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Expressions used numbing out, the buzz, dysfunctional, stressing out.
#1
Hi

Expressions used in my recovery numbing out I was not allowing myself to heal I was burying my feelings and emotions.

Expressions used in my recovery was the buzz, the feelings of risk taking, living on my fears, yet not only just the addictions.

Expressions used in my recovery was dysfunctional, I was unable to interact in healthy ways and over come my fears of emotional intimacy.

Expressions used in my recovery was stressing out, I use to blame people life and situations to my unhealthy reactions.

Expressions used in my recovery was my emotional triggers, to my pains not healed, to my fears not faced, to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Expressions used in my recovery was my high and lows, I use to think and feel that the adrenaline rush was happiness.

Expressions used in my recovery was escaping, escaping responsibility, escaping being honest to myself, escaping emotional intimacy, escaping complimenting myself, escaping healthy interactions, escaping new people, escaping the postman, escaping facing myself, escaping loving myself.

Expressions used in my recovery was escaping in isolation, escaping being committed to myself, 

Expressions used in my recovery was escaping in isolation and loneliness, avoiding emotional intimacy, hiding behind my walls of fear I built to protect my hurt inner child.

I am for sure a non religious person, I use to think and feel that other people could get healed, other people could get successful, yet I did not feel that I could not feel successful because I had given up all faith and hope in myself.

Only once I admitted to myself that I was an equal, no matter when my last bet was, no matter how much I lied or stole, only once I admitted to myself that I was not evil bad right or wrong, I was simply emotional vulnerable, yet I use to hide how vulnerable I was, putting on my mask, putting on my facade.

Today is to to move on from my past, to learn from it yet not live in the past.

Today is about exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits, to be productive.

All the time I stick with my recovery I am getting more from my life,  I am getting out of myself, I am getting more focus and drive in my life today.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable long before my addictions and my obsessions.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.
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