Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
How do you explain that your going insane?
How do you explain that your going insane?
Where do you find the words to tell someone that you've got this addiction?
It's easy to tell someone you've messed up and lost this and that, here and there.
"Don't do it again", they say. Duh okay!!!
How do you say, it's not just a folly, and this isn't the opening act?
Every time I slip up it's worse than the last time.
I'm full of remorse. Why can't i feel like this before I gamble?
If the remorse could stay with me longer then the slips wouldn't happen I reckon.
I'm going to prescribe a large dose of remorse for myself and see if i can't hold onto it tightly.
Failing that, I really don't know. I'm tired and just thinking out loud. No reply necessary.

There is a reply neccesary! I was her, she was me. This was my life, thinking about mistakes, thinking about slips, continually living the rollercoaster then something twigged. Why single, why disorganised, why messy in my work, why untrusted, why, why, why....but then alleluah, the penny dropped. One thing and one thing only was holding me back from my dreams, dreams being to sleep in a nice hotel, be respected, be trusted, be normal that was gambling.

Where is the fun in doing that to yourself, now I strive, now I think forward, now I live for today. I stopped dreaming as that nice hotel, nice car, nice house were as difficult or as hard as I wanted to make them. So what no one sleeps by my side, no-one holds me like they love me, no-one answers to my please for help, because i dont need help I just need to focus on day by day step by step living and then when I feel I am not living i take a deep breath and say that was me I was that monster.

Gambling is something I never enjoyed, why?? because I was rubbish at it, I always lost!! Why did I always loose because it made my life focussed into that. Now my focus is different and something else will take my focus, maybe children, maybe a wife, maybe work who knows I dont really care what it is as long as I dont gamble.

When you get that strength and it comes with time it is rejuvinating, inspiring, its wonderful, yes im selfish I think about me and only me but I am damned if my urge to place a bet, put a quid in a fruity is going to drag me back to nothing and why because I gave up trying to convince myself this was just me that I couldnt be a better person.

You can and will and the only thing you have to do is say I cannot control some aspects of my life and most importantly live today...not tommorow.

Just for today I didnt gamble...

Get some strength girl there is a better life.....even if its less fun, less interesting, good things come to those who strive for them....step by step day by day.


Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)