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trying to stay clean
My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler.I have managed 4 days clean again this week since my slip on saturday,but definately in the grips of the disease big time,because every day this week ive been tempted to gamble.It doesnt help me when I watch the racing as see all the happy and glamorous faces along with the gorgeous Women and that makes me envious,and angry as well as sick because I cant be part of it or have the happiness they have.Also the fact that Im not busy and cant find the motivation to do much doesnt help and I still havent attended a meeting,because I just cant face it,as ive failed yet again to stay clean.Im dreading the summer again as usual will be spent alll alone and in solitary confinement with myself,and probably half the reason why ive gone mad really.Today is another day and I will try not to gamble but it also makes me sweat if I think any further than today as the future looks so black.Andy.
Hi Andy

We all know of the black hole.
Don't feel so down on yourself. This is a horrific addiction. It can be beaten!

Attending my first GA meeting was probably the first time that I truly realised
that I wasn't alone. Other people share this addiction with me. There is nothing special about them.
They are normal everyday people who have /or are learning to live with this addiction.

I would sincerely suggest that you do attend GA meetings. You do not have to say anything. Just by listening and observing, I am sure you will get something out of the meetings.

Best wishes
My name is Andy and I'm a compulsive gambler.I have managed to stay clean for 7 days now,but I have been crawling the walls all this week,fighting to not have a bet.The disease has really got me this week and watching the racing out of boredom doesn't help my cause.I even sneaked in to a bookies last night for an hour cos I was so bored,but didn't have a bet as I'm banned from that bookie,but hid in a corner of the shop,dying to have a bet.
Today is a dangerous time because again I am so bored,not really knowing what to do,but feeling like a bet is definitely at the front of my mind.It's overwhelming and I don't think I will make it through this day clean,Andy.
I'm Andy, a compulsive gambler and I'm so bored it's untrue. I cant get my mind to focus on anything else apart from gambling.It's Sunday 16th May and I'm crawling the walls with boredom,and desperately trying to fight my body not to go into a bookies today,but the disease is stronger than me,and no matter what I do today,its all coming back to gambling.I've already kept myself busy this morning, with 2 hours of gym,but that doesn't excite me or give me anything. I've got many boring,mundane,house chores I can do,but nothing,just nothing gives me any motivation or pleasure so my mind is just constantly in the gambling mode.If I make it through this day without a bet,it will be a miracle,as it is so much in my face.Andy.
Hi Andy

Boredom is something that is an enemy of the CG.
After starting my GA meetings, I tried to keep myself busy. I am divorced, so I have the normal house chores to do, as everyone does. I soon realised however, that even though I may have been busy, I was still having thoughts of gambling. I really didn't want to clean the bathroom etc, so my mind would wander.

My solution was a little bit drastic. I didn't clean the house at all for over a month. It didn't worry me, and I certainly didn't have to worry about anyone else living in my pigsty.
During this time I did what I wanted to do...No gambling. But I read books for hours at a time, I rode my bicycle for miles, walked the dog, gardening etc.... In short I was rediscovering the things that I enjoy doing. These things that entertain me.

As you have discovered, having nothing to look forward to, is depressing. You can overcome this.

The method I used may not work for you, especially if your a very clean, tidy person. But you could use the same basic principle. If what you are doing is not entertaining, find something else to do.

Generally speaking, if you are genuinely being entertained, your mind will not wander.
This was my solution. I found that, I had less thoughts of the gambling, because my mind was preoccupied all the time.

PS. My house is a bit cleaner now... <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: -->

Best Wishes
Ive gone and done it again.Monday 17th May 2010.Ive been heavily gambling all day,went in the bookies from 12pm until they had bled me dry at 4pm.Lost every single penny I had,again.Lost an absolute fortune,thousands that will now take me another year to pay back,if I dont gamble in that time.Highly unlikely.
I have been down this road on over 200 times in the last 20 years.I knew exactly what the outcome would be,but still did it.Now Im lying here,with my legs buckled,my chest hurts from stress,hopefully I will not wake up in the morning and the nightmare of this so called life will be over.The bookies wont get any more from me then,it will be the next victim.I havent got any fight left in me to even attend a meeting,because what is the point,I will never beat the disease,Im doomed until I die.The sooner the better.I am Andy a compulsive gambler and loser.
I have taken all the advice,you are all correct,I know.I cannot beat this disease alone,and right now I am right in the furious grips of this killer disease,that has just gone and killed more of what little of me there is left.The Vultures are hovering around as more of me has died after yet another massive gambling binge,that has plunged me further into debt and the deepest,darkest hole again.There is no way out again for me,I have maxed all credit cards out,again,bills are just banging the door down,Its already hard enough without gambling,but ive just about gone and put the final nail in my own coffin.I havent got any fight left,theyve finished me off,again.I have decided that I am going to try and end it all tonight.Ive been down this road too many times and dont deserve to suffer any more.Thanks for all everybodys help.Andy.
Ive took your info about doing the boring choires.I hate gardening,I hate cleaning my house even though Im quite tidy.Nobody ever sees it or visits me so why should I bother,these boring mundane choires give me no enjoyment or pleasure whatso ever.Neither does any single thing I do in life.I dont do any fun stuff and now that ive gone and gambled a whole 9 months mortgage payments in 1 afternoon in the stinking bookies,everything is even more pointless than it already was.Its a totally hopeless situation and my rage is indescribable.I went to a meeting last night,Im not sure why,because I will never be anything other than a complete LOSER.
Hi Andy

Are you there mate?

Talk to me. I can't help you unless you talk.

Money isn't the real problem. The problem is your gambling. We can fix that.
Once the gambling stops, the money problems become less & less.

Best wishes
Hi Andy

How was the GA meeting? I hope you will go to at least another 3 or 4 before you decide whether these meetings are worthwhile for you. The first meeting will most likely have seemed a bit strange. Give it a chance.

The more you gamble, the more money you lose, the worse you feel. <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad -->

May I suggest that you talk to a financial counsellor re your debt. There are free counselling sessions available in the UK. Find out exactly what your options are. There are avenues for you. Take advantage of them before you make it worse.

Okay, so you don't like gardening etc... On this point I have to agree with BigDave. Time to buck up. Explore other possibilities. The list is endless. You aren't the only person with simiar or worse problems.

I tried the suicide route. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was the wrong decision. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: -->
I know that now. Like most CG's I am in a mountain of debt, living week to week, but things are improving. <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
Your situation can improve too. Put a little bit of effort in. Don't give up on yourself!

Best wishes

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