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Utter devastation
As a partner of a gambling addict who has recently  relapsed after around 1 year in recovery I can honestly say my life has crumbled around me. Since 17 all I have ever worked for and wanted was to have a place of my own and move out of a dysfunctional family home. I worked hard and acted like I never had money , constantly ploughing it into savings and dreaming with my partner that the sacrifices would pay off when we owned our own home. 13 years later I was still a prisoner in my bedroom at my parents' house. After the first admission of being an addict I did nothing but support my partner and trusted him with every fibre of my being. After countless sums of money transferred at the drop of a hat to cover "training at work" "an unpaid overdraft" and many more, my savings wet depleting quickly. However, I didn't care much as we finally made it to a place of our own. Rented, not mortgage like I had my heart set on, but to me I was on top of the world. Finally I had what I'd dreamed of and nobody could take that elation away. That was until I discovered money missing from my savings. Transfered to my partners name the evidence was plain to see. I pleaded with the banks and begged them tk tell me they had made a mistake, there was no chance the most important person in my life,, my protector, could be capable of such a thing. A week of denial and defensive slur went by and eventually he was able to admit his vile act. "that's it now, I feel like a weight has been lifted but I can't handle how I've hurt you". Roll on two days later for the next installment of admissions. "gambling is back " right there, right then my world collapsed. "I've gambled my entire wage in a day". No money for rent, bills, food- don't worry I'll sort that... Again. Ever the safety net, my priority was to try and empower my partner to fix his problems. I tried to fix them for him as if always done but I soon realised I can't fix him. A few days later I noticed another £xxx in installments that had been stolen from me by him. Again, the ever familiar--denial, defense, admission. How many more hits can I take? I'm already on the floor. My heart is breaking worse than I ever knew was possible. Today I moved back to my mum and dad's house. Everything od dreamed of,, everything of worked for, the best things in my life-my beautiful home and my partner - gone. I'm now being ignored by my partner who is no doubt feeling I've deserted him. I've stated I will support him through his recovery but from a distance. This is what I need to do for me. I matter. I don't deserve this. If anyone has anything at all, any glimmer of anything I can possibly take from this please, I'm desperate and I'm falling to pieces.
Pet, that's so sad to hear and you have taken me back to how it must have been for my wife, now ex wife.
As a gambler in recovery I can tell you that you are doing the right thing, which is looking after yourself. The gambler has to do his recovery for himself and you look after yourself. Make sure you have changed your bank details so he cannot get hold of any more money. If he's still gambling he will make every excuse possible to get more money but it will only go on gambling. I admire you wanting to help him but only he can really help himself.
There is hope for you though, please believe that. If you want to stay together and he can get help, ideally through gamblers anonymous, I have seen people turn their life's around and couples make marriage work.
If you want a fresh start, I can also tell you that there is hope for you. My ex wife finally gave up on me and started looking after herself as I kept on going back to gambling. She is now happily married so don't give up. If you need any advice or have any questions please just ask.

I would say some tough love may be in order, my partner was gonna leave me for real, that's when that gave me a sharp shock of reality that I needed to finally go to Gamblers Anonymous and get some meaningful help.

She did end up staying in the end, but I have stopped gambling and had a complete over haul of my mindset about life in general.

I would say to you, if there is no genuine desire or a willingness from him to stop his gambling and get help, I would consider moving on. The worlds your oyster and you are the master of your own destiny, everyone has the right to be happy.

All the best
My name is Martin, I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was 29.9.2017. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I'd 3rd what Chris b and Shoeboxhead have that he has to want stop stop AND has to be willing to show you this on a daily basis...

Recovery from this illness isn't always about perfection, but there does need to be an understanding of the program of recovery and if you can't see this then i really feel for you...

Keep sharing and there is help out there for you too....check out Gam-anon, the family and friends support....

Smartie xx
Meetings help, but meetings are only a small part to how GA works....

GA is a 12 step organisation that offers the program that keeps me in recovery...


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