Welcome, Guest
You have to register before you can post on our site.

Username
  

Password
  





Search Forums

(Advanced Search)

Forum Statistics
» Members: 225
» Latest member: cartreviews
» Forum threads: 1,552
» Forum posts: 3,714

Full Statistics

Latest Threads
Understanding my unhealth...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
19-07-2021, 03:28 PM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 56
My emotional triggers and...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
08-07-2021, 05:09 AM
» Replies: 4
» Views: 2,554
My addictions and obsessi...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
08-07-2021, 05:01 AM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 764
Back again!!
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
01-06-2021, 06:48 AM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 2,630
Do I understand what my e...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
22-05-2021, 11:06 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 91
Credit cards
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: rogertb
17-05-2021, 04:03 PM
» Replies: 8
» Views: 534
Abstinence and recovery a...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: smartie
17-05-2021, 03:40 PM
» Replies: 9
» Views: 5,728
Only once I admit to myse...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
05-05-2021, 12:01 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 113
I can’t stop
Forum: Gamblers Anonymous Q & A Section
Last Post: Kr1sty
27-04-2021, 06:41 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 845
Recovery healing our fear...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
02-04-2021, 07:28 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 172

 
  Understanding my unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions
Posted by: gadaveuk - 19-07-2021, 03:28 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

It took me a very time to understand that my escaping to my unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions was a way of me scaping in my fears.

I had suffered many pains in my life and with every pain came fears I did not understand.

My unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In truth I was not a weak person, I was just emotionally vulnerable.

Sadly because there were many pains not healed I also feared emotional intimacy.

It was pointed out to me by a stranger that every fear I had was a way of protecting my hurt inner child.

In time I gave up talking about money lost, I gave up talking about the adrenaline highs and risk taking.

In sharing my therapies I was able to talk about my emotionally vulnerability.

I talked about pains I could not heal, fears I could not face.

I talked about my frustrations due to my unreasonable of people life and situations.

In time I talked to people who like minded and wanted healing and resolve with their life.

My fears use to be 10 out of 10.

Anxiety panic fear stress were an every day issue for me.

No matter how many times I came to a fear I would procrastinate and put things off.

For me to procrastinate is a very unhealthy habit, to procrastinate things pile up on me and fear grows and confidence drastically reduces.

I use to blame every one and every thing for how I felt, I use to think that some thing would be lucky for me, that some how I had not accepted that my destiny in life was not in my control.

People did not steal money from me, I gave my money away thinking it would change my life having a big win.

It has been proven many times that when people come in to a sudden huge amount of cash it can ruin their life.

Today I understand that money would not change my life, money would not reduce my fears, money would not heal my hurt inner child, money would not heal my relationships with other people.

That money would not make me more confident in myself.

It was very difficult for me to exchange every unhealthy habit with a new found healthy habit.

It was very difficult for me to show appreciation and gratitude towards other people.

It was very difficult for me to show patience and tolerance at myself.

It was very difficult for me to learn from my mistakes and to no longer be hard on myself.

There was nothing I could do or say that would make people forgive me, that was their choice.

Often the meetings caused more questions than answers, after the meetings we would have talks and discussions with other like minded people.

It was very powerful talking to like minded people after the meetings, it would often go on for hours.

It was so stimulating that time went by very quickly.

For me opening up my shares gave me a rapid growth in my recovery.

Writing things down took time.

Writing down my needs, my wants, my goals were all important.

As my inner child came out to play the healing was able to start.

Being the victim had nothing to do about size weight color sex it had every thing to do about me being able to talk out for myself.

To set boundaries has nothing to do about other people, to set boundaries from a place of peace was important.

If you meet aggression with aggression nothing is resolved, things escalate to a very unhealthy situation.

I have often walked away from people who do not listen to my boundaries.

My creating skill have improved so much, working plans out has so much improved, I use to lack confidence in myself,  I use to fear emotional intimacy.

I married my wife Shirley not knowing what love was, I married my wife not able to respect myself or respect other people.

I got married back in 1969 yet even though I was physically over twenty years of age, emotionally I was very young child who had not grown up to be not very healthy.

The recovery program was going to control my life, the recovery program was going to help me make healthier choices with my life.

People will often hear the wording a person was a dry drunk, that was some thing I did not understand, today I understand that abstaining on its own was not enough, only by me abstaining could the healing process start in my life, the choices was to take a healthier path in my life each and every day.

Talking with like minded people was important to my life.

Recovery and healing takes time.

Each day the choice is mine.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L.

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Print this item

  Do I understand what my emotional triggers were or are today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 22-05-2021, 11:06 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
My name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler.
I have been able to work with my recovery which in time helped me heal from the pains of my past.
In time all the time I was consumed by my addictions and obsessions I was becoming more and more unhealthy and even more vulnerable.
I was not an evil person, I was not an bad person, I was a person who was very unhealthy emotionally vulnerable person, who when I could not cope with people life and situations I would try to escape one way or another.
In time I would learn to abstain from one unhealthy habit, only for me abstaining was going to be the start of the healing process.
Why did I think that I loved Gambling, silly me it was not love at all, it was risk taking and very much adrenaline based.
Deep down I was a very inadequate insecure inept person, I was just not aware of what my emotional triggers were.
For me my emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal, my emotional triggers were my fears I could not face, my emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my expectations I could not reduce of people life and situations, my emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness, my emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom. 
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand, I would understand that I can face my fears with out understanding the pains that caused those fears.
Why could I not be honest, well it was simple every time I was asked to be honest and own up I would be punished.
Why did I fear emotional intimacy, well simple I was often hurt by people that were close to me.
No one could stop me gambling, only when I accepted that simple fact it would be easier for me.
My control issues were fear based.
One very simple fact that my anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my pains my fears and my frustrations.
The question is for myself is being angry healthy, if it is unhealthy how do I change my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations to becoming more stable in myself.
The unhealthy level of reaction could often be described as rage from with in.
My rage in my anger was often not to what was happening at that one moment but a build up of unhealthy reactions to events from my past.
I use to say that I wanted justice for the pains of my past that were not healed.
I use to say that I was angry at the casino, how healthy it is to be angry at a casino or angry at a person working there, they did not take my money from me, I gave it to them willingly.
The simple fact no one made me gamble, no one took my money from me, I did it willingly.
Some people will say that a compulsive Gambler is selfish, that was confusing that saying, for me a compulsive Gambler is self destructive, not the same thing at all.
What feelings did I have with in myself on leaving those unhealthy places, for me I was in pain, I was angry at myself, I felt like I had lost control in my life, I felt hopeless and useless, I felt even more inadequate and insecure in myself, I felt inept and inadequate,  and most important I felt more insecure in myself than before I went back to my addictions.
My addictions were a form of escape when I was not able to cope emotionally.
In my life was I a victim, oh for sure, no doubt about it what so ever.
How did I understand what a victim was, for me things were done and said to me that adversely affected me in so many ways, it adversely affected me in my grow as a person, it adversely affected me to able to heal and move on from my past.
Why would a person continue to allow people to adversely affect them, this point is important to make a decision to stand up for one self, not from rage or anger but to talk out from a place of peace.
To be able to articulate your self in very healthy ways.
Some people will find it very hard to remove them self from the threat of very unhealthy manipulating people.
There is setting boundaries, this is a new found healthy skill and is very powerful.
Before my recovery I was a very angry discontent unhealthy person.
My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
Will unhealthy people get healthy because I am in a recovery program, you are joking right.
By reducing my expectations of people life and situations I stop hurting myself.
My loneliness was due to my fear of emotional intimacy.
