There's no going back.

[Happydays2211]

For as long as I can remember, whenever anything negative happenes in my life, I escape by gambling. I'm not a psychologist, but I'd presume it's my way of escaping. 
I hate myself for lying to my family about where my money has gone , but admitting the truth, that I have a real gambling problem, is too embarrassing. I then rely on them to help me out, knowing, yet another excuse as to why I've no money passes my lips. 
I'm kind and would do anything for anyone. I would give people my last penny, but when it comes to looking after my own welfare, it goes out of the window. 
Gambling has been my achilles heel for far too long. It can make me temporarily happy, if I win, but it mostly makes me sad, anxious, stressed and embarrassed. 
Today is the first day I have openly admitted it and I hope this will be the first step towards my recovery because again I've been paid and once again, lost it all. Its soul destroying and I know I'm hurting the people I love more than anything, which is even worse. 
I've asked myself many times, why? Did it stem from being dropped off in the arcades as a child whilst my parents went drinking?! It may have started there but as an adult and 45 years later, I should know better. 
I have stopped many times before, but as soon as something happens in my life, I'm back gambling with a vengeance. 
You only get one chance of life and I need to start grasping it with both hands and rid myself of this addiction, which is destroying my chance of happiness.

[smartie]

Welcome Happydays

Yeah remember many telling me just not to gamble and think logically. Sure sounds easy doesn't it?

Problem is this illness isn't always logical and it can be deceptive and cunning.

for some (and i include myself in this) understanding of this addiction can take a long time which is why we say recovery is like a marathon rather than a sprint.

Hope you can find yourself to a local meeting as soon as they start opening?

Any questions, ask....

Smartie xx

[Happydays2211]

Thank you for your response. I will be attending a meeting once they commence. I realise that, I am not going to be able to overcome this by self will alone.
You're so correct in saying this illness is cunning and deceptive. Just when you think you can stop, it worms its way back in your life.
I know people who aren't suffering from this illness, would find it difficult to understand why anyone would spend their money in this way. So I'm extremely grateful to be able to communicate with people who do.

[Chris_b]

Hello Happydays.
I wouldn't worry about the reason why you gamble, just that you want to stop.
It's also not about knowing better. You have an addiction which is greater than your willpower. It might have started as a child or even in later life. Mine started as a child but it could have hapened anytime. I do believe that I was predisposed to have this and that's it. There is a little more to it than that but I wouldn't worry about it for now, that's a discussion in a few months time. Lets just get you some time away from a bet and get a clear head and a bit of self respect back.
How I did that was to go to my local GA meeting. I know they aren't all open yet but they will be soon once the guidance is in place at a local level.
You'll meet people like you that you can identify with and start to believe that if they can do it, so can you.
You can start with some practical steps. Give your money over to someone else to stop access. Not control, just access when the urge kicks in.
You could sign up to Gamstop if you gamble online. It's a really good tool for taking away that instant urge.
If you gamble in the bookmakers, google MOSES and that will help you self-exclude from local bookmakers.

Please ask if you have any questions about anything.

All the best,
Chris.