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Can't Stop

I use to think that Gambling controlled my life.
The simple fact I understand that I turned to gambling when I could not cope with people life and situations.
By attending meetings I would see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting nowhere.
That my addictions and obsessions indicated how vulnerable I was with in myself.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
By getting lots of easy money would not help me feel successful in myself.
Money was just the fuel for my addiction.
If you take my money away from me did not heal that hurt inner child.
I am a non religious person.
Yet I do understand that my own conscience is based up on spiritual values.
When I told lies, I was getting more and more vulnerable and my fears were growing.
For me today I do not want or need to lie.
I use to laugh at people saying that honesty is the best policy, what did that mean any way.
With out lies my fears reduced, with out lies I stopped hurting myself and other people.
When I go against my own conscience I hurt myself and I hurt other people.
The instant I say to myself who cares any way I am giving up all faith and hope in myself.
The recovery program is just about just for today, in staying focused on my needs my wants and my goals I am more committed towards myself.
The recovery program working just for today I am not living in the past yet I am learning from it.
All the time I was focused on other people was not focused on myself.
Many people think or feel that an apology is about who is right or wrong.
In time I would learn that an an apology is about repairing and healing relationships.
I understand today that the addictions and obsessions were a form of me escaping in my fears.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
That my life was emotionally unmanageable long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.
It is the very first bet that I need to avoid.
By being in the recovery program I am not alone.
I am a part of a team with like minded people.
The recovery program is about healing my hurt inner child.
Any person non religious or religious can find a healthy recovery if you are willing to put as much time and energy in to my recovery as I put in to my addictions obsessions and other unhealthy habits.
How much do I value myself today.
Can I become a selfish person today, can make my recovery the most important thing in my life today.
Walking in to the recovery program did I do it for myself.
Did my yeses to twenty questions change as I got more honest with myself.
Do I relate to other peoples therapies today.
Do I see and feel for other people today.
Each day I have a list on the lists are my needs my wants and even new goals.
I have gone from feeling useless and worthless to being a person I am proud of being today.
Feeling successful is down to healthy actions and healthy words towards other people and towards myself.
The choice is all mine today.
Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Messages In This Thread
Can't Stop - by CantStop - 21-10-2019, 11:36 AM
RE: Can't Stop - by Simmo - 23-10-2019, 04:57 PM
RE: Can't Stop - by smartie - 25-10-2019, 10:05 AM
RE: Can't Stop - by CantStop - 30-10-2019, 10:52 AM
RE: Can't Stop - by smartie - 30-10-2019, 12:35 PM
RE: Can't Stop - by gadaveuk - 11-11-2019, 08:19 AM
RE: Can't Stop - by CantStop - 03-03-2020, 01:15 PM
RE: Can't Stop - by smartie - 04-03-2020, 04:14 PM

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