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Story Of A Gamblers Partner
#1
Hello Fellow GA Users

Thank you for Taking the Time To Read My Story. I Am Writing this In An Honest Account Of Someone Who Has Experienced Gambling Addiction from the other side of the coin
If I Offend Anyone I apologise, as I Would like you to Read My Story with an Open Mind and No Judgement.

My Hatred of Gambling Started in my Teens. My Mother who was My Hero, Who I Assumed was a Perfect Person.
Broke down to me on our own one evening, that she was in a Huge amount of debt to Online Poker and Roulette Websites.

That Day Changed my Life, The desperation and shame on her face will be something that is imprinted on my Brain Forever.
I supported her out financially and emotionally, She Begged me not to Tell Dad and I Kept my Word. 

This person who had always been perfect to me, I began to lose respect for, continually nagging and badgering her to stop and get help. Of course for a while she still continued to gamble. All the while still hating herself.

Unfortunately I no longer looked at her in the admiring way I used to, I saw her as weak and Foolish. My mother is a strong person, It was and still is a total shock that she could let this control her.
She Eventually admitted she was 'bored' with her life and it was something that she had no control over. She still gambles to this day. Not as excessively, however I must ask myself. Will she ever be able to go cold Turkey?

Fast-forward a few years later. I went to Vegas, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about (Call This Poetic Research) 
I must admit they're was a certain Buzz that came with the gamble. You thought to myself after a win. If I put another $xx in, I will win. Its almost an itch. However I ended up blowing it all, and never gambled since. I suppose I wanted to experience the emotions my mother went through and wow what a rollercoaster they were.
(Excitement, euphoria, shame, regret, even disgust)

In my Mid Twenties, I met an amazing charismatic man, We fell in Love Instantly. I told him about my past. He told me he placed bets on Football, I was fine with this as he reassured me it was something he was in control of.
He also opened up about his Dad having a very severe Gambling addiction to Football & Horse Betting. So I assumed because of the experience with my mother, and the pain he had suffered with his absent father, He would have the same attitude and be in control of his hobbie.

Over the years, I noticed changes in him he would run out of Money. He would be constantly checking football scores and becoming obsessed, our Saturdays became fixed around watching soccer Saturdays.

He began to become withdrawn and secretive, I never saw any signs with my mother. However call it sixth sense if you will.
I confronted him and asked to see his bank statements. My Heart sank as I read £xx skybet, £xx Betfred on average he was spending £xx - £xx a week on betting.

I remember him declaring 'Well I win more than I lose' 

I tried to help and support him, all the while blaming myself. I tried to Limit his betting, ask him to get a councillor. Take away his bank card.
I tried to help by planning day trips, giving him other activities and hobbies to focus on.

However this just made him more sly and sneaky. A week before Christmas he had no money in his bank and had to borrow a tenner from his mum for some shopping. Yet he still continued.

I had to call it a day for my own sanity. 

I will be honest, I lost respect for him, I wondered if the man I fell in love with all those years ago was a character he portrayed to me. Maybe a version of himself he wanted to be?

I now saw him as weak and had no sense of direction or purpose with his life
After reading others accounts I know it is an Illness, still I couldn't help resenting him for having no self control and not wanting a better life? He was such a closed book when it came to feeling and emotions and I always wonder if this played a factor in his Spiral?

A few years passed and we met again. It seemed he was in better spirits, he seemed more honest and admitted he gambled still a little but hadn't done it for a while.
We got back together. My only condition was if he gambled again I would end the relationship. His gambling has a big impact on my mental health and I couldn't put myself through what I had been through years previous with him.

The first few months were amazing (portrayed character?).
However I got ill and I suppose we were having a rough patch. I caught him gambling again and unfortunately I caught him out again. Maybe this was a trigger. But it seemed more of a pattern than a trigger.

I remember being sat in a bus station crying hysterically through my sun glasses with the words I'm sure most GA Effectors can relate to... 'How could he do this to me again?'

When I have reflected on our journey. I noticed after a few months not just in our relationship but in any he has ever had, he was never Happy. He was always up and down with his moods, and would almost always be chasing something else either 'women, drugs or gambling'
Is they're any gamblers similar to this that can explain this?

I also found it strange that knowing how his Dad was and, how he would moan about his friends who had no control  over their gambling. He still continued.

I believe his biggest problem was to not open up about his habit. I was really the only one who knew and still am I guess. He sugar-coats it to everyone else.
If he would have let people help and support him. I believe he may have had a fighting chance at combating this for good.

