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Credit cards

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my frustrations  were 10 out of 10.

It took me very along time to hand over my credit cards and only carry small amounts of money on my person.

When I did hand over money and finances I felt like I was a small child being punished.

I also felt that handing over my finances was handing over control of my life to another person.

Today I understand that it was a very healthy mature thing to do.

The money was only the fuel for my addiction.

Not having money did not stop me gambling on its own.

I was encouraged to go to meetings.

I felt that when people talked about religion and God I felt threatened.

Yet the people who took the recovery program seriously were finding peace serenity and were exchanging slowly unhealthy habits in to unhealthy habits. 

The people who truly wanted recovery gave up telling very sad war stories.

They gave more and more depth in talking about their feelings and emotions, they were less and less angry, they did lists of their needs wants and their goals.

They were focused on getting things done in healthy ways.

Healing the pains of my hurt inner child took time. 

Instead of escaping and deviating my feelings and my emotions I was not only acknowledging them but was dealing with them in much healthier ways.

Understanding my emotional triggers I would process things in a much healthier way.

Gambling and money was not going to make things better in  my life.

Once I took my recovery seriously my life got so much healthier.

I have been in the recovery program over 52 years.

I have been clean from gambling for 26 years. 

Since before August 1992.

Now I understand that abstaining on its own was not enough for me.

Yet I needed to abstain from my addictions and obsessions before I could start the healing process of my inner childs pains.

Working hard and being been in the recovery program I would find ways to heal my pains, I would find ways to reduce my fears, I would find ways to not get frustrated and reduce my hard unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I would find ways of having intimacy with people who were healthy, I would find ways of reducing my boredom by becoming more productive in my life.

I do not blame the gambling establishments for me gambling, it was some thing I did which was very unhealthy way of escaping.

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my fears were 10 out of 10.

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my pains were 10 out of 10.

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my frustrations  were 10 out of 10.

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my fears of emotional intimacy were 10 out of 10.

Back in 1969 walking in to the recovery program my feelings of boredom were 10 out of 10.

Today those feelings are less than 3 out of 10.

The world did not change for me.

The recovery program did not change me, the recovery program helped me help myself.

Love peace and serenity to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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