04-05-2011, 12:45 PM
My name is scott (34) and i am a recovering compulsive gambler,
My problems started about 29yrs ago when my mum and dad split after a relationship from hell due to my dads gambling addiction. I was 5yrs old at the time and remember treading on egg shells around my father not knowing weather he was going to lash out at the slightest thing i said. Looking back now i'm so glad they did split but for many years afterwards i foolishly blamed myself for their seperation and became very insecure, worried that my mum was going to disappear as well. Straight after their seperation my dad used to see my sister and me every other weekend by taking us off to the seaside to spend 10 hours in a slot machine arcade (very exciting for a 5yr old). Over the next few months he stopped seeing us, probably due to the inconvenience to his gambling lifesyle. I believe that having my dad disappear at that time in my life i found a crutch that took away my feelings, fears and anxietys. As i got older my mum re married which i rebelled against. I became very angry with life and everyone around me, i would be spiteful and nasty if i didn't get my own way. My mum says that she could always remember the temper tantrums i would have when i ran out of money in the arcades on holiday, she always used to give me more money to keep me quiet and i think i would have done the same in her position back then. When i left school and got my first job it felt great to be earning money and not having to steal from my mums purse anymore. I remember getting the barman from the local snooker club letting me out the back door at 5mins to midnight so i could get my wages out only to return to blow them in the slot machines. My gambling took a big hold of my life at this time and it wasn't long before i was stealing money from not only my mum but also my employer. It wasn't long before i was sacked for theft and also kicked out of home for stealing my step dads wallet. My mum was still secretly helping me financially behind my step dads back, she also tried getting me help with my gambling by contacting ga. I was 18 at the time and thought that i knew what was best for me even though i did attend a couple of meetings in weston super mare to keep my mum off my back. I remember attending my first meeting all sat in a circle with a 60ish yr old man telling his life story of where gambling had taken him (to hell and back). I came away thinking that i would never get that bad and he was far worse than i would ever be. I attended a few more meetings before i convinced my mum that everything was under control and i no longer needed to go (fixed)! Shortly after i turned 18 i started going into the bookies betting on anything i could. I managed to get another job after getting sacked from the last one and started stealing again. I was making good money from my job but it was never enough even with the theft. I decided to get a bank loan which was for a car which i blew in the matter of a few weeks. At the age of 20 i was mixing with some very unsavoury characters who were keen on me joining them in a bank robbery, which thankfully didn't ever go ahead. I was struggling to get enough money to gamble. I was needing more and more of a buzz and that meant more had to be wagered. I was swapping women every couple of months, once their money had run out. I carried on this path of destruction for the next 7yrs. At the age of 27 i met my wife. I thought it was xmas, the pound signs were rolling round in my eyes like slot machine reels. She has a very well paid job and seen her as a very easy target for money. Within 3 weeks of meeting her i had moved from somerset where i was living to leamington spa where she lived. The access to money was instant, she was going to work whilst i was sitting in the slot machine arcade for 12 hours spending a lot of money some days. I believe that she fell in love with me some how and i was just using her for her money. Being in the slot machine arcade was becoming boring with low level jackpots so i decided to persuade her we should go to the casino for a night out. As soon as i started playing blackjack and roulette i was instantly hooked. i ended up attending there daily from 2pm til 6am. Whenever my wife got paid bonuses of several thousand which would be a couple of times a yr they would be gone within the weekend. I eventually got a job due to the pressures from my wife but gambled that as well as her money. After 5yrs of highs and lows i finally hit rock bottom and didn't want to live anymore. I went to the doctors who put me tablets and forwarded me to see councellor, it was such a relief to break down and be honest about my life of hell. I ended up going to a rehab clinic in coventry that helps people with addictions understand why they do what they do and the behaviour patterns surrounding their addiction. It was the best investment i have ever made. Over the 12 weeks of rehab i learn't so much about who i am and what i have to do to have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I was very closed minded to the 12 steps of recovery at first but i can honestly say that it has given me a new life. I would be lying if i said it was easy, it has taken lots of honesty and commitment from me and my sponsor but has been worth it. Anything that comes easy to me are bad for my recovery! Today my beautiful wife and i no longer live with fear anxiety and stress thanks to ga and all the people who continue to help.
(IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING THEN NOTHING CHANGES)
Living one day at a time we can all feel happy, joyous and free!!
Thanks for taking the time to read.