As a partner of an addict. The lies, Dishonesty and Lack Of self control, ultimately made me lose respect and to be honest I stopped loving him. 

I went through a phase the first time we parted ways, of blaming myself.
That I was the reason he was bored with his life. Was there More I could have done? Why wasn't he Happy?

I now intend to write a piece and promote awareness of the dangers of gambling. I am interested on hearing, all views as honest as possible.

However I have a few questions to put to GA Users, If you feel you have the strength to contribute Please do.

What are the emotions you feel when placing a bet/Losing and Winning?

Do you have triggers? 

Have you always been quite impulsive as a person? 

Do you get this 'bored' feeling? If so could you elaborate?

What is it ultimately you hope to gain with Gambling?

Do you believe it is a certain type of personality or trait of an individual that may influence their gambling addiction?

Please answer an honestly as possibly I can assure you they're is no judgement here. Please feel free to share your stories honestly as I have mine. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I have been as honest as I possibly can be and again apologise if I have caused offense, I can assure you this is not my intention.
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#2
What are the emotions you feel when placing a bet/Losing and Winning?
There was always a crescendo of emotions leading up to placing a bet, mainly excitement, this then went to numb feeling whilst playing, mainly escaping anxiety and pain, and then severe frustration with myself for not walking away until everything was gone. then regret, remorse, pain and suffering. Why did I do it again? One thing I'm happy about in recovery is no longer being on that rollercoaster of emotion. this are now more calm, honest and much less pace of life. I'm able to enjoy and treasure the things I have, especially my wife and kids.

Do you have triggers?
I had many, from just seeing the flashing lights, to emotional pain that I wanted to escape from. There were times when I would invent triggers just to have the excuse to have a bet. I still have triggers, but I don't act on them, I reach out for support, talk about them, and the urge soon passes. I then feel great for not giving in to the addiction.

Have you always been quite impulsive as a person?
I recently did a jahari window exercise with my family. All of them agreed that I was impulsive, and so do I. This is something that I now work on all the time to be less impulsive. I don't spend money on things I don't need anymore, and gambling is certainly something I don't need.

Do you get this 'bored' feeling? If so could you elaborate?
I never used to get bored. Mainly because I always gambled. So I never really had a time when I was bored, as I would always be doing something. I can now be bored, and it's ok to be bored, it's actually a good time to rest. I'd had enough time in my life fighting boredom to the point where I didn't even know what it was.

What is it ultimately you hope to gain with Gambling?
The dream world of a compulsive gambler, living the high life, without working hard for it. Splashing out on lavish holidays and treating family. In reality none of this ever happened, because even when I won, I put it all back in and more. In recovery I realise there is NOTHING to gain from gambling, only a bottomless pit of despair, self destruction, and low self-esteem.

Do you believe it is a certain type of personality or trait of an individual that may influence their gambling addiction?
Addiction affects people from all walks of life. It's indiscriminate. There are however a number of personality traits that I have come to learn within myself by working the steps that I became very selfish, self-centred, wallowed in self-pity, poor me!. By working the steps, I'm not only identifying these traits, but also working on removing them from my life, which is a continual process. Every day, I work on my recovery, to make sure I don't find myself back feeding hard earned money into those machines.
One day at a time.  My last bet was 15/03/2016 and I hope and pray each day that it stays that way.
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#3
Wow Congratulations on your powerful and moving story.

I would hope to be able to use some of your quotes, when writing my piece?

This has definitely given me more insight and knowledge into gambling addiction.

If you would have time to answer the following questions it would be greatly appreciated.

Did you know you had a problem after the first few months of your gambling? Or did it take you a while to figure it out?

In your experience did you want to stop?

Why after you have admitted, acknowledged and dealing with the problem, do you believe people relapse in their gambling habits? Do you have any thoughts on this?

Do you believe that people are able to gamble responsibly when they have had an addiction to gambling?

Thank You Simmo
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#4
(09-12-2017, 11:59 AM)Layla4616 Wrote: Hello Fellow GA Users

Thank you for Taking the Time To Read My Story. I Am Writing this In An Honest Account Of Someone Who Has Experienced Gambling Addiction from the other side of the coin
If I Offend Anyone I apologise, as I Would like you to Read My Story with an Open Mind and No Judgement.

My Hatred of Gambling Started in my Teens. My Mother who was My Hero, Who I Assumed was a Perfect Person.
Broke down to me on our own one evening, that she was in a Huge amount of debt to Online Poker and Roulette Websites.

