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Breaking Pattern
Day 84
(03-03-2019, 07:38 AM)Furious Wrote: Day 84

Hello Furious   Is that Day 84 of abstinence or of recovery? Big difference in the two. Abstinence comes from simply not gambling while recovery is derived from attending Gamblers Anonymous meetings and working the 12 steps with a sponsor and developing a better way of life. You can do abstinence without recovery but you can't do recovery without abstinence. Do hope that your efforts are geared towards recovery and not just abstinence. The Gamblers Anonymous Program offers so much. You just have to grab hold. Wish you the best.
Day 85

I get really bored during the day. Even if I sleep well, pray, work out. I still have problems with my past and my family and relationships. I can't forgive or move on. I feel trapped and unfree. I want to put on a bet.

But for 85 days I haven't done that.
Day 85 abstaining from placing a bet

I have been through twelve steps before

I have already explained my position on groups

I am willing and ready to have had a sponsor and support, it is due to lack of ability
Day 86
Day 87 starting
Day 87

I feel other vices increase when abstaining

It is like I want to be perfect but the pressure is too much

I get confused because I can't permanently decide

Like, in theory to not be addicted means to be able to do something responsibly and quit

At least that is one definition

I don't feel I am in control

I want 90 days to be up because I am bored and have cravings

Also the pain and other addiction increases

Although 90 days is an achievement I still feel I am a piece of shit and haven't healed

That I am not well and no one can help me

That is a raw deep personal truth no one is real enough to recognise

It is a dark one I do not want to be true
Day 88 starting

This is due to starting recording around 9pm in the evening time

So I have three days

Into the first

I think gambling was mainly just a distraction

I did try to make it a career and a hobby

But mainly I would say it was to distract from pain
Day 88

Day 89 starting

I played some play money poker and watched some

I don't feel it counts as actual gambling but it was a way to cure boredom

However I have not got the same love for the game

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