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I use to feel weak lost inadequate insecure low self esteem low self worth & failure

How did I think that my addictions and obsessions controlled my life and every day choices.

I could not explain why I was so consumed by my addictions and my obsessions.

People in the recovery said that addicts were selfish, that did not sound true  to me.

Before my recovery I was self destructive destroying myself and people around me.

In time I understood I was not a bad person I was not evil and I was not stupid, I was just emotionally vulnerable.

What is a spiritual recovery program, how did it work for me, would it work for me being a non religious person.

A spiritual recovery program helped me learn that each day I could make much healthier choices in every avenue of my life, yet most important just for today only I will not gamble.

I use to think that people exposed their emotional vulnerability were weak people.

Not the case by sharing therapies we get to learn more about our  selves and how to make much healthier choices in every day life.

I found that I could not articulate my feelings and emotions in healthy way.

I found that I could not be honest because of my fears of suffering pain being rejected or abandoned.

I found that because I lived in so many fears going in to panic mode was very easy for me.

I found that I feared emotional intimacy.

I found that I was a dysfunctional person, I could interact in healthy ways, I could not communicate in healthy ways.

I found that I was a victim of my childhood and could not speak up for myself from a place of peace.

I found that I was a victim, I found that I was a perpetrator, I found that I wanted to be a rescuer.

I did Karate for two years to find out that I had fears of aggression and confrontation due to my parents  aggression and confrontation in my child hood.

No matter when my last bet it was important to go to regular meetings.

No matter if I had no money it was important to go to regular meetings.

No matter if I did not like certain meetings go to another meeting where I felt comfortable.

Healthy sponsors will be nurturing and encouraging for you making healthier choices.

Healthy sponsors will not bully or manipulate people.

Healthy sponsors will help people warm in to emotional intimacy.

Healthy sponsors will help people in to in depth talks about every avenue of your life.

Healthy sponsors will not take any responsibility  for any progress or new found skills you make in your recovery.

Healthy sponsors will not pester you by making to many calls to you.

The recovery program will help you help your self became a much healthier productive interactive person.

The recovery program will help you heal the hurt inner child in you.

No matter how long it takes for a person to open up and talk healthy rooms will be patient with you and will give you all the time you need to talk about your self.

In the last few days I have faced two fears of thing I had not done before.

I have overcome more and more of my unhealthy procrastination issues.

I do not fear emotional intimacy, I do not fear new challenges in my life today, I do not fear telling my partner when I feel emotionally vulnerable.

The recovery program gave me the tools to become more whole, more self sufficient, more tolerant and more patient with myself and with other people.

The serenity prayer helps me understand I am not able to change other people,  I am able to change my unhealthy reactions  to people life and situations to having healthy interactions.

It was very simple that by me having such high expectations of people life and situations I was in effect hurting myself.

The choice is mine today,  just simple slow baby steps, change from being unhealthy to being healthy today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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