To move away from talking sad war stories over and over again would take me some time.
To give a therapy would get me out of living in the past and get me focused on my commitment and on to healthy motives. 
 For the recovery program to work in time requires our commitment, to identify what is unhealthy and what is  healthy, to over time exchange an unhealthy habit in to a healthy habit.
How much do I value myself today.
The wording I used all the time before was I have to.
Now it is more about what is a need. 
Now it is more about what is a want. 
Now it is more about what is a goal.
To commit to myself is about writing down and being committed to myself. 
Daily lists of my healthy needs my healthy wants my healthy goals.  
It is often found that people will exchange one unhealthy habit in to another unhealthy habit.
A healthy sponsor will be sharing in a two way street healthy intimate relationship.
Being honest with out being cruel.
A healthy sponsor will never take credit for your new found healthy skills.
A healthy sponsor will encourage you and encourage you to continue with your new found skills.
Procrastinations is often talked about yet not fully understood, why putting off committing your self to healthy skills in your life.
A healthy sponsor will be nurturing and encouraging you towards filling your days with full committed time.
A healthy sponsor will be talking about your decisions in getting things done in healthy ways.
In time your ability will include showing your gratitude and appreciation towards other people. 
Showing your gratitude and appreciation is an expression of your new found values in your self.
Your gratitude and appreciation will improve your intimacy with other people. 
I asked my wife what is love, her answer was very simple yet I did not understand at the time. 
Love is giving of your self unconditionally having no expectations what so ever.
This ties up with our frustrations due to our expectation of others.
The serenity prayer helps us understand how painful it is to our self having such high expectations of others.
Procrastination so many people have their views why it hard for them to get committed in to doing the actions.
So the question is procrastination fear based, lack of commitment, fear of failure,  fear of it being painful, is it lack of confidence, is it our ignorance, feeling inept, do we not have any faith in our self, we do nto value our self.
So once we do more and more healthy things our healthy needs our healthy wants, is it hard to compliment our self, to validate our self, to encourage our self even further. 
I have not been to meetings since Covid scares.
Do I live in fear of infection, do I live in any kind fear of today.
I have been to recovery center to gives talks in a very secure healthy setting.
I get so much from doing talks, I get lots from people questions.
The funny thing that most meetings raise more questions than answers.
In my time I am not surprised to see many meetings after meetings which last even longer than the original meetings.
In our therapies we will be nervous first of all, yet over time we will see our self in others, both the healthy and unhealthy part of us.
In therapies we will see our self from the past but also see and feel our self in the future levels of our recovery. 
I most certainly believe in spiritual values but I am a non religious person.
I understand that my healthy spiritual values caused me to feel guilty and ashamed by our unhealthy past.
When I go against my own spiritual values I hurt myself.
Yet how do we heal our pains, how do we face our and reduce our unhealthy fears.
And as we talk about and reduce our unhealthy fears our healthy trust grows.
By our healthy therapies we open up more to healthy motive and productive lives. 
Each time we break out and go back to unhealthy habits we can learn what emotional triggers caused me to live in fear once more and how can I process those feelings and much healthier way.
One time I went to a new kind of group, I heard people saying that certain feelings and emotions were good bad wrong or right.
I think that in that way we do not process or understand out unhealthy reactions.
To have healthy interactive relationships with our self we need to understand what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
In meetings often we would read peoples body language as them being dissapointed in our last break out,  sadly people would feel uncomfortable seeing or feeling other peoples pains. That we would assume their response to us as being unhealthy.
So the question can we have empathy for another person if we are not able to have empathy for our self.
Can we love another person if we are unable to love our self.
Can we respect another person if we are unable to respect our self.
Can we trust  another person if we are unable to trust  our self.
Can we be patient with another person if we are unable to patient with our self.
How much value do we have about our self.
How much do we want to heal our hurt inner child.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham

