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My addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations. - Printable Version

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My addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations. - gadaveuk - 05-01-2020

Hi

I did not walk in to the recovery program for myself.

From day one in the recovery program I did not fully understand that I was escaping in my fears.

Only when I went to meetings for myself and became selfish bout my recovery would I have a chance of healing.

I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster going nowhere healthy.

Being an addict I was very vulnerable emotionally, I was very much living on the edge of my nerves.

How could I think that risk taking that losing on a regular basis was fun and exciting, I even though if I got my lost money back I would be happy.

Each time I betrayed myself and other people I was in spiritual decline, I would even justify going against my own conscience.

The spiritual recovery program is non religious to me.

I am a non religious person and have found that healing my pains today is much easier.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was going to be my own choice.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me lying, that was going to be my own choice.

The spiritual recovery program was not going to stop me giving up all faith and hope in myself, that was going to be my own choice.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me get over testing times, they would help me understand when I am emotionally vulnerable and how to process my life in much healthier ways.

The spiritual recovery program is much like a mountain climbing training ground in how to deal with risky situations and how to get through life in the healthiest safest way possible. 

I walked in to in the spiritual recovery program very much emotionally traumatized in so many ways.

I did not know how to heal my pains, I did not know how to face my fears, I did not know how to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I did not know how to reduce my fears of emotional intimacy, I did not know how to over come my feelings of boredom. 

As I started to open up more and more and give therapies my fears would reduce, my fears would reduced my rus started to grow.

With step five that would be the beginning of me opening up to the possibility of some deeper emotional intimacy.

In time I would stop procrastinating and become more open and more productive in my life.

In time I would trust myself more, I would trust other people.

In turning to my addictions and obsessions indicated how much I was emotionally traumatized, and also indicated how much fear I was living in.

How ever sick or unhealthy I was on day in my recovery I am not the same person today.

The guilt shame regrets were the consequences of my unhealthy actions and my my unhealthy. 

The spiritual recovery program has helped e become a person I am proud to be today.

I have the choice to be the healthiest person and the most productive person I can be today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham