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Hitting Rock Bottom

I am a compulsive gambler.

Its sad (but also a relief) to say, I have finally hit rock bottom (this morning). The recent phase (last four months) has been painful but (after losing more money to the extent that I cannot afford to lose any more) I now have to acknowledge my problem and draw a line so that I can salvage my life (and that of my family) as best as I can.

Gambling is a disease that consumes me. I derive no benefit from it. It starts off with greed - trying to make a little money that would not necessarily change my life. Before I know it, I have lost the initial money and then start gambling larger amounts in the hope of getting my money back.

I have gambled on/off over the last 12 years. Over the past couple of years (two major phases), it has become progressively worse. I never saw it as a disease and that it could impact me the way it has - I was wrong. Seriously wrong.

I always said to myself that I would not get into debt over gambling. The gambling started with savings. However, this was not the case and it very quickly spiralled out of control. After hitting rock bottom in the first phase, I had built up debts over my credit card. After hitting rock bottom in the second phase (the current situation), I have built up debts to the taxman as well.

Inbetween the two phases, I did attend GA and it helped. I did not attend as much as I should have. I thought I was strong enough to cope. I was wrong. I wish I had persevered with dialogue with GA. Going on this website, reading the stories, typing this post has made me realise that it is extremely hard (and also not healthy) to keep the disease to yourself and that communicating with other people who can relate to it is a strong medicine in helping to combat it. I did stop gambling (for a period) but then after a period of six months or so, picked it back up (concluding with the second phase).

Gambling is a disease that can impact anyone. To other people, I would appear to be intelligent and successful at in my job. I am married and have recently experienced the birth of my first child (this was a significant positive in my recent woes). THIS DOES NOT MATTER. Gambling can consume anyone. Very few people would suspect I gamble let alone the extent. On the outside, you would not suspect I was consumed by this disease.

Gambling progressively eats away at you - not only financially but emotionally as well. You are always praying for hope and that things will turn around for you - it rarely does and on the odd instance it does, I have only found it to be temporary. I should be helping my wife around the house more but feel physically drained due tothe constant thought of gambling.

I feel much better having made this posting. I hope I can turn my life around. I have so much to look forward - especially my wife and my baby daughter. I should focus my efforts on them (and also my own life) and not on gambling.

I am a compulsive gambler.
This is the first step to getting better. I know you will be fine - you seem determined and have realised how important your family is to you and how detrimental this disease has been to your life. The birth of your new baby will undoubtedly support you through this, as you look at her and realise how much love you have to give, and how your time and energy is being spent on something that is not worth a thing. Money lost, is just that, money lost, but time with your family will never be regained. I pray for you and your family wholeheartedly and hope that you will continue to commit yourself to gamblers anonymous and in your fight against this all consuming addiction. Good luck and I look forward to hearing about your progress. Sometimes it'll be hard, but look around you and you will realise that the difficulty is well worth it, you are surrounded by those who love you unconditionally. God bless you and your family! <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
The truth is mate, it's easy enough saying all this when you're broke. I do it all the time to friends and other people, you can complain, sulk, moan and say how you should be turning your life around when you've no money to gamble with because when you've no money it's the only thing you can think about (turning your life around). Everybody does it FACT.

The main challenge is when you get money to not gamble. Not even gamble a penny of it.. I got bailed out (as mentioned in my post 3 days ago) by family for the first time in 6 months i'm debt free and got a + balance in my bank. I've resisted the urges to gamble and I feel so much better about myself for it, in the past EVERY SINGLE TIME i've been at bookies for hours after work sometimes till closing time, the very last race to try win myself money, it's an awful hole to be in.

Just think how bad you feel now when you finally get the money and try and make you think how you'd feel if you lost the money. 1 day at a time is a useful approach, i've done 3 days.
Hello and welcome, you have made the first move and admitted that your gambling is unmanagable and out of control. This is an emotional illness that cannot be arrested on your own, you need to go back to GA and get back in to the program and this does not mean just turning up every week for a meeting. Those twelve steps to recovery have to be practised in all aspects of our life.
It takes work and being an intelligent person will alone not help us. I have seen people who could not string two words together come into the program and get it straight away and are still around after several years and their sharings at the meetings are usually very powerfull. 'Walk the walk' before 'Talk the Talk'.
You sound like you have a lovely family and they deserve the best from you.

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