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  Did I enjoy living in fear and regret, how much more can I do with my life today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 13-10-2021, 11:01 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Walking in to the recovery program I did not understand that in time I would abstain from my addictions, yet more importantly I would heal  my hurt inner child.

Once I understood when I was emotionally vulnerable that reacting in such unhealthy ways I was making things much worse in my life.

In time I would also understand because I was emotionally vulnerable I was not an evil stupid or a weak person, because of the pains that were caused up on me in my  child hood I could not cope with how my feelings and emotions.

I have heard some people say that some feelings and emotions were bad or some were good, in my recovery I would understand that living in certain ways was healthy or not healthy.

The recovery program was non religious for me.

In time understanding my emotional triggers I would be able to cope with events in much healthier ways, I would contact people and talk myself down to dealing with situations in  much healthier ways.

I would also understand that because of unhealed pains in my life I lived in far to many fears, and because of unhealed pains I would try and escape in so many ways.

For me the addictions and obsessions were just indicators of how vulnerable I was, recovery for me is a healing process thing, it was not possible for me to heal every pain in a few days.

For sure my gambling made things much worse and unhealthy for me.

Money was never going to buy me happiness, money was never going to heal the hurt child in me that hid behind his fears.

In time by sharing with like minded healthy people I would find how to cope with life and events in much healthier ways.

When people share with a sponsor it is often a two way street, we learn from each other.

Things that use to cause me to go instantly in to a full blown rage now make me laugh.

Often I question when I was last angry, sadly it is often hard to remember and that makes me laugh.

Some people think that reading text will help me find healing and resolve, for me talking at an emotional level and having a healthy intimacy where there is little fear in me helps me get past testing time.

Just because a person has been clean for a long time will not always indicate the person is healed and found emotional resolve in their life.

Clean time only indicates that I have stopped causing myself and others pains for a time.

Yet only by my abstaining gives me any chance of healing the hurt inner child in me.

It took along time to become productive in my life, I use to fear computers, I use to fear the opposite sex, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear emotional intimacy, I use to fear asking for help, I use to fear people being aggressive, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear failure or making mistakes, I use to fear taking my mask down and let see people see the real me.

How healthy do I want to be today, what is the limit of my full potential.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  Living in fear is not healthy for me, how healthy and productive can I get today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 07-10-2021, 02:37 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

I was not a very healthy motivated person earlier in my life, once I identified the fact that when I procrastinated it was not very healthy, procrastination was often lack of confidence lack of self esteem and more often fear based, that when I justified my failings I was not being honest to myself, Brian Tracey helped me understand that when I needed to work things out in my head I needed to be relaxed and not stress myself out, I have found very often that when I let go of thinking about a challenge it is a short period of time I found out how to resolve my challenges, the reason I had so many fears in my life was due to painful events in my life that had not been healed and resolved, my addictions and my obsessions indicated that I had certain emotional triggers. My triggers were my pains not healed, my fears having not been faced, my frustrations  were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, due to my expectations I was in effect hurting myself and causing myself pains, my loneliness was due to fear of emotional intimacy, and my boredom because I was unable to be healthy and motivated in my life, in time I would give of  myself unconditionally, I would learn to be honest with out being cruel. Every one has their own idea what success is, some might think that money makes you feel successful, yet in the middle of my life I would start to learn that success is all about my healthy actions and healthy words would make me feel successful in myself.  People will justify saying or doing unhealthy things to other people, they will often think that they wanted justice, sadly they were being vengeful and by causing other people pains they would think that they have resolved their own pains, how long to learn that vengeance and healing our pains is not the same thing. How much do I value time and relationships today. Can I be myself today with out any fears. Can I express appreciation and gratitude to every one in my life today, can I be myself today not fearing any kind of emotional intimacy today. Do I live my life with out any fear in me today. How can I reach another challenge in my life knowing there is always an answer to every challenge in my life today. That I will not allow fear to limit how much more I can do with my life today. That I know that love is giving of myself unconditionally not holding back in any way.

