12-07-2010, 08:23 PM
I am new to the site. About 10 days ago i came clean to my wife, announced I was n debt. I have a good job and will be able to sort this out in a matter of months but i felt physically sick and broke down when I told her knowing what I had done.....
The context is i was always a gambler.....since i did football pools as a child it evolved into a yankee as a teen and the occasional bet as a university student. Then when working life began and online gambling began. This was always justifiable and in what I would consider in control...as this would cost nothing more than many other hobbies over the course of a year...with some years providing winnings (you could always see these on your pprofit and loss account). The thing is every time i go racing i never bet more than i can afford and usually have a good day out. So it seems that my mind works very differently when it comes to electronic gambling. i have a good knowledge of NH racing and this past year won a lot in one hit.......paid off a significant part of mine and my wife's debts. Great......put the rest away for a mortgage.....tried to get one but my credit rating wasn't high enough...... then I thought i would put the money to good use......played some poker online won some money then lost it. Played some roulette and won, then lost it.....then started to leak every day...then up a lot and should have been withdrawn and lost it all. Anyway.....I lost a huge amount in total on online casinos......
My wife has stuck by me, thank god, but i am so ashamed of what I have done and i know the lying is worse than the gambling as far as she is concerned. She always knew i bet and loves to come for a day out to the races occasioinally....now i have jeopardiesed our future....perhaps a bit strong but i have surely delayed our plans by a year or two......
I have given her all cards and passwords and total control of all finances. I promised to see a doctor..i have and he recommended me to GA. I hope to attend some meetings in the near future but nearest is about 30 miles away and while i am in debt that petrol money seems a lot. Luckily i have no credit cards but i did borrow money from a friend and money from pay day loan companies...with my wife's help, and a second job i am taking on, I can be in black again in 4 months......so i think i am pretty lucky.
I have spent a lot of the day on the site and it has certainly made me see the light. I now know how much pain I have caused. I know I need to change my lifestyle....i recognise this is something I need to keep on top of...and i will never lie to my wife again.....now i need to rebuild her trust in me...but more importantly i need to rebuild my trust in myself. We have got game blockers in place too....luckily i never seem to have a problem with cash betting as i seem to value that..it is numbers on a screen that seem to be the problem..... I would appreciate any help, advice or suggestions that people can offer on any aspects of what i have said here. I am already feeling so much better. I still get that sick feeling in my stomach and hope i always do when i think of what i did as it will hopefully make me think before I act.....hoppefully I am well and truly on the road to recovery......
thanks for listening
DP
The context is i was always a gambler.....since i did football pools as a child it evolved into a yankee as a teen and the occasional bet as a university student. Then when working life began and online gambling began. This was always justifiable and in what I would consider in control...as this would cost nothing more than many other hobbies over the course of a year...with some years providing winnings (you could always see these on your pprofit and loss account). The thing is every time i go racing i never bet more than i can afford and usually have a good day out. So it seems that my mind works very differently when it comes to electronic gambling. i have a good knowledge of NH racing and this past year won a lot in one hit.......paid off a significant part of mine and my wife's debts. Great......put the rest away for a mortgage.....tried to get one but my credit rating wasn't high enough...... then I thought i would put the money to good use......played some poker online won some money then lost it. Played some roulette and won, then lost it.....then started to leak every day...then up a lot and should have been withdrawn and lost it all. Anyway.....I lost a huge amount in total on online casinos......
My wife has stuck by me, thank god, but i am so ashamed of what I have done and i know the lying is worse than the gambling as far as she is concerned. She always knew i bet and loves to come for a day out to the races occasioinally....now i have jeopardiesed our future....perhaps a bit strong but i have surely delayed our plans by a year or two......
I have given her all cards and passwords and total control of all finances. I promised to see a doctor..i have and he recommended me to GA. I hope to attend some meetings in the near future but nearest is about 30 miles away and while i am in debt that petrol money seems a lot. Luckily i have no credit cards but i did borrow money from a friend and money from pay day loan companies...with my wife's help, and a second job i am taking on, I can be in black again in 4 months......so i think i am pretty lucky.
I have spent a lot of the day on the site and it has certainly made me see the light. I now know how much pain I have caused. I know I need to change my lifestyle....i recognise this is something I need to keep on top of...and i will never lie to my wife again.....now i need to rebuild her trust in me...but more importantly i need to rebuild my trust in myself. We have got game blockers in place too....luckily i never seem to have a problem with cash betting as i seem to value that..it is numbers on a screen that seem to be the problem..... I would appreciate any help, advice or suggestions that people can offer on any aspects of what i have said here. I am already feeling so much better. I still get that sick feeling in my stomach and hope i always do when i think of what i did as it will hopefully make me think before I act.....hoppefully I am well and truly on the road to recovery......
thanks for listening
DP