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My name is Simmo
#51
Depression and anxiety are still things I have to deal with. I've been on some what of a downward spiral most of this year. I've now got to the point where almost every facet of life is becoming overwhelming. It's very important for me to remember that the old way of escaping these feelings was to gamble and avoid dealing with them. Today, I'm starting to work through the thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviours. I've had massive amounts of procrastination as a result of the anxiety and this has then brought on another bout of depression. I will be working through these feelings, they will not define me, I am stronger than I think I am right now.

Just for today I will not gamble.

In Unity

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#52
Hey Simmo,

Pick one thing that you want to change and put a bucket load of effort into making that happen.
You'll feel like a new man again, and probably the same way you felt after coming to grips with this awful disease we all have.

And any time you need a new friend/sounding board or just need to vent in complete confidence, this forum and its members are here to help you. You've helped me many times already, least I can do is to offer to return the favour Smile

Stay strong, your sunny disposition is what helps so many of us,

Best wishes

STS
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#53
I've been undertaking CBT sessions and they are really helping with anxiety and depression, things got a bit worse before starting to get better, but that was expected. Ignoring things doesn't make them go away, I've had to tackle the thoughts and feelings one by one and it's very empowering to do so.

Gambling is no longer an option, so i have to face up to the issues and not run away.

Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time.

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#54
How are you doing Simmo?
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#55
(02-09-2018, 08:26 AM)StrengthToStop Wrote: How are you doing Simmo?

Thanks for asking STS, in terms of gambling, still going strong, but with anxiety and depression it been a battle, the CBT sessions seem to be making it worse, but I know I have to keep working through it and do as suggested.  I'm proud to be in recovery and I know that gambling is not an option.  I've also made the decision to give up smoking as of the 1st Sept.  I'm not sure why I have chosen now, but I do know that smoking was actually contributing to me feeling bad about myself and I've given up before so I know I can do it again.  Day 3 of not smoking and yes, I'm climbing the walls a little, but I know the cravings will subside.  

As I say daily... Just for today I will not gamble, I'm using this same mantra for smoking, Just for today I will not smoke.  

In Unity

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#56
Something has come to mind this morning that proves to myself how important going to meetings are. I was invited to go out with a few guys at work for a fully paid meal, and I turned it down because I had plans already. Those plans were to attend my home meeting. I didn't really think about it at the time, but it came naturally that my priority in life is my continued recovery, because without recovery, all other areas of my life will suffer if I go back to gambling.

Just for today I will not gamble, no matter what! One day at a time

In unity

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#57
I have similar feelings to meetings Simmo...

I can share GA's guidance, understanding of the illness and the 12 step program, but ultimately we all make our own decisions.....

All the best
Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...

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#58
Wow! Great dedication Simmo.

I did the complete opposite last weekend, and said yes to a fully paid for BBQ Pool party at the bosses country residence. It was also for the full family and their first chance to meet my co-workers.

I did though check in via WhatsApp and I will be attending this week at least once to continue my rehabilitation.
If it was less important, and I guess this deems it is, then I would go to the meeting, like this Sunday I have turned down Sunday Roast at my mother in laws to attend. I won't miss anymore than 1 week unless I'm on holiday.

I salute you though, the dedication you show us all is inspirational.
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#59
It's about time I updated my own journal...

Just checking my sobriety clock, it's been 955 days since my last bet, and whilst I'm at it 55 days of no smoking too. Giving up smoking seems to be harder than giving up gambling but one day at a time, I am succeeding! I got to the point where I do not want to be controlled by any addiction, and since I've smoked since I was 11, smoking as a stress reliever was the go to thing, something that my adolescent brain had been accustomed to. No matter what the addition, the mind seems to fight the sensible logical decision, however something that was suggested to me at the start of my no smoking journey has really helped. I made a list of the all the reasons why I wanted to stop smoking, then I made a list of the reasons why I wanted to continue to smoke. It was very clear when reading this back from what I had written, that the part about giving up was the "adult ego state", the logical decision making part and the reasons to carry on smoking were the "child ego state" the emotional reactive part of me. The main reason to carry on smoking was a real toys out the pram expression "because I want to smoke". I actually laughed at myself, stuck with my decision to stop and review the words I wrote when I get wobbly and tempted to go back to smoking.

I realise I am talking about smoking here rather than gambling, yet the resolve is the same. Addiction is addiction and it does require action to overcome the destructive cycle that addiction keeps you in.

Just for today I will not gamble, just for today I will not smoke,

One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#60
998 days without a bet, does this mean I won't ever gamble again? I don't know, but what I do know is that I will NOT gamble today. My desire to not gamble is very strong, however it doesn't stop the cravings and urges to gamble. Usually as a result of low mood, and as an escape to those feelings. I know that it is NOT the answer, but it's doesn't stop those thoughts from coming up every now and then. This is why it's important to have a maintain a support network and work the recovery program.

To reinforce my desire not to gamble, I've taken an additional step this week, some of the urges that I've had have been related to online gambling, so I've registered with gamstop.co.uk. Even though I've not gambled for quite some time, there was still a hesitation that came about whilst registering for the maximum amount of time, reminding me that the pilot light is always on, ready for the fuel to be turned on.

Just for today I will not gamble, One day at a time

Simmo
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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