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  It took me along time to take recovery and healing seriously
Posted by: gadaveuk - 05-10-2021, 10:09 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I questioned if I could find a healthy life with out feeling that my addictions controlled my life.

I built walls of fear to protect my hurt inner child because of the pains I was caused in my life.

I use to think that if I had money I would be happy, that if I got all my money back I had lost.

In my time I have attended 11 counsellors, the number of meetings helped me learn to help myself, to make a telephone when I felt vulnerable.

Once I gave up talking about money and times I was in action.

I was a risk taker from a very early age, it got worse the more I valued myself, no one was going to make me do some thing if I did not want to do it.

At one time I truly thought that I wanted to do nothing with my time, I went and lied on the cost in England and low and behold after a year of doing nothing I knew that I did not want to do noting with my life.

Because I had certain emotional triggers then I would want to escape, sadly I could not identify my fears, so I could not face them or write them down.

By me facing my fears I would find that I could achieve so much more with my life and out of my fears I found that there was so much more I could achieve with my life.

My procrastination was often fear based and also a lack of confidence and self esteem.

The roos of recovery helped me get to know myself better, as my therapies got deeper my fears reduced, and as I got to taught to people on a one to one basis I could understand myself more.

I have viewed the recovery program simular to mountain climbers tied together by a rope and as long as I was connected to like minded people they helped me not understand when I was vulnerable but how to not take unhealthy people problems and make them my own.

Even in recent days I had talked about my fears about doing a job I was not comfortable about doing, the other factor was winter is not far away and being in Canada it can get not only very cold but snow can get deep in a very short period of time.

At one time they forecast it getting very cold and it was colder than -40C well I did a very risky thing I locked us out of our car, I left the engine running but could not get in to it.

In the beginning of my recovery I did not know that most of the time I was living in a stressed out way, I use to react in unhealthy ways to every one and every thing, I could not stop myself from being that way, then the question I asked myself is it healthy to live in so much fear most of the time.

I use to be so scared of the dentist, now I am often able to go to sleep when getting in to the dentist chair, I use to fear the tax month, now we do not get wound up   when tax period comes round.

Another fear I had was talking to large meetings and doing talks, I have been doing talks at a recovery center for some years which stopped just recently, I very much enjoyed doing it and got so much back from the meetings with the stimulation there was.

It is very rare for me to waste time now, my time is well spent getting things done, yet sadly now I am seventy four years of age and so push my body to far I still tend to think I am still 20 years of age.

I have been able to get to meetings and conferences and get pleasure meeting with young people at the beginning of their recovery.

At the beginning I did not think that I was an unhealthy person I just thought that I was unlucky.

I use to justify my failings, I use to justify my failing to get things done, I use to justify not telling the truth, to not be honest with myself.

Things that use to get me so wound up and angry now I just laugh these tests of my recovery off, I felt like I use to explode because of my anger.

I have been able to give up so many unhealthy habits, I gave up smoking and that was expensive habit, it cost me more than £xx a year, then there was the drinking, then there was the gambling, sadly I did not have much faith or hope in myself, I will never now how many times I caused people to cry due to my causing them so many pains and me being such a failure in many ways.

I am pleased to say that my family does not fear me any more. 

It is wonderful not living on the edge of that painful cliff, I do not want to go in to unhealthy spiritual decline again in my life.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  Walking in to the rooms of recovery was very scary and I did not whast to expect
Posted by: gadaveuk - 28-09-2021, 02:12 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
 
On walking into the rooms of recovery was a very scary experience for me, I could not be completely honest with myself.
 
There were many fears I was experiencing, lots of anxiety and stress, I honestly thought that if I could pay all the money back, I had wasted would undo all the harm I did to myself and others.
 
Because I felt that I was being controlled by my addiction I felt very helpless, I felt that I must have been an evil bad person.
 
Yet my own conscience was an indicator that my lies and deceptions were causing me many pains, that because I made promises I could not keep I thought I was a waste of time.
 
Did I feel comfortable being in the meetings, not for some time, I use to think that I was far worse than other people.
 
