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Understanding my emotiona...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
11 hours ago
» Replies: 0
» Views: 5
Sorting debt
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: sam4145
02-04-2020, 05:48 PM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 64
Need help
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: smartie
28-03-2020, 06:23 PM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 47
Meeting is cancelled quin...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: smartie
28-03-2020, 06:20 PM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 67
Just for today I will not...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
28-03-2020, 05:36 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 23
Just for today I choose n...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: gadaveuk
24-03-2020, 02:31 PM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 44
Coronavirus
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: glyn
20-03-2020, 02:24 PM
» Replies: 3
» Views: 133
New to the idea of talkin...
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: Simmo
19-03-2020, 03:29 PM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 65
Time for a change
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: Whyte012020
18-03-2020, 05:14 PM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 50
Hello... Again
Forum: Share Section
Last Post: RedPhil
15-03-2020, 06:28 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 66

 
  Understanding my emotional triggers helped me reduce the chances of gambling again
Posted by: gadaveuk - 11 hours ago - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Did I think that I was a compulsive gambler on walking in to the recovery program.

From day one in recovery I did not understand how emotionally vulnerable I was.

After some time I understand that my emotional triggers were my pains I could or would not heal.

Another of my emotional triggers were my fears I could face or reduce.

Another of my emotional triggers were my frustrations were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could not or would not reduce.

Because of my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was hurting myself, I as hurting myself.

Another of my emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness and due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

Another of my emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom, sadly the longer I was consumed by my addictions and my obsessions I was less productive and feared failing.

In questioning myself why I procrastinated so much was it fear based, was it lack of confidence, was it I feared failing, did I fear being successful.

In time I would help myself and abstain from Gambling, I would also start to give up unhealthy habits.

In time I would help myself by writing down daily lists of wants needs and my goals, help myself by writing down shopping lists, help myself by writing down spread sheets showing our finances and even paying things on time.

By delaying, by avoiding things I just put myself and my family under stress and anxiety.

Is living in fear healthy.

Why did I fear being honest, did I think that if I was honest would be painful and cause me pains.

Why did I fear committing myself.

Why did I fear mixing with groups o people, can I mix with people with out having to have a drink.

One day I  found out that anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains, an unhealthy reaction to my fears, an unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectation people lie and situations that did not go my way.

I can be myself today, I can be honest to myself and other people today, I do not need to live in fear today.

I understand that by living in fear is not healthy, in therapies I would see other people fears in myself. 

The recovery program is a healing process, I could only heal by admitting to myself I was in pain, then up to me to do something about it.

The recovery program is only a manual for me to learn from.

With this infection I can view it as a fear thing, or I can view it as a safety, that following guide lines I am able to learn to protect myself.

I can only value and respect other people when I am able  value and respect myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Sorting debt
Posted by: sam4145 - 01-04-2020, 06:47 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi. New here after deciding about a week ago to quit online roulette. It's cost me £xx over 3 years and I'm sure I have now exhausted all possible ways and softwares that might have turned me into a winner. I don't really feel a compulsion to play now. I've not had any other addictions like slots or sports nettings, just roulette. 

I have started a debt management program to make all my card and loan repayments affordable. One loan I only took out a few weeks ago and no doubt fibbed a bit in applying as I was desperate. Given I've not made any repayments yet they are not happy and said they will investigate it thoroughly. I'm worried what will happen when they discover I lied to get the loan? So far I haven't said the debts are cos of gambling but even if I did I don't suppose they'll care. 

Can anyone who's been in a similar situation tell me what to expect? I don't care about bad credit rating or defaults, I know that's coming. I'm just worried about being taken to court for fraud or something?

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  Just for today I will not gamble is a way of me not making things worse
Posted by: gadaveuk - 28-03-2020, 05:36 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that I set up for myself.

I know that if I were to gamble I would make things much worse in my life.

On walking in to the recovery program I thought that I would be the last person on this planet to stop gambling.

The gambling and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was very emotionally vulnerable.

In recovery I would learn what my emotional triggers were.

In recovery I would learn to exchange every unhealthy habit in to healthy habits. 

I do much more than abstain from my addictions and abstain from my obsessions.

Being a very emotionally vulnerable person I lived my life in self doubt, because of my past I did not value myself or values other people.