Print this item

  Only once I admit to myself I am unhealthy can I make healthy changes.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 05-05-2021, 12:01 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

My Addictions and Obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable. I am a nonreligious person who was a very unhealthy person who had Addictions and Obsessions, In time I would learn what were my emotional triggers, my pains I could not heal, my fears I could not face, my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations in my life, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my boredom because I was unable to be productive in healthy ways. Each time I went back to my Addictions and Obsessions was a chance to learn and understand what my emotional triggers were, to change my unhealthy reactions. Some might view Addictions and Obsessions as a way of escaping. Why did I fear being honest, as a child when I was honest I was hurt by many adults. Why did I fear emotional intimacy, because I had been hurt emotionally physically and sexually far too many times in my life. I felt that I was unloved and unwanted. Isolating myself made me feel more vulnerable. Because of PTSD and trauma in my life I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions. In time in the best healthy meeting for me I was able to talk beyond the money addictions and open to the possibility of giving a deep therapy. I use to feel that I was very weak, in truth I was in did a survivor, everything that could have broken me had been done to me at one time or another and I was able to get through life at a very limited way. Before my recovery I put on a mask, a show making out that I was some thing or someone I was not. The mask and the show to protected my hurt inner child. In time people stopped trying to play mind games with me because they understood they did not work on me. At what time was I willing to go to meetings, day one I did it for other people, in time I would identify that I was unhealthy and in time I would want and need to heal my hurt inner child. Healthy persons do not need to or want to react in unhealthy ways again. There was a time I was angry and most of the time, in healing I trend to interact with all people rather than react in unhealthy ways. My expression of gratitude and appreciation is an expression of my healthy values today. My hurt inner child was never going to get healed with money or being with unhealthy people. I am not able to change other people however unhealthy they are, it is not in my power. In saying I have to implies I am obsessive, to understanding my wants my needs and my goals today. In time once I abstained from unhealthy habits, I would exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. I would learn to love myself. I would learn to respect myself. I would learn to validate and compliment myself. I would learn to be patient and tolerant with myself. Every unhealthy action or unhealthy word has unhealthy consequences. Every healthy action or unhealthy word has healthy consequences. Do I want to be the healthiest person most productive person I can be today. The choices are mine today.

Print this item

  I can’t stop
Posted by: Kr1sty - 27-04-2021, 06:41 AM - Forum: Gamblers Anonymous Q & A Section - No Replies

I never ever thought I’d find myself in this situation, I’ve blown thousands in the last 18 months, I went through a traumatic incident in dec 19 before that I had a pretty normal steady ) a little boring) life. I’ve tried blocking my bank cards found a way around that so I used gamstop which was great for about a week until I found a way round that , I just can’t seem to stop myself , I’ve blown my rent and bounced bills so I’m now being evicted and have huge debts, I feel like I’ve let my family down and I absolutely hate myself yet I can’t stop, I sit here crying night after night and I’ve just used my last tenner on the slots, I hate myself for being so weak and feel I’d be better off dead than carry on like this. My mental Heath is in bits and I feel like I’m losing my mind. 

Print this item

  Credit cards
Posted by: rogertb - 17-04-2021, 07:35 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (8)

Hi chaps I understood gambling with a credit card has been stopped but I’ve been able to bet ... how can this happen please ? how are these sights getting around the law ?

Print this item

  Recovery healing our fears reduce and we achieve so much more in our life
Posted by: gadaveuk - 02-04-2021, 07:28 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

I am Dave and I am an unhealthy addict.

 
At one time all I wanted to stop Gambling.
 
I use to think and feel that my addictions controlled me and my life.
 
Today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.
 
I use to question if I was a bad person, question if I was a stupid person, question if I was a dumb person.
 
Today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escape because I felt emotionally vulnerable.
 
Today I understand that me being emotionally vulnerable did not mean I was a weak person.
 
In time I would understand my emotional triggers.
 
My emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal, my fears I could not face, my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations that did not go my way, loneliness due to my fear of emotional intimacy, my boredom due to the fact I could not be productive in my life and was not motivated in a healthy way to fulfil my needs, my wants and my goals.
 
I found that the pains in my life I experienced caused fears in me that I could not deal with or understand.
 
Today I understand that my anger and my rage were due to my unhealthy reactions to my pains, my fears and my frustrations
 
My anger and my rage indicated that in me I was reacting to the pains of my past that were not resolved or healed.
 
Today I understand that recovery means healing to me, yet how could I heal if I was not willing to admit to my self I was still living my life in the pains of my past today.
 
Only once I abstained from all my unhealthy habits could true healing and recovery even start for me.
 
Recovery was about healing and learning to interact in healthy ways with myself and with other people.
 
In time to exchange unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
 
The lists of abuse I experienced over many decades were very long, and occurring over 17 years of my life.
 
I learned also because I could not cope emotionally with, I use to bury and suppress the traumas of my life.
 
There was one time when I was a teenager that I tried and failed at taking my own life, today I question after all the things that happened to me why on that date did I try to end my life and why.
 
Was it the pains I could not heal, was it the fact that adults in my life at that time could not deal with their own issues they could help me, was it the fears of emotional intimacy, was it the lack of nurturing and lack od demonstration of what healthy life was about emotionally, was it the fact I could not speak out for myself, that I did not have a voice based up on a peaceful mind.
 