No matter how many times I went back to my addictions or became unhealthy keep going to meetings, the meetings were never going to hurt me, sadly I had been through so many painful events in my life I was in all truth a strong survivor, all the abuse I had been through and buried those pains for so long it felt normal to live in fear an self-doubt all of the time.
 
In time I would talk about money lost, how I felt towards the gambling establishments, how I felt towards the gambling staff, sadly it was not their fault I lost so much money, not at all I felt that gambling was a way to escape my feelings and my emotions.
 
Then you reach a point when talking about money or gambling was no help to me and I started to give deep seated therapies.
 
Then as my fears reduced, I felt more comfortable exposing myself emotionally to like-minded people.
 
I used to think that when they talked about religion it was about control issues, I felt that anything or anyone was trying to help me they were trying to control me.
 
Sadly, I learned that for me being a non-religious person I was going to listen to healthy people who would give me healthy advice in how to live my life in a much healthier way.
 
As my fears reduced, I was more open, honest, and willing to listen how other got to have healthier lives without emotional triggers and without fears slowing down my recovery.
 
What is more effective meetings or a one to one share, often meetings raised more questions than answers, so after meetings there would people who raised questions to find a healthy resolves with challenges in our lives.
 
In time focus would move from sorting out the financial carnage I had created and more importantly how to deal with and face challenges in my everyday life.
 
In time I found some extremely helpful people who would be tolerant and helpful in finding ways of dealing with people in a much healthier way.
 
Would or could Shirley forgive me, could Shirley ever forgive me, could Shirley ever life her life with me without fearing me, more importantly could Shirley ever learn to love me again.
 
The money was only a fuel for me escaping people life and situations I could not deal with in healthy ways.
 
It is very sad that due to a serious amount of abuse to me physically and emotionally it adversely affected me that I could not learn and take in education so when I left school at 15 years of age, I had no certificates whatsoever.
 
Would I ever be able to learn and take in good advice and education from people in my life, who would decide what was healthy and what was unhealthy.
 
I use to fear the opposite sex, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear unhealthy bullies in the world, I use to fear taking on new challenges, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear people being affectionate towards me, I use to fear asking for help, I use to fear being asked questions when giving talks, I use to fear running out of petrol, I use to fear the dentist, I use to fear tax time, I use to fear Shirley asking me questions, I use to fear making mistakes, I use to fear being asked to go to the office, I use to fear work as I felt that I was being controlled.
 
I used to think that because I earned the money I controlled the family, how inept inadequate insecure was I really. How long would it take for me to work as a team.
 
So in time I learned what my emotional triggers were, my unhealthy reactions being angry was due to my pains not being healed, my anger was also due to    my fears, another unhealthy reaction which was not  healthy to live in, my unhealthy reactions being angry was due to my frustrations which were due to my unhealthy unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, by me having unhealthy unreasonable expectations I was in effect causing myself some very unhealthy pains.
 
My other emotional triggers were feeling lonely and isolated, and my last emotional triggers were boredom, because I did not made use of my time being productive in myself and doing it for myself.
 
By my saying I have to implied not only was I obsessive but also, I felt I was doing things reluctantly and resentfully.
 
Was I at any time doing things because I wanted to or needed to do voluntarily?
 
So, in writing things down it was hard to put items on my list knowing what a need was and what was a want thing.
 
In time I would give of myself unconditionally, to not expect anything in return.
 
So, I got to ask for help, I got to ask questions, so I fully understood reasons and logic behind my actions and my words.
 
To be honest without causing offence or hurting people’s feelings.
 
The one thing I found hard to understand why I was not able to show gratitude and appreciations to people’s healthy actions and healthy words, to show gratitude and appreciations was it person pleasing, was it to try and impress people, in time I would understand that my showing gratitude and appreciations was my expression of my healthy values. To let people, know and understand that I was appreciative of their healthy actions and healthy words.
 
Once one regularly shows extremely healthy gratitude and appreciation there is an increase in peoples eye contact, that very short time of contact is very intimate and healthy.
 
