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NOTHING IS WORKING - Feels like death is the only way
I am a compulsive gambler. I know it. I also know that it is stupid. But I can't stop. I tell myself how stupid it is while I am driving, as I take money out of thr bank or ATM, as I am parking and walking into the place. But I can't stop. It contributed to the break up of my marriage. ( His getting another woman pregnant while married to me didn't help.)

I had therapy for about six months. I can't afford it now because I lost my job and I am in so deep that I may have to sell my house. I lost my job because Preggers lied to my boss ( her friend) and had me fired. Nothing to do with gambling.

My parents and sister moved in with me after they lost their home in a tornado - 6 years ago. They won't move. People think that is why my husband left but I begged hin to help me get them out of the house and he kept saying that he liked them here. Good cover for him. WOuldn't fel so guilty when he left me and the kids,
He wasn't ever very nice to me (hindsite 20/20 and all that.) After we split up, friends said "Why did you marry him anyway? "Why didn't you marry the nice boyfriend" and " you seem much more relaxed now. He treated you like a slave."

I say all of this because I learned in therapy that like a lot of women I use gambling to escape. Loud casinos with ringing noises and little moments of "hope" made me forget about my terrible marriage, that my father was ill. I now escape my mother and sister and the fact that I cannot find a job. for almost two years. ( We are in a profession where evryone knows everyone so it is hard to get in with the powerful telling them not to hire me.) I am not whining. I am saying that I have a lot to escape from but I can't do this anymore. There has to be a better way or this life has to end because it is too much daily anquish to have for another 40 years. . . And I am starting to see my sadness in my kids.

Those little moments of hope mean nothing as I crash and call myself an imbecile on my way home. I haven't slept through the night for at least two days in a row for more in 6 years. I am really at the end.

I don't own a gun and I have small kids and don't keep much poisonous around the house so if I do off myself, it will hev to be planned, well planned.

I can't go to meetings because NONE OF THIS is really anonymous ( they made us register to use THIS site, didn't they?) and we are all well known. It is not an option.

Last cry for help. Can anyone help me?
hiya csteak,my name is a compulsive really sorry to here your thing i do know is feeling you want to end it all is not the answer,i should have always something to lot forward to in this life,you have children and you sound a very intelligent person.remember its the addiction that makes you feel this way,the addiction is not you..i understand you dont want to go to meetings and respect your decision..please please get any help you can by phone lines or try ringing gamcare they are very supportive.i wish you every bit of success for the future.remeber life is worth living.the darkest moments can only make us stronger..take care and have a bet free future <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->
Find a women's shelter in your area, take your children with you and get some help. I don't know where you are located but there has to be help for you and your children.
Im in the same boat Im afraid,Ilay awake last night thinking of how I could end my existance as quickly and easily as possible after yet another fullon day of all out gambling and losing thousands,therefore getting myself into many thousands of pounds of debt again.Just cant see a way out or and end to it.If its any consolation your not the only 1.Andy
Your details will remain anonymous from this site. the registration is simply to stop the massive amount of spam. PS, you could always use a false name!
Hi csteak

I am a Compulsive Gambler. Suicide is not the way out of this mess.

I attempted suicide in January 2009. Failed miserably!
After a lot of soul searching I realised that it was not the right decision to make. Sure, I wouldn't be around, so my problems, my anguish would be over...But who would have to clean up the financial mess I had left behind? Not to mention the emotional problems the loss would have caused.. Your loved ones do not deserve that.

Free counselling sessions are avaliable in the UK. I will send you a private message re this.

Sleepless nights, self loathing, scared of hearing the postie....we have all been through that.
The solution is to stop gambling. I know it isn't easy, but that is the only solution.
GA can help with your gambling problem. You will meet fellow revovering gamblers who will be able to share with you their experiences on their road to recovery. They will aslo be able to offer you the help & support that you need. Their only qualification is that they are/were gamblers. As such, they have done the same as you (more or less), so they will be able to relate to the problems you are now/will be facing in the future.

Anonymity. When I walked into my first GA meeting I was anonymous. I have been attending for 16 months now and I am still anonymous. Yes my fellow GA members know my name, and have my phone number if they need to call me for help. But they are the only people who know that I am attending GA, apart from my family. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.
If you are really concerned, introduce yourself as "JANE" or "LUCY" etc.... The GA members do not care what name you give yourself....they are there to help themselves & others recover from this addiction.

Best wishes

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