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Why was I so reluctant to go to meetings and learn to value myself. - Printable Version

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Why was I so reluctant to go to meetings and learn to value myself. - gadaveuk - 29-09-2020

Hi

The simple truth I did not go to meetings for myself, I went to meetings for other people.

I was a survivor for sure and did not know it.

The spiritual recovery program was about healing and finding a healthy way of living with out being self destructive by my own actions.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program was help me to sit and listen with out living my life in fear during this time.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me understand what were my emotional triggers and to make healthier choices in my decisions.

How could I think that by giving away my money and living in fear was fun.

How could I think that living on adrenaline was happiness.

Today I do not want to or need to escape myself people or life and go back to an unhealthy addiction or be obsessive and feel disconnected from life and people.

The spiritual recovery program is a non religious program where I was going to help myself become healthier and to stop wasting my life away.

My unhealthy reactions indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was, in those days I could be so volatile and did not understand that by being angry I was hurting myself.

A person can be expressive aggressive or suppressive aggressive, for me both of these are unhealthy habits.

My anger only indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

My anger was very unhealthy for me and my relationship with other people. 

In my recovery I learned to not live in fear and anxiety, panic would only occur when my levels of fear were high.

Panic was a very unhealthy reaction to my high levels of fears I could not deal with.

Anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains an unhealthy reaction to my fears and an unhealthy reaction to my frustrations.

Only once I healed my pains would my anger reduce.

Only once I faced my fears would my anger reduce.

Only once I reduced my expectations of people life and situations would my anger reduce.

In my recovery I learned to give of myself unconditionally.

It took me some serious time to start and heal my hurt inner child.

It took me some serious time to learn to listen and give up my control issues which were fear based.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would help me understand my full potential in facing more challenges in my life.

I have moved from being a very much self destructive person to becoming a more motivated more productive person today.

The spiritual recovery program would help me succeed in facing more challenges more goals and become a person I am proud of being today.

The spiritual recovery program would help me not live in the past and live for today only.

We are all supposed to learn from our past and to no longer live in the past.

Setting goals we extend our self more and more.

How much do I value myself today.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in myself today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham