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One thing that makes me feel...
I havent gambled for so so long now that sometimes it makes me so worried. Its been four years nearly but the temptation is always always there.

I was a right idiot before always a loser, loosing more and more and getting myself in a total situation week to week.

Every week i would say next week pay day not to worry, wont bet again and in action i would soon be there chasing, loosing, it wasnt a life.

Last week I was busy on business as i always keep myself but on the sunday i had some free time, I walked the streets not wishing to spend any money (as I dont want to fail in business) and saw the bookies I felt the intrigue come to my mind, the pause, the flash in the brain to go inside, i was an inch from the edge of the cliff with no-one to catch me.

Fortunately my absitinence has been so long that the stronger voice of optimism made me find an alternative to my boredom and I duly bought some trainers (I has no sports clothes) returned to my hotel and went for a workout instead.

The rest of the day with my "brush with failure" was locked inside my room awaiting an angel to return (my gf) who I have had the courage to tell I once had a problem with gambling but no longer do it and we went for dinner.

My family and even myself used to think it will be one hard woman who takes care of me, because I was messy in life and everything but through abstinence I have found a new way, a new courage, a new determination.

I was even mightely insecure years ago but now those insecurities blend into insignificance as my gambling was escapism also. I was never wonderfully handsome but had the gift of charm with the ladies, I was a worrier, a person seen as a player of distinct proportions, not settled, not relaxed, floating like a butterfly always doing this or doing that, never settled.

In the past four years I have seen it all, lost love, no money, hard times, but I have grown as a person, now im fighting for life, fighting to be respectable, fighting with a purpose and direction.

In this four years its allowed me to become less judgemental, less hypocrytical and a much more balanced individual striving for chances to be stronger and better.

My language, my self control and understanding of myself has grown. Yes things annoy me, yes I get wound up, but i dont take my anger out on those around me and most important I dont hurt myself.

For all those who believe there situation is bad and they have no chance, you have, its one day away, one day at a time, step by step, as long as that step is forward.

Tommorow I will clean out my car and get it fixed and the next day do something positive also why because god granted me the serenity to accept the things I couldnt change the courage to change the things I could and the wisdom to know the difference.

Its a very simple saying but this is etched in my brain forever thanks to GA and one day at a time I will succeed.

comments please.

Messages In This Thread
One thing that makes me feel... - by Barrieexgambler - 05-11-2010, 11:15 AM
Re: One thing that makes me feel... - by helen - 13-11-2010, 01:39 AM
Re: One thing that makes me feel... - by Barrieexgambler - 14-11-2010, 01:47 AM
Re: One thing that makes me feel... - by matty72 - 14-11-2010, 02:55 PM
Re: One thing that makes me feel... - by helen - 15-11-2010, 03:10 AM
Re: One thing that makes me feel... - by Barrieexgambler - 23-11-2010, 08:30 AM

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