Sadly, in today’s world sometimes people think showing that our gratitude and appreciation is not the norm and people be more forth coming in our honest sharing.
 
Why attend meetings if I have not gambled in over 29 years, it is not about money,  it is not about gambling, it is about healing my hurt inner child, it is about strengthening our own conscience, it is about learning that in justifying my failings I am not being mature or healthy, no matter when a person had their last bet or drink that our sharing is a two way street, that even today I am still a student on how to become more healthy and more accountable to myself.
 
In trying to justify any of my failings I am cheating myself and not being healthy.
 
Love peace and serenity to everyone.
 
Dave L
 
AKA Dave Of Beckenham 

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  Facing step four reduces our fears and helps heal our pains.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 23-09-2021, 06:47 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi 
My understanding of step four now is that we learn to look at our self and it is not to beat ourselves up or others, it is not to guilt trip our self or others, it is understanding our past experiences and understanding what is unhealthy and what is healthy.
The reason for me why I feared being honest, is as a child when I was asked to be honest, I was punished for it and caused many types of pains.
I was punished by physical ways, I was punished in emotional ways, I was punished by being humiliated shamed and put down.
Being in the rooms of recovery is about finding a path to healthier ways and to heal our hurt inner child.
Often people find that by doing step four you think you have done everything then later on further pains of the past come out.
Why should we do step four in a healthy way, to not fear being accountable to our self, the first seven steps we have no dealings with other people, us being accountable to our self is to be honest with our self, to identify what is healthy and what is unhealthy, to make decisions to move from unhealthy habits into healthy spiritual habits.
I am a non-religious person, yet I understand that in the past I would justify to myself saying or doing unhealthy things because of my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.
So, I understand today that my conscience is spiritual based values, when I justify saying or doing unhealthy things, I am hurting myself and I am hurting other people.
So, as we go back as we write things down from our past, we reduce the fear we live in, as we do so more deep seated unhealthy things come out and we start to peel back the onion and let the pains of our past come out and the main thing is the more pains that come out the more we are able to heal the pains and our fears reduce.
I understand that every painful trauma that I experienced has consequences fears, fears also come about to the guilt pains we put our self through, by doing step four we start to understand our unhealthy reactions to our pains fears and frustrations cause us to hide in our fears and suppress our pains.
A lot of people will react in unhealthy ways when they have lost their money and caused them self-more pains, they will blame the gambling establishments, they will blame the dealers, they will blame the fact that people and places are unlucky for them.
The simple fact no one made me gamble, the gambling establishments never stole my money I gave my money to them willingly.
The deeper I get in to step four the more I get the past exposed and the more I can understand and the more I am able to deal with.
One made question is made a fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves, the easy one is the financial part we have no money or funds, that is simple, moral inventory is a simple way did we say or do things that went against our own conscience, did I  lie, did I  betray peoples trust, did I  become more unstable and more unreliable, did I  betray peoples love of me and cause them so much pain they found it hard to live with me.
Step four is often done over and over again, in hearing other people’s therapies we will identify our self in other people, both healthy and unhealthy, as we feel our self in other people we recognize how much more we need to heal and change but it sometimes seems impossible to love our self, but it sometimes seems impossible to forgive our self, and forgiving is not about burying and suppressing it is about peeling back the onion and letting the pains and tears come out.
How do I know if I am working the recovery program, people close to me no longer live-in fear of me, people close to me no longer live in fear of having a voice with me which is based up on peace?
The addictions and obsessions were not me being selfish, the truth was the addictions and obsessions were a form of self-destruction of myself and others.
In recovery find it hard to set boundaries, that comes with time and it important that healthy boundaries are set from an expression of peace.
My boundaries should not be from an unhealthy reaction anger rage threatening behaviors.
Often to set a boundary I will remove myself from a situation thinks over and talk later on when people are not so controlling or angry.
