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My daily diary
#81
Regardless of your reasons its good to see you posting again on the GA site...

Keep positive and honest...

Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...

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#82
Adam9999

Welcome back on board.

I am looking forward to reading your diary on a regular basis.

All the best with your journey and recovery going forward.

In Unity
Martin
My name is Martin, I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was 29.9.2017. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
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#83
Thanks Guys, really good to be back. Just feel my thoughts recently became very clouded with discussions on the Gamcare website and the best way forward was to accept that this was the wrong place for me given my GA beliefs.

Great day yesterday, it's funny how a usual Saturday 12months ago would have been sitting in front of a paper in the morning with a few hours in town (need I say more), then 4hours in front of the TV, more often than not sat for a few hours on the night living with regret and thinking of what could have been. My life is so much different now, a few hours with the kids in the morning, music and athletics followed by gym, lunch at mum and dad's as a family unit, a few board games and then home for tea. Other than the odd game of snooker, for the art of the sport, I haven't watched any sport for 214days now. Believe me it's not that bad being oblivious to a sporting world, on most occasions now reinvesting the time with family and friends.
Still suffering badly with mental health and motivation at times is really low, I know that at some stage I need to tackle the garden but it just looks too much for me, CBT have advised that I need to break it down into different parts and not try to undertake in full, but with my mindset very difficult to start even the most simplest of jobs. I'm going to set myself a target to get out their tomorrow for half a hour, weather permitting, and build up by undertaking a bit each day, who knows by the end of the week I may have done 50%.
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#84
217days.
Last 3days haven't been too good mentally. Just feels like a dark cloud is circling me, no gambling urges but mood has been very low and recent media news in respect of suicidal thoughts praying on me. Over last few days can understand why people consider they're better off not here. I can't understand why I'm feeling this way as nothings instigated it, home life's not that bad, maybe severe depression having an effect alongside, maybe a number of news stories bringing it to the forefront of my mind?
Went to GA last night, spent sometime with new members alongside a mature member in terms of years under his belt. It was a pleasure being in this environment as it was clear to me how good this guy really is in respect of vocabulary and advice.
CBT today, and will be open in respect of way I'm feeling. Already spoke to my Dad to advise him of dark mood, got a feeling he'll call in later today, maybe try to motivate me into getting outside and do a little gardening with him.
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#85
Hey Adam

Addiction can be so much more complicated than just placing a bet or not which is why recovery for me tends to be multi tooled....

Good to hear you are still attending GA meetings, counselling etc and these things can help, but depending on our levels of addiction, the illness doesn't necessarily just disappear...

Keep up the positives and maybe think what else you can add to your toolkit...but whilst you are doing that, be kind to yourself Adam... We alll need a hug sometimes and the ones we give to ourselves can be the most important...

JFT Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...

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#86
228days.

A good week with no thoughts of gambling. Began a bit of gardening over the last 5days, trouble motivating myself at times as a result of deep depression, however although not what you could call impressive pleased with what I achieved.
Aiming to do a bit more tomorrow, maybe a hour and half of ground clearance. Hopefully not a wet day.
Still struggling with junk food, seems to have replaced gambling however trying hard to control it.
Will try to update my diary few times per week moving forward.
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#87
Thanks for the reminder Adam that addiction tends to be so much more than not placing a bet....for me its an honesty program....

keep sharing....
jft Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...

Reply
#88
237days.
Just back from tonight's meeting. A good 20 minute drive home allows you to think over the nights discussions. Realised that I need to move forward, try to improve both mentally and physically as well around family relationships and responsibility. First action tomorrow will be to make a list of where i'd like to see myself in a years time, and set achievable goals and targets. I've decided that the list will be for myself alone and success will be driven by how others see me.
Tackling procrastination, escaping from internet based apps (much time wasted) will be one of my initial targets. Will support this by undertaking at least 30minutes of reading each day and building in a healthy daily weight loss program.
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