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Getting motivated in healthy ways towards recovery and healing
#1
Hi

On arriving in the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized, I was burying and suppressing my feelings and my emotions.

Being in the recovery program I would recognize that my motivations were not healthy.

I would procrastinate and avoid doing things I did not feel comfortable with.

My motivations before the beginning of my recovery were anger reluctance resentments and were very unhealthy.

I would learn that by doing things in unhealthy ways I was getting no benefit from doing things.

There is an implication that pride is unhealthy, sadly I did not even know what pride felt like.

In time I would write down my needs my wants and even start to talk about goals.

The truth was I did not value myself or other people, I use to think that if I got some thing for nothing I would feel successful.

Today I understand that being successful is a consequence of my healthy actions and my healthy words.

Today I understand that my pride is a consequence of my healthy actions and my healthy words towards myself and other people.

I am a non religious person and questioned if I could be successful in my recovery if I did not have any kind belief system in my life.

There was a time I was going to church but people who took me were very unhealthy hypocrites who would say one thing spiritual and yet would do some very painful things unhealthy things to me and cause me to live in fears.

The more time I put in to my recovery the more motivated I got in healthy ways.

My pains would heal, my fears would reduce, my trust would grow, my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations would reduce.

My healthy interactions to people life and situations would grow, my fears of emotional intimacy would reduce, the relationship with myself would improve.

Today I am more self sufficient, today I am more patient and tolerant with myself, today I am more patient and tolerant with all other people.

Today I am more willing to ask for help, today I am more caring and loving towards myself.

In order to respect other people I needed to respect myself.

In order to love other people I needed to love myself.

I use to be like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster, the faster and faster I got I lost all focus on things that were valuable to me.

Money was the fuel for my addiction, money was the fuel for me to escape people life and situations.

You take away the money and not heal the hurt inner child I would find other ways of escaping people life and situations.

The addictions and obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Only when I got honest with myself, was I unhealthy, was I causing myself pains, was I living in fear all of the time.

What it healthy to be angry all of the time.

What it healthy to work very hard for my money then give it all away to complete strangers while I and my family went with out.

What it healthy to lie, what it healthy to lie to myself, what it healthy to live in denial, I am fine, I am not that bad, etc.

Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand, dd I enjoy living in fear.

It is not possible to change the past.

Serenity helps me understand no one could stop me gambling, that had to be my choice, facing just one day only.

How much time and energy am I willing to invest in to my healing and my recovery today.

How much am I willing to value myself just for today only.

The most important day of my life is today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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