So the more we get honest without self the past gets less and less painful, in ways the pains being open heal and we no longer feel pains when talking about them.
As a teenager I tried to take my own life, I did not tell anyone, I simply took a few things and went to sleep, the next morning I felt a complete failure, I could not even do a job of taking my own life.
Just after that event a married couple came into my life and gave me a childhood I wanted and needed, they were nurturing and loving, they were not living in fear or stress, they gave of them self to me unconditionally, we went shopping together, we fished together, the sleep overs were incredible.
That couple gave me what I needed and wanted and were things my mother could not give me. 
Up to over 90 years of age my mother lived in fears.
Just before mother passed away, I was able to share some of my recovery with her and I helped her understand that in the past there were several very unhealthy things said and done on every one’s part and that was no longer important, he most important thing that day was the fact I loved her very much and that I no longer feared her. That I was willing to give of myself to her unconditionally, from that moment onwards our relationship changed towards each other and to ourselves.
Having said that and meant it I was never going to live in regret of my mother’s passing.
I understand it is possible to heal the pains of our past even if someone has passed on, the healing of our pains is for us. 
Some might even think that healing the pains of our past is not that important, for me it is healing our inner child so that they can come out to play without any fears whatsoever.
By burying and suppressing pains some might think that is the healthy path, if I was not healed, I would be living in the fears of my past.
For me every pain of my past carried the consequences of fears that I needed to face and reduce.
Pains healed fears faced sets me free to live an honest open relationship with myself.
When my pains are being healed, I learn to have a healthy empathy for myself, only when I have a healthy empathy for myself, only then I can have a healthy empathy for other people.
In my experiences there have been many people ask me if I am a counsellor, I just laugh and say no, and they are surprised by my answer.
Children and dogs warm towards me, I understand often children talk to me quite openly, I understand today they are not talking to Dave the adult they are in fact talking to little David the healed inner child.
Some people often question why I often use Dave of Beckenham as my AKA, the came about back in the 1970 in Croydon, there so many Dave's that they gave us second names, as I lived in Beckenham that is how it came about, there was Dave the painter etc.
Once step four is done in a healthy way, to understand our unhealthy reactions, to understand our emotional triggers, and we start to open to understanding how unhealthy we were but more so how to deal with things in a much healthier way.
How could it take me so long to learn and understand how important therapies were to speed my recovery and my healing, how long to understand that when I went back to my addictions and obsessions was a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable, that the highs of my addictions and obsessions were not happiness but were the buzz adrenaline rushes.
In my recovery over time, I would give up most kinds of risk taking, it was healthier doing it that way. By me not risk taking I have a healthier balance in my life today. Peace harmony serenity and a more stable balance in all parts of my life.
I am a non-religious person, yet I do understand how important spiritual values are in my life.
That by me having spiritual values I strengthen my own conscience.
Today I am more stable, today I am more loving, today I am more respectful, today I am more patient and tolerant with myself, today I am more motivated, today I live in far less fear, today I am less likely to procrastinate, today I am more reliable, today I am more open to discussion, today I am liking myself more and more. 
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  Once I abstained from unhealthy habits I could get motivated and become healthier.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 23-09-2021, 03:06 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Motivation was some thing I needed to learn and understand. Every time I did any thing for an unhealthy reason I cheated myself. If I did things out of duty I was cheating myself. If I did things out of guilt or shame I was cheating myself. If I did things resentfully or reluctantly I was cheating myself. For sure I was an adrenaline junkie life was not fast enough for me. If people love or hate me that is their problem not mine. What people think of me is not important I know the truth about myself. Is that inner child free today. Can I be free of all fears today. Can I be unconditionally honest today. Can I give of myself unconditionally today. Do I value time and people love today. Do I value people friendships and their love today. 

My healthy productive time and healthy relationships are very valuable and precious to me today.