The rage and anger with in me indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

On walking in to the spiritual recovery program I did not fully understand how immature I was, my sulking was the feelings of a child not getting what he wanted.

Today I understand that my emotional age and my physical age do not match up.

The wording dysfunctional confused what could that be.

Today I understand that dysfunctional behavior is blaming and escaping responsibility for my own actions and my own words.

Dysfunctional behavior is very unhealthy, for me dysfunctional meant people could not work as a team, dysfunctional meant people were unable 
to interact in healthy spiritual ways.

In my time it would be up to me to take responsibility for my unhealthy habits.

The recovery could not stop me gambling that had to be my own choice.

The recovery would help me share myself in therapies and over time I would move on from my past after dealing with it.

The healthy people in the recovery problem would help me understand what was healthy and what was  unhealthy.

The rewards for being a healthy person is pride in ones self, I would be able to validate myself,  I would be able to compliment myself,  I would be able to be nurturing and encouraging towards myself.

The recovery program would help me help myself.

I understand my needs today, I understand my wants today, I understand my goals today.

I am not  willing to give up faith or hope in myself today.

I am not  willing to hurt myself or other people today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Need help
Posted by: angus1965 - 27-03-2020, 08:16 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hi everyone , I have an issue with gambling , I have tried to stop on my own , manage for a few days then start again . A couple of years ago I got into serious debt due to my gambling . I have almost sorted my finances but fear I will go back to that dark place . My issue is with online casinos , I have self excluded from some but always seem to find another , any advice or help would be gratefully accepted. Thank you

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  Just for today I choose not to gamble and heal my hurt inner child more
Posted by: gadaveuk - 24-03-2020, 02:31 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

In my recovery it was my choice to not gamble today.

For me to gamble today it simply makes things much worse.

For me to gamble would be an emotional trigger.

In time I focused on not only not gambling but seeing an end to the pains I was causing myself.

Once I was able to give up completely thinking of gambling to no longer dwell on money lost.

My therapies would help me open up more and no longer hide in a facade behind my walls of fears.

In time I would be able to heal,  I would also be able to articulate what my feelings and my emotions were.

As I  shared more and more about myself I would be able to heal from the pains of my past.

I did not give much thought to the words recovery, now I understand that healing could only happen once I was able to emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards gambling.

Today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations I could not cope with.

As a child I was a victim in so many ways, the rage in me exposed the unhealthy pains I was burying and suppressing.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a victim could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a perpetrator could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that that my addictions and my obsessions were unhealthy for me.

Why did I have anger towards the gambling establishments they never hurt me, I hurt myself, 
they never hurt my family, I hurt my family.

I use to justify lying and cheating, I use to justify giving my hard earned money away.

I use to think that if I won lots of money it would make up for all the pains and suffering I had caused.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

I do understand my wants or needs today, I write thing down to keep clear about my new path in life today.

My addictions and obsessions indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was, my addictions and obsessions were often fear based issues.

Just by abstaining only I was not healing my hurt inner child.

Yet by me abstaining from all unhealthy habits the healing process would start for my hurt inner child.

Before my recovery I was living in so many fears yet would not admit them to myself.

The healthy people in the recovery rooms would encourage me to come out of myself, with the reductions of  my fears trust would come in to my 
life.

I would move from feeling such in an inept inadequate fear filled insure person to gain faith hope in myself.

The consequences of working my recovery would be a healthy motivation in my needs, my wants and my goals.

Instead of living in the pains of my past I would live heal from my pains and live my life to the full today.

Just for today I will not gamble means I start to value myself and I have the choice to live a healthy productive day today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  Meeting is cancelled quinbourne Birmingham
Posted by: Michaelb1980 - 22-03-2020, 10:02 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Monday evening  meeting 7pm usually is  cancelled IMPORTANT UPDATE Re: Quinborne Opening

We have been advised by Birmingham City Council that from today they will be closing all leisure facilities and community centres across the district in accordance with the plans set out by the Government on Friday night.

Although Quinborne is a charity and as such do not fall under BCC we feel it would be irresponsible of us to not follow their lead.

It is with sadness we must report that from today, Saturday 21st March the centre will be closed to all members of the public.

