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They didn't react like I thought
#1
This month I lost control and gambled £xx. I built a web of lies to cover up the losses, so much lying to people who truly love me.

This week I couldn't sleep or eat and kept being sick. It was because I was preparing to tell everyone. 

The money I lost was for our wedding and for buying the essentials for our unborn child. How sick am I? 

What disgusting person does that? 

I told everyone yesterday, i couldn't hold it in any more. I had packed my bags ready to leave the house and my pregnant fiance, I was ready to be fired from my job and live in my car. 

I was ready to accept that, something switched in my head and I just accepted what ever consequences and owned it. 

Fuck it was hard, panic attacks and constant crying. But i told my fiance and my parents and my boss. 

I had prepared for everything except them being supportive and understanding and helpful. That's what they did and I hadnt planned for that. 

Its been 2 weeks since I've gambled, but the last time I lost £xx and I'm worried that at any point I could do the same kind of damage. 

I have been to a GA meeting previously, but i thought I was better than the people there. I thought i was different. I thought i had the ability to overcome what they cohldnt. I was wrong. 

I'm going to attend every meeting i can. 

I've completely broken down this weekend, pride and ego no longer exist in me, they are barriers to my recovery. 

2 weeks so far, a life time ahead of me.

Josh.
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