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Losing friends...
Today I have reached 100 days gamble free, for most of it I have coped very well, in truth I haven't thought about gambling. The last three weeks have provided more of a challenge, work commitments have restricted me from attending GA meetings and the voice in my head has regularly repeated that I'm in control, three months plus gamble free, I'm no addict, there's no problem. I can control my gambling. I realise that my compulsion is strongest when I want to escape from life, I guess that's what gambling was for me an escape.
Today I will not gamble
Micky (100 days)
A while since my last post, but I remain gamble free (day 135) I believe it was at a similar stage that I lapsed a couple of years ago, I somehow convinced myself that 4months abstinence suggested that gambling wasn't a problem and that I could control it....I won't be so dismissive and arrogant again. I recall that I won that day, it's almost contrived to lure you back in, and I was. My first ever gamble was as a sixteen year old, I worked in a newsagent and the manager had a friend who occasionally got some "inside information" from a racehorse trainer. I was asked if I wanted to invest and not wanting to be left out said yes I asked to bet each way and when I was asked for twice the stake (I had no idea how it worked) I realised I'd wagered more than my day's pay....the horse won and I was hooked. I often wonder if my life would have taken a different route had it been beaten, but suffering losses and continue my gambling indicates it probably wouldn't.
I am aware that I must be mindful of temptation and that by not gambling I win every day.
Just for today I won't gamble.
Why step one is for me the hardest step...although i accept many interestingly see it as the easiest....
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...


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