy - 10-10-2019, 06:25 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Ok so back six months ago found out my husband was a sever gambler. He had taken out a fortune in my name £**,***. And more in his. We went though an extremely tough summer. I began opening his letters which was an eye opener found out he had soo much more that when asked he didn’t have a clue about. His gambling had escalated. That much that he had forgotten what he had taken it was chaotic behaviour and he’s lost total control of normality. He was chasing the rainbow which at the end wasnt gold; unfortunately 6 months in and despite full support from not only me but my parents he was caught again I won’t go into detail but he was gambling again not on my account. Again he was caught out.
The response I got was the worst part away from all the money. He told me he did it because I was monitoring his money. I asked why again and we have supported you for 6 months and got to some sort of place. His response was devastating.  I don’t feel a thing for you and I don’t love you any more. 
After 16 years of being together 12 years married two children he walked away. 

I received two further letters last week. One from Scottish Power he stopped payments in December??? 
The other one wanting to take goods from house only to the value of ***. He’s still burying his head in the sand and living in a spare room at his mums flat . 

He’s left me to sort all his and my finances open his post which he can’t now intervene  and support the house and children. 

I hope anyone reading this will think a little About the impact it has on other people. My girls are a mess, one wetting bed first time ever and she’s 8. I’m on steroids now as that poorly with stress and run down. Got a 14 year old who cries and her life has just been blown apart. This part of her life is soo  impressionable and he’s taken it away. He’s in hiding. It’s just really sad as he had it all.

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