How long would it take me to take very slow baby steps and learn to heal the hurt inner in me that had hidden most of his life.
 
The funny is that I did have expectations of people in my life and sadly I expected them to fulfil my emotional needs, in recovery I would learn that I could only love some one else if I loved myself.
 
I would learn that I could only respect some one if I respected myself, so what ever I expected from someone else, I need to give to myself first of all.
 
There was a  time when money and gambling were every thing to me, now my values have changed as I have changed, the most important things to me today, relationships and time.
 
I use to wish my life away, I use to hate Mondays, I use to hate working, I use to think and feel that my adrenaline rush and risk taking was happiness, so what do I think happiness is to me today, is it money, no money only gives you more choices.
 
I use to want to escape going on holiday, I really did not want to get back to reality and real life.
 
I use to be so intolerant and impatient, that being hard on others was an indicator of how hard I was on myself.
 
I use to undermine myself, I could not compliment myself or validate myself, I would find fault with everything I did or said.
 
One day a complete stranger helped me get back on the road with my car, I went into my pocket to give him so money, the man asked me what I was doing, I told him that I wanted to give him money to show my appreciation, he said no, that he helped me out because he wanted to.
 
My thinking is he is a fruit and not case, some thing changed that day, it raised questions I was not ready to answer.
 
Later in my recovery I pulled my car over and asked if I could help this stranded lady, she said that she had run out of petrol, without any hesitation I opened my boot pulled out my can of petrol and started to pour petrol into her petrol tank.
 
She said she had to give me some money, I asked  why do you have to give me money she said if she did not she would feel guilty, very honest answer, I declined her money and she said no I have to take the money and placed it in my jacket pocket and was getting stressed out.
 
The lady could not accept the fact I did it for myself, not for her, not for money, did she think I was nuts or weird, did she understand that I did not want or need anything from her, could she understand that an act of kindness is us giving of our self.
 
So at what point in my recovery did I do it for myself, at what point in my recovery did I value myself.
 
In the USA while travelling vehicle stranded on the edge of the road, there were 3 people standing by the vehicle, at this time I did not have a spare petrol can, so I offered them a lift to a garage, they accepted and we drove them to petrol station and took them back to their vehicle, on the way one person commented that every car that drove by was an American car, that we were Canadians and we helped them out.
 
When people live in fear they miss out on emotional intimacy, once we over come our fears, our  emotional intimacy grows and we get healthier from those healthy interactions.
 
So part of our recovery is therapies, as we share more our fears reduce.
 
As we share more of our self we see and feel our self in other people, both the healthy and unhealthy.
 
With our healing comes more understanding, more compassion and we reach a point where we learn to love and learn in healthy ways.
 
In time in our recovery we value our self and value others.
 
There is no limit as to what we can achieve in our life today.
 
Love and peace to everyone.
 
Dave L
 
AKA  Dave of Beckenham

Print this item

  Remove all payment methodsthe
Posted by: rogertb - 26-03-2021, 08:35 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi chaps, so if I “lose” my debit and credit cards, when the replacements arrive, I can register them with amazon and paypal and my wallet on my iphone and “forget” the 3 digit security code will that stop me being able to register on gambling sites ? (I’m already on gamstop but it’s easy to find off-shore aites) ... hope this isn’t too vague.

Print this item

  Why was therapies so good for my recovery and my healing
Posted by: gadaveuk - 19-03-2021, 09:14 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I am a non religious I questioned if I could get healthy and no longer want or need to escape to my addictions and obsessions.

On entering the recovery I was focused about losing my money lost and just to abstain from my addiction.

I do not recall how many times I felt all I could do was talk about my money lost and how painful it was being so unhealthy.

I wanted to blame every one else for my emotional vulnerability.

I had hatred towards the gambling establishment and that they cheated me of my money.

But was that the truth, in time I would understand that no one made me do any thing I did not want to do.

The gambling establishments never stole my money I gave it to them freely.

The gambling establishments never made me do any thing I did not want to do.

The rooms of recovery helped me get more and honest with myself.