Can I be myself today.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  I am addicted
Posted by: shoebox - 22-09-2021, 10:30 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

I am addiction

I start in small subtle ways promising many things,

I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams,

I deliver guilt & despair more horrible than your worst nightmare,

I promise you power & courage,

I give you feelings of powerlessness & hopelessness,

I will force you to live in fear always,

I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems,

I create for you greater problems than you ever imagined,

I promise you many friends,

I allow you only isolation,

I promise happiness,

I create much sorrow, I will steal from you your dignity ,your families, your friends, your children, your homes, your demons, your spirit & your life, for love, freedom & happiness are impossible to find in my presence,

So never underestimate me,

I am devious & manipulating,

I have no preferences as to who I pick as my victim, rich or poor, young or old, black, white, yellow or red,

I have killed men, women & children,

I have no conscience.

So if you have met me, always be aware if you think you can beat me that I will be gone from your life and all will go well again.

Never forget that I will always be there, waiting in the dark shadows just around the corner.

I am very patient and I will laugh in your face if I can lure you into my evil world of hell on earth once again.

I am addiction

Writing taken from the "GA Red book android app"

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  In recovery I would find out I was emotionally vulnerable that I needed to heal
Posted by: gadaveuk - 18-09-2021, 07:47 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

My Name is Dave I am a compulsive Gambler, on day one in recovery it was hard to admit that simple fact.

I use to think that I would be happy once I was able to abstain from my unhealthy habits, was it really that simple, not so, the recovery program was about a healing process, and I could get healthy until I admitted to myself I was unhealthy.

Today it is simple to understand that my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I understand that on walking in to the recovery program I was not an evil person,  I was not a bad person, I was not a stupid person, I understand that I had been a victim and would continue to be a victim until I spoke up for myself.

Because I was emotionally vulnerable only indicated that my hurt inner child had not been able to heal his pains, my hurt inner child had not been able to face his fears, my hurt inner child had built high walls around him built on fears to save the inner child from being hurt again, a way of self preservation.

Even the walls of fear were there to protect the hurt inner child, the same walls of fear were going to restrict the hurt child from having healthy intimate relationships.

There have been many ladies who have told me that their husbands are only able to talk to me at any intimate level, the question why is that so, I think it is because they are interacting with the inner child with me, people often feel very comfortable talking to me.

I am not a counsellor yet I am often able to have empathy when dealing with pains of the past not yet healed or resolved.

I did not know that I was putting on a facade a show to pretend that I had all the answers, that was not true, there was one time at an airport Shirley and I were preparing to fly from, Shirley asked me how was I, I told her I was panicking, Shirley would not believe me.

I was very clever at hiding my fears my anxiety and my stress, so I thought, one might question was Shirley securing based up on my security.

While in action I feared being honest, I feared people finding out how insecure inadequate and inept I felt with  in myself.

There have been times in my life where I was offered promotions, each time I declined. 

Do not get me wrong if some one wanted help, I would help them on an anonymous basis. I was asked to do reports on other peoples work that again I did not do, loss of memory.

At one time I was advised that if I did not take the promotion I would most likely loose my job, I still declined, and they did not fire me.

I have suffered many kinds of abuse, I have been kicked in by 4 or five people, I have been knifed, I have been  bottled, I have been hit and run twice, I have been is a state physical trauma I could not feel any pain what so ever, I was advised to go home to bed and keep warm, the next morning was one of the very worst states of pains I have been in my life.

Sadly the unhealthy side effects of trauma is obviously pains, yet also comes the ability close your self out from the world and its people. The other side effect is a reduced response time, a lack of senses, and sadly an inability to learn and absorb education and information.

By being in  the recovery program I would start to understand my emotional triggers, I would be able to understand more about my rage and anger, the hardest for me was my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, by me having unreasonable expectations I was in effect hurting myself, yes I was causing myself unnecessary pains. 

By accepting the serenity prayer I am a non religious person, accepting the serenity prayer I am reducing unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

The meetings and more so therapies raised questions that I wanted to understand more.

I am very blessed that I have met many people over the world, and the meetings after the meetings gave me not only more insight but helped me improve my intimacy with complete strangers. Some times 2 or 3 hours would seem like half an hour.

Thee was one meeting I went out of my way to get to in England, the therapies and honesty were very powerful for me, some of the contacts were so healthy for me.

