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I am a waste of space

I have read some of these stories and there are so many similar issues that I recognise and I feel a complete and utter waste of space to be where I am today.

I am happily married with a young kiddy and have always worked hard plus have been lucky to have a decent job but over the last 25 years+ I have frittered away a ridiculous amount of money on gambling and its a nightmare.

My wife is aware I have had betting issues in the past and i have had to have consolidation loans so many times to get me out the mess the last time I confessed to her what had happened and she stood by me and tried to resolve but wanted me to get specialist help........

Oh no I can do it my way I thought "I will just stop i dont want to lose you" well it worked for a while i got straight - and then one day god knows why?? I ventured in again i am so bloody compulsive and addicted to it I hate myself...

Result I then start chasing the losses and debt trying to get straight and yet again I get myself into a right old mess.

So much of my life was good but I despair at what an idiot I have been...

I really do have the best intentions with my family but I screw it up each and every time and my wife and young girl just dont deserve this lot.

I look around at other families and they pay for holidays and nice cars out of savings yet over the years some of ours have been as a result of a horse winning, and others have been on credit due to the salary being wasted and again I am now chasing my tail.

Mortgage is way way higher than it should have been and i can pay it and my other dues but the pressure to not let the family down I feel is terrible.

Ive even looked at what I am worth dead and a few times I have seriously considered long and hard ways I could go through with it, thankfully a day or so later I snap out of it and think dont be stupid creating more problems for others.

Trouble is for a job in sales I have to talk to my clients openly and honestly but I fing ot so difficult to do it with my wife i just struggle even though she has never given me a moments hassle in my life - again its because of my failures.

One day I wish you could be just be magically cured of this addiction as my life and my families would be so much better.

I am looking to go to a GA very soon probably on Monday next week my nearest date to see if I can start curing my addiction properly once and for all as I cant continue like this thats for sure. I really dont want it to effect my family more than it already does by me not being able to look after them even better than I do.

I have a question though do partners ever go to GA as support or are they only the addicted gamblers in same boat as me??
hi, Don't delay go off to a GA meeting. Your compulsive gambling will never, ever go away on it's own. your wife may be able to attend the meeting with you, that will be up to the chairperson on the night. There is a meeting for partners/friends of a compulisve gambler call gamanon and you may find this information on the home page of this web site.
You will be welcomed in the GA rooms where people exactly like you attend. This is a twelve step program and you should consider that it's also a for life program just a day at a time.
Best wishes
Hi the big fella

First issue... suicide is not the way out. I did attempt suicide,and after a lot of soul searching, I realised that all I was doing was hurting my family more than I already had. I would have left them with ahuge mess to clean up, plus they would have the added emotional loss.

The self loathing you talk about is something we all experienced. "I hate myself, why doI do it,how can I pay my bills,who can I borrow/steal from" etc... Sleepless nights, constant worry, all CG's have experienced that.

It took me about 6 to 9 months of "being clean" before I realised, that I did not loath myself anymore. I actually liked myself again. I hadn't felt like that for years (at least 5, maybe 8 years).
Being gamble free is the secret to improving your self worth/self esteem. It does take a while, but I guarantee it will happen. Some people take longer than others though.

Money is always a big issue initially. You have to try and understand that what you have lost is gone forever. You will never get it back. Certainly not by gambling anyway. Let it go. I know it will be hard, but if you are forever thinking about what you have lost, you might then think of an easy way of making a killing again. ie. gambling. Then the cycle will continue and you will be back here!

FYI, I have been gamble free for only 16 months, but in that time I have heard of only one case where someone has remained gamble free by "doing it alone". You will forever do yourself a disservice if you try to do it alone. You know as well as I do how hard it is to stop the urge from happening, and taking control over you.

Glad you will be going to a GA meeting. The 1st meeting will seem strange to you. I always recommend that you promise yourself you will go to at least 4 meetings before you make a judgement on GA. You will have a better understanding of the GA fellowship by then.

I am not sure what the situation is in the UK, but here in Australia some GA meetings are "open", meaning they are open to both the gambler and his/her relatives/friends. Phone GA and find out if this is the case in the UK, and if so, where is the nearest "open" meeting to you.

There is also a sister fellowship of GA. GAMANON is attended by relatives/friends of the compulsive gambler. This meeting is generally held at the same venue and the same time as the GA meeting, but in a different room. Your wife would gain a much better understanding of this addiction, and the hurdles both you & she will face as you attempt to overcome this addiction.

Finally, you aren't alone in this addiction. GA can help you. It won't be easy, but if you want to stop gambling it can be done. You must really WANT to stop however.

Best wishes

Thanks for your comments I really need to do this once and for all it needs addressing pronto.

I am fed up with all the deceit and having to try and think of ways to sort my self out.

Thanks again
hi all,

Well here is my update and its been a while!however it's all for the good I have to admit!

I last had a bet of any description on August 6th 2010 which I know is only approx 4 months without a punt as it were - but I feel considerably better as a direct result of no gambling.

I suppose the trouble was my mates or even wife could have a casual bet on the football, buy a lottery ticket, stick a few quid on the grand National or even play a few quid in the bandits - HOWEVER I COULDNT it went on and on it was relentless!

My "addiction" and its only now that I realise how severe it was with me as I was into horses, roulette machines, football betting the works - sometimes I never even watched it! Just calling it "having compulsive behaviour" doesn't do it justice.......

Numerous things had been on my mind prior to walking in to that first GA...

Firstly like others I had been concerned at what the reaction would be to my situation!

Yet as soon as walking in I was welcomed I had my one on one introduction within half an hour of going in and the people listened. They also admitted that I was not alone, but it was upto me to want to stop and I had to take control and steps could be put in place to make it easier for me.

I just wish I had gone in earlier many many years ago it would have saved me loads of hassle!

More importantly with GA I found out that it was not like a "cult" where they simply brainwash you.

It sounds daft but I really couldn't handle that kind of "help" as I know many many people and it stays just that its an odd flutter and it stays as enjoyment. (people are not all the same)

I also realise the flip side though is I cannot control gambling I was addicted to it - it used to control me "THATS FACT"

I simply could not do it half hearted like some people do when they win....

Over the years I had a number of "BIG WINs" and great we had some good blow outs, but losses were way way higher and much of that ends up on immediate credit and with that comes all the deceit, and lies and ultimate pain coming way further down the line etc.

As soon as the weekend came round or that game of live football was on that was the next fix and anything that got in the way was worked around.

Now things could not be clearer my money is controlled by the wife who is sorting this aspect out for me and I am paying my overspending back slowly and for once I actually have a bit of money in the bank just before pay day.

It's not all easy by any stretch when you first start going to GA

I gave up financial control and as much as it has it's benefits!!! It can also be very hard to enjoy as a grown man losing your independence can be awkward and embarrassing at times..

Once you stop betting you can find you have considerable time to fill in place of betting, so ensuring that you got things to do to keep your mind occupied helps fill the void.

You also don't wake up and never think of having a bet again, just because you been to a meeting!
I take it a day at a time and this I seem to be able to control, and then there is tomorrow to think about.

It does get easier and the odd high and many lows of gambling disappear leaving you initially with a more of an even lifestyle but gone are the days of despair of what you have done.

Where am I now?

Well I am in a far better place than I was just 4 months ago there is nothing hidden from the wife, I don't have to hide money or receipts all over the house so I can have a sneaky bet.

In time I/we will get straight financially ! and the future is far better with gambling out my life

Tonight I go to see a group of people from GA that are all ok and its a Xmas curry night, they ain't freaks they are just people fighting with an addiction in many cases as bad as what I had!

Good luck to anyone this helps

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