That Day Changed my Life, The desperation and shame on her face will be something that is imprinted on my Brain Forever.
I supported her out financially and emotionally, She Begged me not to Tell Dad and I Kept my Word. 

This person who had always been perfect to me, I began to lose respect for, continually nagging and badgering her to stop and get help. Of course for a while she still continued to gamble. All the while still hating herself.

Unfortunately I no longer looked at her in the admiring way I used to, I saw her as weak and Foolish. My mother is a strong person, It was and still is a total shock that she could let this control her.
She Eventually admitted she was 'bored' with her life and it was something that she had no control over. She still gambles to this day. Not as excessively, however I must ask myself. Will she ever be able to go cold Turkey?

Fast-forward a few years later. I went to Vegas, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about (Call This Poetic Research) 
I must admit they're was a certain Buzz that came with the gamble. You thought to myself after a win. If I put another $xx in, I will win. Its almost an itch. However I ended up blowing it all, and never gambled since. I suppose I wanted to experience the emotions my mother went through and wow what a rollercoaster they were.
(Excitement, euphoria, shame, regret, even disgust)

In my Mid Twenties, I met an amazing charismatic man, We fell in Love Instantly. I told him about my past. He told me he placed bets on Football, I was fine with this as he reassured me it was something he was in control of.
He also opened up about his Dad having a very severe Gambling addiction to Football & Horse Betting. So I assumed because of the experience with my mother, and the pain he had suffered with his absent father, He would have the same attitude and be in control of his hobbie.

Over the years, I noticed changes in him he would run out of Money. He would be constantly checking football scores and becoming obsessed, our Saturdays became fixed around watching soccer Saturdays.

He began to become withdrawn and secretive, I never saw any signs with my mother. However call it sixth sense if you will.
I confronted him and asked to see his bank statements. My Heart sank as I read £xx skybet, £xx Betfred on average he was spending £xx - £xx a week on betting.

I remember him declaring 'Well I win more than I lose' 

I tried to help and support him, all the while blaming myself. I tried to Limit his betting, ask him to get a councillor. Take away his bank card.
I tried to help by planning day trips, giving him other activities and hobbies to focus on.

However this just made him more sly and sneaky. A week before Christmas he had no money in his bank and had to borrow a tenner from his mum for some shopping. Yet he still continued.

I had to call it a day for my own sanity. 

I will be honest, I lost respect for him, I wondered if the man I fell in love with all those years ago was a character he portrayed to me. Maybe a version of himself he wanted to be?

I now saw him as weak and had no sense of direction or purpose with his life
After reading others accounts I know it is an Illness, still I couldn't help resenting him for having no self control and not wanting a better life? He was such a closed book when it came to feeling and emotions and I always wonder if this played a factor in his Spiral?

A few years passed and we met again. It seemed he was in better spirits, he seemed more honest and admitted he gambled still a little but hadn't done it for a while.
We got back together. My only condition was if he gambled again I would end the relationship. His gambling has a big impact on my mental health and I couldn't put myself through what I had been through years previous with him.

The first few months were amazing (portrayed character?).
However I got ill and I suppose we were having a rough patch. I caught him gambling again and unfortunately I caught him out again. Maybe this was a trigger. But it seemed more of a pattern than a trigger.

I remember being sat in a bus station crying hysterically through my sun glasses with the words I'm sure most GA Effectors can relate to... 'How could he do this to me again?'

When I have reflected on our journey. I noticed after a few months not just in our relationship but in any he has ever had, he was never Happy. He was always up and down with his moods, and would almost always be chasing something else either 'women, drugs or gambling'
Is they're any gamblers similar to this that can explain this?

I also found it strange that knowing how his Dad was and, how he would moan about his friends who had no control  over their gambling. He still continued.

I believe his biggest problem was to not open up about his habit. I was really the only one who knew and still am I guess. He sugar-coats it to everyone else.
If he would have let people help and support him. I believe he may have had a fighting chance at combating this for good.

As a partner of an addict. The lies, Dishonesty and Lack Of self control, ultimately made me lose respect and to be honest I stopped loving him. 

I went through a phase the first time we parted ways, of blaming myself.
That I was the reason he was bored with his life. Was there More I could have done? Why wasn't he Happy?

I now intend to write a piece and promote awareness of the dangers of gambling. I am interested on hearing, all views as honest as possible.