My name is scott and i will always be a recovering compulsive gambler.
My problems started about 29yrs ago when my mum and dad split after a relationship from hell due to my dads gambling addiction. I was 5yrs old at the time and remember treading on egg shells around my father not knowing weather he was going to lash out at the slightest thing i said. Looking back now i'm so glad they did split but for many years afterwards i foolishly blamed myself for their seperation and became very insecure, worried that my mum was going to disappear as well. Straight after their seperation my dad used to see my sister and me every other weekend by taking us off to the seaside to spend 10 hours in a slot machine arcade (very exciting for a 5yr old). Over the next few months he stopped seeing us, probably due to the inconvenience to his gambling lifesyle. I believe that having my dad disappear at that time in my life i found a crutch that took away my feelings, fears and anxietys. As i got older my mum re married which i rebelled against. I became very angry with life and everyone around me, i would be spiteful and nasty if i didn't get my own way. My mum says that she could always remember the temper tantrums i would have when i ran out of money in the arcades on holiday, she always used to give me more money to keep me quiet and i think i would have done the same in her position back then. When i left school and got my first job it felt great to be earning money and not having to steal from my mums purse anymore. I remember getting the barman from the local snooker club letting me out the back door at 5mins to midnight so i could get my wages out only to return to blow them in the slot machines. My gambling took a big hold of my life at this time and it wasn't long before i was stealing money from not only my mum but also my employer. It wasn't long before i was sacked for theft and also kicked out of home for stealing my step dads wallet. My mum was still secretly helping me financially behind my step dads back, she also tried getting me help with my gambling by contacting ga. I was 18 at the time and thought that i knew what was best for me even though i did attend a couple of meetings in weston super mare to keep my mum off my back. I remember attending my first meeting all sat in a circle with a 60ish yr old man telling his life story of where gambling had taken him (to hell and back). I came away thinking that i would never get that bad and he was far worse than i would ever be. I attended a few more meetings before i convinced my mum that everything was under control and i no longer needed to go (fixed)! Shortly after i turned 18 i started going into the bookies betting on anything i could. I managed to get another job after getting sacked from the last one and started stealing again. I was making good money from my job but it was never enough even with the theft. I decided to get a bank loan which was for a car which i blew in the matter of a few weeks. At the age of 20 i was mixing with some very unsavoury characters who were keen on me joining them in a bank robbery, which thankfully didn't ever go ahead. I was struggling to get enough money to gamble. I was needing more and more of a buzz and that meant more had to be wagered. I was swapping women every couple of months, once their money had run out. I carried on this path of destruction for the next 7yrs. At the age of 27 i met my wife. I thought it was xmas, the pound signs were rolling round in my eyes like slot machine reels. She has a very well paid job and seen her as a very easy target for money. Within 3 weeks of meeting her i had moved from somerset where i was living to leamington spa where she lived. The access to money was instant, she was going to work whilst i was sitting in the slot machine arcade for 12 hours spending a lot of money some days. I believe that she fell in love with me some how and i was just using her for her money. Being in the slot machine arcade was becoming boring with low level jackpots so i decided to persuade her we should go to the casino for a night out. As soon as i started playing blackjack and roulette i was instantly hooked. i ended up attending there daily from 2pm til 6am. Whenever my wife got paid bonuses of several thousand which would be a couple of times a yr they would be gone within the weekend. I eventually got a job due to the pressures from my wife but gambled that as well as her money. After 5yrs of highs and lows i finally hit rock bottom and didn't want to live anymore. I went to the doctors who put me tablets and forwarded me to see councellor, it was such a relief to break down and be honest about my life of hell. I ended up going to a rehab clinic in coventry that helps people with addictions understand why they do what they do and the behaviour patterns surrounding their addiction. It was the best investment i have ever made. Over the 12 weeks of rehab i learn't so much about who i am and what i have to do to have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I was very closed minded to the 12 steps of recovery at first but i can honestly say that it has given me a new life. I would be lying if i said it was easy, it has taken lots of honesty and commitment from me and my sponsor but has been worth it. Anything that comes easy to me are bad for my recovery! Today my beautiful wife and i no longer live with fear anxiety and stress thanks to ga and all the people who continue to help.
(IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING THEN NOTHING CHANGES)
Living one day at a time we can all feel happy, joyous and free!!
Thanks for taking the time to read.
My name is scott and i will always be a recovering compulsive gambler.