The light bulb did not switch on from day on walking in to the recovery.

I have been in recovery seriously for over 54 years, I was not able to abstain from unhealthy habits for some time.

I was able to understand each bet I had was a lesson if I was willing to learn what was my last emotional trigger.

I walked in the healing recovery program feeling that my addictions and my obsessions controlled my life.

I walked in the healing recovery program feeling fear of being honest, I feared emotional intimacy, I feared emotional intimacy, I feared being accountable to myself, I feared being myself, I feared showing how much pain was with in me.

The rooms of recovery helped me learn to trust giving a therapy, helped reduced my walls which were built on my fears.

Once the honest therapies came out of me and of others, I would see myself in other people, both the healthy and the unhealthy.

The rooms of recovery helped me learn to understand my feelings and my emotions and be able to articulate myself more deeply and in a much healthier way.

Some people will react in such unhealthy ways when they see them self in other people.

Often there will be people who focus on every one but them self.

Once the therapies were opened up to such emotional vulnerability people sharing they would explain how they processed every day issues.

How could I love any one else if I was not able to love myself.

How could I respect any one else if I was not able to respect myself.

At what time would I give up beating myself up, at what time would I give myself a compliment.

At what time would I be more punctual in time keeping.

At what time would I give up risk taking, to keep to the traffic driving codes, to not  jump traffic lights, to give up tail gating.

What was very powerful for me understanding my needs, understanding my wants, understanding how important it was to write my needs wants and my goals on a daily basis.

Only once I opened up the meetings I then was able to open up emotionally to my wife and my family.

Because of my addictions Saturday morning was a very testing time for me, yet I did not talk to Shirley about me being vulnerable.

Then one Saturday she asked me how I was feeling, today I understand the reason she asked me was she felt that I was nervous and anxious.

I answered honestly I said that I felt emotionally vulnerable, with in 5 minutes we both had our coats on and were going out of our front door.

I asked her where are we going, she said any where.

That day we stopped off at a bowling alley, and played bowling for some time.

After that each Saturday Shirley Mark and myself went ten pin bowling, as well as eating out.

After a while I did not fear or feel anxiety the truth was I looked being out with my family. 

So for me my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I was not evil bad or no good, I was just emotionally vulnerable.

I have lost count of the number of times I went back to my addictions and my obsessions.

It is vital to be committed to my meetings, I needed to put time effort and more energy in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions and my obsessions.

My fears of intimacy was reduced by having heart to heart meetings with sponsors and other people.

By having healthy sponsors they will demonstrate how healthy we can all be.

I have travelled to so many meetings in my time.

The funny thing is that often meetings will raise more questions than answers.

Often after recovery meetings people would meet out side and have close sharing and much longer than the meeting it self.

In our honest sharing and our therapies we will understand what is healthy and what is healthy.

For me it was exchanging all of my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

In general life people have identified my recovery by my healthy respectful ways and wording.

At one time I thought that you are polite to get the things you wanted.

One day I was with my wife and the meal I had received in a restaurant had pieces of paper in between the slices of the Turkey I was about to eat.

In the old days I would have exploded with anger and rage, sadly I would have wanted the meal for free if I could have done so.

I waited patiently till the waiter came my way.

I talked in a low level voice and asked the waiter if I was expected to pay extra for the paper in the Turkey slices.

The waiter was very shocked by this meal, the manager came to our table and apologized, I was offered some kind of compensation but declined it, I was offered a free sweet with my meal, again I declined.

After our meal out side I asked Shirley if I dealt with this situation in a healthy way, did  any one feel threatened by my words.

When coming to my levels of intimacy with people each day I am not trying to impress people, I am not trying to buy peoples friendship.

I would say one of the big things I found in my recovery is part of my healing my hurt inner child is healthy intimacy with all people.

I was not aware of how much potential I had with in myself.

I have been witness a person was completely homeless jobless came in to the recovery program.

In time money owed was paid completely, he got a job, he met a partner, got married, bought a house, had children and was an example how recovery can change a person completely if you take recovery seriously.

