gambling yet again

[andy the loser]

My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler.After yet another totally miserable,lonely,bad,empty,boring and disgusting bank holiday weekend,spent alone,again with myself,ive finally given in to gambling again after 298 days without a bet.I went down to the bookies,purely out of boredom and armed with some cash that I ahd gotton hold of and sat in the bookies pretty much all afternoon,without betting until the last race at 5.35.I remember it well because there was a cert running,in my eyes and having picked winners all day without betting,this one had to win,so I thought,but as usual it got beat and the down slide continued.So I went out and borrowed money from 5 different sources and of course lost the lot.And now Im in a whole world of pain again.I just may as well go and end it all and do the right thing by jumping under a train because the bookies always get me,even after 6 months/9 months or whatever.I feel sick and disgusted with myself as I was approaching nearly 1 whole year with out a bet.But no,couldnt do it.Even though I knew if Id won Id have still been in there,today,tommorrow until it had all gone.I have let myself down,and also by not attending meetings ive also paid the price.Although I didnt lose as much as the last slip I had,I have now got huge debts to repay now,how I just dont know.
I dont make excuses,and I really didnt want to bet today,but a combination of the loneliness,boredom and jealousy of seeing other people enjoying and having fun,made me feel sick and envious because that is all I want,some happiness,but gambling has just massacred me again.Andy