I have been in recovery since 1969, yet the simple question why is  it that I only have 29 years clean of Gambling, am I that slow of a learner, sadly when I walked in to recovery I had lost all confidence in myself, I felt like I had no value, I felt so ashamed of myself, the guilt and pains were breaking me up.

It took me along time to understand there is nothing I can do to change the past, what pains I have caused on others and myself cannot be taken away, I needed to understand if I am going to heal it is all up to me.

Learning from the past is healthy, living in the past is healthy, if I try to blank things out I am only hurting myself, if I do not reduce my fears I am sabotaging my future.

Money will not bring me happiness, money on its own will not bring me happiness, money just gives me more choices, if I am being unhealthy and go on holiday I am taking my own worst enemy with me.

At what point do I value myself, at what point do I write down my needs my wants and my goals. At what point do I get my ass in to gear and become more productive and more self sufficient in my skills.

I could not at peace with other people until I was at peace with myself.

I could not love other people until I loved myself.

I could not respect other people until I respect myself.

I could not trust other people until I trust myself.

I could not be intimate with other people until I was intimate with myself.

I could not be tolerant and patient with other people until I could be more tolerant and more patient with  myself.

Recovery is about just for today one single day, it all starts with one simple thing, Just for today only, I will not Gamble, then from that we can achieve so much more in our life.

Using the telephone extends our communication so much more, when you feel vulnerable make a call to a healthy person who will help you feel less emotionally vulnerable.

Talking people down from a vulnerable situations often turns out to be a two way street, by helping others we help our self.

It is very funny as we all grow together we still feel like we are at the same level of recovery as we use to be, not so by having a collection of people who are more stable emotionally and by sharing therapies we see our self in others as we were but more importantly how healthy we can become.

Love peace and serenity to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham.

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  Hi everyone!
Posted by: Mart1n82 - 15-09-2021, 07:38 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi, I'm very new here, so please bare with me if this is all wrong.  I was an online gambling up until last September, I would gamble away my wages and more often than not spend my rent money (bearing in mind I have a wife and four children) my wife finally caught me and I promised I would never do it again. However,  in July I had a relapse and gambed £xx online, which might not seem a lot,  but again I was found out (only 2 days ago) and now my relationship is on  knife-edge. I thought it was only a relapse, but then I've realised. I like a drink ( another issue i have to deal with) and when I go out I would play the fruit machine and have done all the way through and it would be every time I go out. So my addiction hasn't gone anywhere I've just moved to a different aspect. I do enjoy Gambling,  but its ruining everything I have and I need to stop.
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just wanted to get it out there and hopefully there's some advice here that will me? 
Many thanks

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Tongue Serveral years gambling
Posted by: Stevejwright - 14-09-2021, 12:36 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi, I'm new round here, well new to making posts anyway. In a nut shell I have been gambling, with the problems most problem gamblers have, for about 10 years, and I would say the early years were troublesome rather the last few years, maybe 5, which I feel I have no control over. I have tried many things, self ex, gamstop, gamcare etc, all of which have been some use but none seem to help me 100%. I dont blame the above its is me as a gambling addict.  I am a middle aged man and over the last few years I have been addicted to, sports betting, mainly football,  which I haven't done for about 12 months now, to be replaced by slots, online, which I have now banned, and then bookies, which I banned about 4 months ago, but now I often find myself in arcades or bookies in different areas, my job takes me over large parts of the UK, mainly from the Birmingham area south covering most of Central/Southern England as well as the majority of Wales. Apart from banning myself from every arcade (or similar) from all these areas I know I dont have the resistance to not go in, god knows I have tried, I know I am not the only one, i read many of the posts, i absolutely hate this addiction, it seems something that maybe there isn't any way of stopping this, although I see some or many people have. I often gamble with the thought not of winning but of hoping I lose so therefore I might be able to break this horrible thing, doesn't work though and no I don't win either. Sorry I am just letting off a little steam. I hope everyone on here manages to stop this addiction one day, I think that would make everyone happy. Sorry it was a larger nut shell than originally thought  Huh

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