However I have a few questions to put to GA Users, If you feel you have the strength to contribute Please do.

What are the emotions you feel when placing a bet/Losing and Winning?

Do you have triggers? 

Have you always been quite impulsive as a person? 

Do you get this 'bored' feeling? If so could you elaborate?

What is it ultimately you hope to gain with Gambling?

Do you believe it is a certain type of personality or trait of an individual that may influence their gambling addiction?

Please answer an honestly as possibly I can assure you they're is no judgement here. Please feel free to share your stories honestly as I have mine. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I have been as honest as I possibly can be and again apologise if I have caused offense, I can assure you this is not my intention.
My triggers are mainly alcohol related, a few pints and I was able to pick winning horses just by looking at the TV.  Also feeling the despair that I needed more money.
I am a very impulsive and curious person.  I love shopping and getting a bargain.  I think by studying form I can work out a system to 'beat the bookie' but it doesn't work for long.
The 'bored' feeling I get every day if I don't keep myself busy.  An idle mind.  I started to think, right I need to win money. I say to myself right lets see what teams are playing today and I launch into a dream world were I can pick the winner of a game by looking at previous match results they have played, who is the 'form' team, their position in the league etc.  Pure fantasy, it doesn't work, but such an adrenaline rush that I get thinking I'm going to be a winner.  Sometimes I did actually win, but funny enough I always said "Why didn't I put more money on that bet?  I knew it was going to win".  I was never happy no matter how much I won.  
My ultimate gain was to be debt free and have 'loadsa' money.
I see a common denominator between gambling addicts that I know.  It is the desire to get easy money that you don't have to work for.  But is this a trait?
Loved your story.  This is my 2nd day without gambling.  I have opened up to my wife and it has caused her great distress.  We are a work in progress at the mo.  I was close to losing my wife, family, home the lot.  Thankfully I can see my errors I just need to get help to not fall into this trap again.  I have read on this forum other peoples stories and they are all quiet similar in many ways.  I have been gambling for 37 years, almost weekly.  I have saved money for months by not gambling, then away I go, trying to 'double' the amount I have saved, only to end up with nothing.  Indeed most times I ended up in debt.  To that end I will try every day to be gamble free and to stop lying to myself and my wife I am going to get her to look after my finances.  I feel this can be a great tool to help me.  I will be attending my first GA meeting tomorrow night.  I will take it one day at a time, so here's hoping.

It's good to talk.
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#5
Hello. I'm totally new to the site having just read your post I can clearly see why you become so frustrated angry and understand the emotion you feel/felt towards your partner.

I'm sort of a problem gambler. 20 years ago ish I started on fruit machines used to pop in on way home from work occasionally this escalated and I was in usually on pay day of spend as much as I could draw out of the bank. This continued for some time until it had an affect on not being able to pay the bills.
I came clean to my then partner and attended Ga for about 6 months and never gambled again.
I believe my motivation for it as purely about playing the machine and something to do. it was good when I won but it always went back in.
Over the years I put the odd pound or two in machine but never found the urge to continue.
Fast forward 20 years. In a position where life is absolutely rubbish Following medically retirement early at 43 years old I became hooked on medical painkillers prescribed by my gp. Ended up with a bout of psychosis which lasted a couple of months. Felt completely isolated and alone. But then got with my present partner who I've know for 25 years in a great relationship and getting married.
But my own self esteem and self worth is still really low. Not able to find work due to the retirement and subsequent psychosis felt really low for a couple of years but kept it too myself.
Had a great amount of money in the bank due to compensation.
A friend had used an online gambling site playing slots and had won x and told me about it.
I though if give it a go. Won a bit quite a good amount actually but only small stakes. and lost some playing felt great due to the escape.
Had a break then went back on. I calculated the odds and decided as I had plenty I'm the bank of up the stake. Wow couldn't believe the wins some huge. But the escape from reality was the best part.
Sadly I continued until just before Christmas 2017 winning big but still playing to escape.
Lost it all.
Haven't told my partner yet. She didn't actually know how much money I had but knew I had a lot.
During this time I bought her house and we got engaged due to Get married in 3 weeks. But still have not told her I'm now broke. Apart from my small pension.
Had to break the news as supposed to be booking honeymoon but don't have the money to do it.
I've not gambled now since before Christmas although I have access to money. And also know I don't have any intention of doing so. But then again I said it 20 years ago and went back to it.
I have only told one person my best mate who's been great and supportive .
But have not gathered the courage to tell my partner yet.
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