last chance

[shazza71]

hi big daveand anyone else who took the time to read my depressing story.still intend going 2night but asi sit here just finishing mi dinner i,m tempted 2 go to the oddschecker website and see if thers a good thing that i can double up on and get mi money back and never have a bet again[how pathetic and sad is that] a just know am gonna fight this evil for the rest of my life.you can probably tell already that my genrel outlook on life is negative having been the product of 2 very negative parents who i have both loathed and at times blamed them for my unhappy life.i know they both love me very much and deep in my heart i love them to and believe me that was hard to say.dont know why i,m talking all this stuff about my emotinal attachments but some were along the line i,m convinced there linked.am still feeling guilty and annoyed with myself and thinking of how ican punnish myself although not much hurts anymore as over the years i,v devolped internal emotions where ican just shut down my feelings.through my stealing from an early childhood days i recieved lots of violent beatings from my father ,been black an blue from his thick grey leather belt but probably even worst was my older brother who bullied me into stealing but at the time i would of done absolutely anything for him and his attention,i thought he was my hero ,unfortunately it took along time towork out he was just using an abus,ing me.looks like i,v got a lot of unresolved stuff i need to dump.anyway at least am not gonna look at that evil website.going football 2morrow and not gonna have abet on the outcome etc so find more enjoyable.sorry for this negative post,just want to say the things that are in my mind right now.gonna do some housework now ,leavethe telly off and try to not watch c4 racing.think this may be helping me .would appreciate any advice