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im my own worst enemy
hi all

ive posted on here several times in the past about how i want to change and sadly cant manage it alone ive done the whole ban my accounts for a while then go back thinking this time lol i win big i have had bigish wins over the last 3-4 years ive been gambling but never enuff

i mostly play online bingo ,scratch cards etc its like i loose put more on then forever chasing losses thkning this time il re-coup well its got to the point now where im hundreds over my over draft and bank charges accumulating my hubby knows i gamble but at present he doesnt know how mad ive gone.. im always letting him down etc were meant to be moving in june and still are as his dads lending us the money but my wages will now go on overdraft charges etc i hate myself with a passion im a sad pathetic looser on all levels of life i often think why not just end it all and have done with it i dont think i can live with constant torture in my head all the time but i have 2 beautifull kids who deserve better, before i found gambling i was relitivily happy i just wish i could go back to those days its like im never gonna get better

part of me wants to blurt it all out to my hubby them tell him to take control of my finances but it means dissapointing him agian im really considering going to a ga meeting tonight

im 27 and dont wanan live with this misery anymore my dad suffers with mental healht issues bipolar/cyclothemia/border line schizophreina i cant help but think im gonna end up like him its like its already started

anywayz thanks for reading if u get to the bottom x
hi all

i just thought id reply to my own post with an update, ive told my hubby all about it showed him my bank account etc and have given him access to all my finances weve banned all the gambling sites by blocking the adresses he says u dont need software to do it u can do it yaself if u know how? anywayz there all blocked so i cant gamble so technically today is day 1 i know its gonna be hard but im looking forward to being free from this hold gambling has over me, and starting a new life in our new home

my hubby thinks its all to do with willpower and a case of saying no... i dont think he truely understands the grips it can have over u as if it was that easy none of us would be here now... right?? anywayz he said a mug is born every minute <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> and then asked wot im gonna say at ga meetings and if they ask why i gamble wots my answer?? i said lots of things contribute to wanting 2 do it

he never went mad i said do u still want me and he said yes ur still here arnt u lol so i guess thats good
i dont know where i found the strenght from to tell him but i did and now feel a bit better no one should carry this horible burden round with them so for all those who havent told anyone please do so.... u will feel better and ur loved ones will help u

good luck all xx
well done to you for telling him, that's really courageous. Good luck!
You are so lucky to have a loving husband and children.Good luck to you.I am in the same sinking ship,but unfortunately I am on my own and have nodody,therefore I dont find any reason to really give up gambling,although it has destroyed me and continues to destroy every single bone in my body,yet I cant stop.But its good youtalked about it and the GA meetings are the only way to help keep us from re-lapsing into gambling again.Take care,Andy
Hi Dreamcatcher

Well done for telling your husband.

Make sure that you do attend that GA meeting.

Why did I gamble? Best answer I can come up with is because I was bored. Whether that was the only reason... who knows?

Don't worry about why or what led you to gambling. You will probably never find the answer.
Is it relevant anyway?

The most important thing is to concentrate on yourself in the "hear and now", and what you are doing about beating this addiction.

Best wishes
i have to say you have a lot more bottle than myself by telling your husband. i just wish that i could tell the other half but don't want to let her down again well done <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
All i can say is we have NO power over our illnesses so dont gamble 1p as it will leed to 2p! get to a meeting aswell they really help and there are some great people the understand what your going through as they have already been through it

I have came to this. Hit rock bottom emotionally and financially. I used to laugh at people who come to these self help groups , rehab is for quitters and all that however 'it' as got me and 'it' pulled me right down however I cannot be to basis 'it' gave me some of the best moments in my life however I am to compulsive and I know how I gamble is not sustainable.

Just wanted it, the glory , ecasty, the fame . I do love to gamble and even now when I am in pieces and I have nothing .I am at that stage were I can not imagine my life without gambling however it will be the death of me i am still young , still hopefully.

Want to move on with my life,without it however I no it was be hard because it has been a part of my life for a long while .

Anyway. Enough about me. Keep the faith
Good on u for tellin him
it's the first step to admiting to u and others u have a problem,
u gamble cause like the rest of us u have an emotional illness..
Not u burst out in tears constantly but u feel low and depressed and u feel winning money and gambling will solve all problems but then within a short time(progressive illness) it becomes about jus doin it.. U put a tenner in
And win £500 any normal person would walk away..(any normal person prob woundnt be there in the first place)but like myself greed would set in and u want more and more.. I've been off for 6months now and life is not excellent cause I'm dealing with all the debt but I will say it's 10000 times better than it was..gambling has destroyed every relationship I've had there is only so much lying and decetefullness a partner can take. It made me realise after tgis one I've been in this circle of destruction for 7yrs and I'm only 26.. I nearly lost my house and have lost most of my friends. All I can to u is attend the meetings and start the 12 steps .. U have to start a journey somewhere so make it there.if u putthe work in u wil c
Hi my name is Dave and I am a compulsive Gambler.

For me recovery is a maturing process is also a healing process and a spiritual embracing program which occurred for me once I over come my fears and nervousness and able to learn to trust.
Hi Name is Dave and I am a compulsive gambler.

There is no doubt in my mind that I was my own worst enemy and you reach a point where you recognize that beating our self up never helped us in any way.

In a time in recovery I have heard and done it myself thinking I must be stupid dumb evil wrong mad etc

Often before going to gambling I would often say "Oh who cares any way" that had nothing to do about other people and everything to do about me not caring for myself.

In recovery I understood that I was not very caring about myself in so many ways and often said and did some very unhealthy things in my life long before my addictions and obsessions.

In time I was willing to become very selfish and do my recovery for me and no one else and not let anyone or anything get in the way of my recovery.

By me being more caring about myself I am able to be more caring towards other people as I learned to trust myself I was able to trust other people.

In my addiction I was very much on adrenaline high and thought that adrenaline rush and buzz was happiness and that life was slow and boring.

Every unhealthy habit I exchanged for a healthy habit demonstrated how much I valued myself and also showed that I cared about myself.

Every time I went towards addictions and obsessions I got weaker and weaker and did not like myself, recovery each day gives me an alternative path in my life.

I have the choice to interact with people and not react to unhealthy peoples actions around me.

Each one can have the choice to embrace spiritual interactions with other people and no longer hide in our pains and fears any more.

Love and peace to everyone

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