19-08-2011, 02:50 PM
Went to another meeting yesterday and didn't feel as "comfortable" as I had in the other location.
I'm a very vocal person anyway, but in this branch it felt like there was no quarter being given. If your name was written down on the register,then you were there to speak. No sitting on your hands or listening to other people's woes, whilst you sit there saying nothing.
To be honest, I actually felt like I got more out of last night, than the previous group I had been attending in my area. I will continue to try and get to both meetings (and others), but last night hit home to me what my addiction is all about. No-one's illness is greater than another's, regardless of the monetary amounts they may have wasted on roulette, horses, dogs, fruit machines, casinos, etc. We are all in the same boat. But I saw guys last night that were truly broken from gambling and for a brief moment, I thought I had walked into an AA or NA meeting.
I know that is a very ignorant thing to say, but that's how I felt. But on reflection, is somebody who has gambled their last pound in a bookies and made their family homeless, any different to someone who has destroyed their life through drink and drugs? Probably not.
As for the home front, nothing much has changed. My wife's attitude towards me changes by the hour and the inevitable situation with the bills and the house is still going to happen. There's been a few times where my wife has shouted at me over trivial things, but what can I do? I've made it this way.
The hardest thing of all is looking my daughter in the eye. She'll be 2 next week and she's at that age where she's talking for England. I picked her up from nursery yesterday and as we reached the front door of where we live, she said "My house!"
My house? Not for much longer. What an utter scumbag I've been.
One last thing. I went to the doctor's yesterday and told her what I'd done and how I was feeling/my state of mind etc. Her answer? Go back to work immediately, starting from tomorrow. Wasn't expecting that, but maybe I need the harshness in my life and to stop being bailed out.
I'm a very vocal person anyway, but in this branch it felt like there was no quarter being given. If your name was written down on the register,then you were there to speak. No sitting on your hands or listening to other people's woes, whilst you sit there saying nothing.
To be honest, I actually felt like I got more out of last night, than the previous group I had been attending in my area. I will continue to try and get to both meetings (and others), but last night hit home to me what my addiction is all about. No-one's illness is greater than another's, regardless of the monetary amounts they may have wasted on roulette, horses, dogs, fruit machines, casinos, etc. We are all in the same boat. But I saw guys last night that were truly broken from gambling and for a brief moment, I thought I had walked into an AA or NA meeting.
I know that is a very ignorant thing to say, but that's how I felt. But on reflection, is somebody who has gambled their last pound in a bookies and made their family homeless, any different to someone who has destroyed their life through drink and drugs? Probably not.
As for the home front, nothing much has changed. My wife's attitude towards me changes by the hour and the inevitable situation with the bills and the house is still going to happen. There's been a few times where my wife has shouted at me over trivial things, but what can I do? I've made it this way.
The hardest thing of all is looking my daughter in the eye. She'll be 2 next week and she's at that age where she's talking for England. I picked her up from nursery yesterday and as we reached the front door of where we live, she said "My house!"
My house? Not for much longer. What an utter scumbag I've been.
One last thing. I went to the doctor's yesterday and told her what I'd done and how I was feeling/my state of mind etc. Her answer? Go back to work immediately, starting from tomorrow. Wasn't expecting that, but maybe I need the harshness in my life and to stop being bailed out.