How much do I value myself today, how much more can I do for my recovery today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Print this item

  My Addictions and my Obsessions indicated I was emotionally vulnerable and Unhealthy
Posted by: gadaveuk - 15-03-2021, 04:39 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

My addictions and my Obsessions indicated I was emotionally vulnerable and Unhealthy

I could say now that my addictions and my Obsessions were the symptoms that I could not help myself.

Before my recovery I use to think that money would bring me happiness.

Before my recovery I use to think that if I could get all the money back I lost, sorry I did not lose my money I gave it away freely.

Before my recovery I use to think I knew what love was.

Before my recovery I could not give of myself unconditionally.

Yet who is to say what is healthy or unhealthy.

In my recovery I would be able to abstain from my unhealthy addictions and my unhealthy obsessions.

Yet abstaining was not enough for me, by abstaining did not mean my hurt inner child was not healed.

Only once I got in to sharing my therapies could I stop living in fear and expose more of my hurt inner child but only then my fears would reduce.

Every fear that grew in me was due to the pains of my past that were not healed.

My fear of emotional intimacy stopped me from having a healthy relationship with myself and with other people.

Before my recovery I wanted to blame people life and situations for my being unhealthy.

The therapies would empower me to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I would also see and feel myself in other people.

By opening up in my therapies I would expose more and more about myself, by my expressions I would move from being a victim of people life and situations I felt that I could not have any control over.

By opening up I would be able to listen to my own conscience, I would identify what were my healthy wants, and what were my healthy needs, the sad fact no one could help me if I was not willing to help myself.

I am a non religious person and understand that any one can find a healthy life and recovery if you put your mind to it.

My anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains not healed, my anger was also an unhealthy reaction to my fears not faced, my anger was also an unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, sadly I was hurting myself and causing myself pain by my unreasonable expectations, they were not hurting me I was hurting myself.

Handing over our finances helped me understand that money was a control issue for me.

I could not trust myself with money.

Each time I went back to my unhealthy habits I was able to learn from my last emotional trigger, and learn so that I did not have to be so emotionally vulnerable next time.

The recovery program helps us become more healed, to become healthier, to become more productive, more patient and tolerant with myself.

The recovery program helps me help myself, to trust my own instincts, 

To have more intimate times with myself and with other people.

Being in my recovery I would be able to cry and heal my hurt inner child.

Why would I be so reluctant to admit I was hurting myself, why would I be so reluctant to learn to trust myself.

The only person that stopped me from taking my recovery seriously was myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

Print this item

  For me recovery is a healing process, I needed to open up more to heal.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 31-01-2021, 08:35 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

For me recovery is a healing process, yet I could only heal once I admitted to myself I was in pain.

I needed to open up more this would happen through my honest therapies.

It was very simple reduce  my fears and my trust would grow in the recovery rooms.

It took me along time to heal.

The addictions and obsessions were a way of me escaping people life and situations.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms of my emotional vulnerability.

My unhealthy reactions indicated to me how unhealthy and how vulnerable I was.

It is very difficult for me to remember when I was last angry.

Yet at one time I was angry most of the time.

When people asked how I was, it was not a question.

I use to bury and suppress so much stuff in my life because I could not deal with it.

Being a loner and holding back and not being myself was an unhealthy way to live.

Not being able to trust myself was not healthy, not being able to have intimacy with people was not healthy.

By being consumed by addictions and obsessions I did not understand how unhealthy I was.

I use to think that my addictions and obsessions controlled me.

Today I understand for me my addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping my feelings and my emotions.

Sadly due to pains and abuse in my life I buried and suppressed feeling from my hurt inner child.

I use to think that I was a weak person, that was not true i had in my life gone through all forms of abuse.

In recovery I asked myself is there any thing that has not been or done to me that I had not experienced at that time.

The simple fact there was nothing that could happen that had not already happened to me.

In the recovery program I learned that I was a survivor yet I was not able to heal or resolve the pains of my past.

My anger that came out of me was due to my pains not healed, was due to my fears not being faced, was due to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of life people and situations.

My emotional triggers were my pains, my fears, my frustrations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my boredom due to the fact I could not be productive in every avenue of my life.

The simple question is how much time effort and energy am I willing to invest in to my recovery today.

How much do I want to heal my hurt inner child.

Love and peace to every one.
 
Dave L
 
AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Print this item