Members of staff will be available onsite to make and take phone calls and we plan to still do everything we can to help the community during this testing time.

We will still continue to update our website and social media channels on a regular basis with phone numbers and website information that we think might be relevant.

Most of all, remember to wash those hands, stay safe and we look forward to welcoming everybody back as soon as possible.

Take Care

Quinborne Community Centre

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  Coronavirus
Posted by: davidnewcastle - 18-03-2020, 08:38 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (3)

With meetings closing down because of the virus what are fellow compulsive gamblers views about how as a  fellowship we can still operate?
We have a few ideas up here but interested for other ideas

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  Time for a change
Posted by: Whyte012020 - 18-03-2020, 05:14 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Over the last 2 years I’ve been maybe playing slots 3/4 times a week winning big then taking myself off sites to maybe a few Days later putting it all back in thinking I’m going to win Moreno sad news is it never happens. Well today I’ve took the step to sign up to  gamstop before I start on the spiral of self destruction I’m currently in debt through credit cards and overdrafts ive took another Step to get a loan and  clear this And make my debt One manageable payment. I’m starting to look on the bright side of life and make the most of my money instead of putting it all into online slots. If anyone has any advice please reply as this is all new to me thanks

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  New to the idea of talking about this.
Posted by: J03yb0y - 18-03-2020, 01:50 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Kinda thought this was something I could deal with internally but, like others, talking about it seems to be the best (or maybe the only) way forward. I don't know what kind of feedback this will receive but I'm gonna take a leap and post it anyway.. I tried my hand at writing a poem to best describe the way it has affected me. Comments welcome.




1 am at a service station 
Drinking coffee alone with an urge
Telling myself to get back in the car lest the familiar beast should emerge.

Forcing myself to the street, pulling a smoke from my jacket, I puff while I watch the end burn.
 I count the coins in my pocket, then I open my wallet, allowing the beast to return.

Before my lungs feel fresh air, I am straight back inside with every penny to my name in my hand,
I'm drawn to the lights like a moth to a flame believing I'll walk straight back out with ten grand.

Of course this won't happen and I know that's the case but the beast has infected my brain, 
It burrows, grows, stows within woes, and delicately drives me insane.

Secreting confidence and faith intwined with all hope, it's a dangerous cocktail, for sure.
For it's aware of its mission in destroying the soul as it forces me up to the door.

Unforgiving, persistent, convincing and such, it sits me, comfortably, down on the stool,
Where it will knead then proceed to feed on my mind. It's the master and I'm now the fool.

I am now face to face with the machine of my dreams, for tonight is the night I deserve.
The former contents of my wallet swallowed in seconds, no less, holding back nothing at all on reserve.

I take the first spin, DEAR LORD, IT CAME IN! WHAT A SPECTACULAR WIN, this is great!
Here rests any laughter, as every spin hereinafter is designed tactfully just to negate.

 'Insufficient funds' in bold CAPS on the screen bears emotions that won't go away. Hatred, embarrassment, guilt, I'm ashamed.I can't fathom why that didn't pay?

My pockets are silent as I bury my fist, no clinks, nor ruffles of notes.
The frenetic display of a person so desperate is the way that this foul creature gloats.

Dazed and confused with a child to feed and the rest of the week to get through, it's 5 days of worry, with 6 nights awake, asking 'what on earth is wrong with you?!'

The beast gently slips back, deep down within, it nestles softly in a wallet once full,
Now with space to stretch out for a comfortable rest it won't be disturbed, not at all.

One hard week goes by and I'm happier now, I've forgotten the gut-wrenching feeling-it's true!
But there's cause for alarm as there's cash in my palm, and the beast just awoke for round 2.


If just one person can relate, I'll know I'm not mad. Either way, thank you for reading. 

My names Joe, and I'm a compulsive gambler. 

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  Hello... Again
Posted by: RedPhil - 15-03-2020, 06:28 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi again everyone 

I just wanted to say hello (again) I've been absent from the forum for a good while. Hats off to the dedicated few who seem to be still keeping things going. Well done 

As always there's more guests than contributors, I'd encourage anyone to register, the mods activate the accounts pretty quickly and you'll be able to post your story, share your experience and hopefully help someone else.

My name is Phil and I am a compulsive gambler

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