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Understanding Step one and step two.
(30-11-2011, 12:52 PM)Roxannesins Wrote: Hi Paula 
[quote pid='3913' dateline='1322657551']
Your kind of honesty therapy is very powerful, your ability to articulate your expereinces is exceptional.

I dont know if I would be able to share all of this in my meeting,
This happened once my fears reduced and my trust grew.

No you exposing your self helps your self and other understand your experiences of being a victim.
Your trust for sure is growing.

Being ashamed will reduce in time of self expressions.
Who you were is not who you are today.

By having a voice from peace you are setting boundaries today.

Shame is a self value or a person or and going against your own conscience 
Your sharing is very healthy.

Before my recovery default reactions was guilt and unworthyness.

Family try to be nurturing and encouraging towards their children the best way they can.

Your mothers extreme reaction to presecence of drink indicated that she had issues of her past not healed or resolved.
It may have been there were pains of your parents past that were not healed or resolved.

Such aggression and confrontation is not healthy in front of your children.

This was the case for me in my child hood, I tended to internalize their aggression and confrontation like I was responsible for how they felt.

Your mothers unhealthy reaction indicated that she had issues of he rpast.

Your mother was dumping on your father her pains fears and frustrations and was not able to interact or listen in healthy ways.

Of course you did want to leave, in your mind you were having fun and going with a very angry aggressive and confrontational person was not healthy for you.

Yes fear would be the reaction to such aggression and confrontation 

Because of the aggression and confrontation between your parents it was a form of emotional abandonment.

They were both unable to be emotional nurturing and encouraging towards you.

The gambling was a form of escape from people life and situations for me.

Your mother you say was there for you at a material physical level.

But may be not so at at an emotional nurturing level.

You may have hurt her yet at what level.

Do you think that she some how felt responsible for your emotional vulnerability.

Do you think that she transfered her pains fears and frustrations on to you.

Yes the wording she would feel threatened by your emotional vulnerability.

She would see and feel her self in you.

It is wise that you not tried to reach her on a deeper level.

She will not have the ability to look at her hurt inner child.

Understand she will still be living in her fears.

To set healthy boundaries is healthy for you but help her understand your not going to unhealthy places is not rejection or abandonment.

It is healthy you are not angry at her anymore, in accepting her limitations you are accepting serenity prayer and not hurting your self with expectations from her.

I do understand your Mum would feel threatened by your honesty and therapies.

Her instant reaction would assume it was blame and justification based.

Her instant reaction to questions she would feel like she was being interrigated by you.

Your Mum would not understand how dysfunctional her family was.

Your Mum is unable to be honest with her self hence she is unable to be honest with you.

Your Mum reaction to questions indicated how ignorant and inept she was and is today.

It is one unhealthy thing guilt and some people will use it to manipulate other people.

It is dysfunctional guilt tripping and some people do not even know they are doing it.

Your Mum reaction to questions may cause her to think you are trying to guilt trip her.
It may be an unhealthy reaction to her child hood experiences.

Your Mums unhealthy reaction may indicate that she is very vulnerable and not healed any parts of her life time traumas.

Even so the biggest part of her however loves me, sadly if a person lives in fear today it is very difficult for those people to have intimate relations today.

I am a non religious person.

It may have been that religion helped you get through some painful times.

What you wanted and needed from your parents they were not able to give you.

It sounds like both of your parents suffered deep trauma in their child hood.

When I was nine and ten years old I suffered abandonment rejection physical abuse emotional abuse and sexual abuse.

I even tried to take my own life because I felt so disconnected and inept at communicating my feelings and my emotions.

Perhaps as a child competing wa the only way you would feel successful in your self.

Sarcasm at such an early age undermines children and is very painful, 

You say you have always been very sensitive, being over sensitive indicates deep seated pains not yet healed.

In those days parents would express their feelings with money and material things and gifts.
They would say sorry with money and material things and gifts.

You ran out in the forest so that you could release my pains and your tears.

Sadly alone because people did not have empathy for their inner child they were unable to have empathy for your hurt inner child .

You don not think you was a child easy to love, that would indicate you were living in deep fear at that age.

Your wants and needs were far beyond any ones capabilities.

Your wants and needs would make people feel very inept.

Your father saw you in him self.

Yes down talking men indicates pains of the past not yet healed.

It was very painful to cry myself to sleep at nights because I felt so abandoned and emotionally vulnerable.

The drink your father was emotionally vulnerable yet could not talk about it.

Why pretend you had not seen him, fear, resentments, you felt vulnerable.

Your rejection was very painful for him to accept.

He did not want you to see his pains he had not healed..

At the door bell you had expectations and sadly by having such expectations of a vulnerable man you caused your self pain.

He did not want phone number book in the book, he wanted to hear your voice that gave him pleasure, that gave him back the healthy memories of your shared child hood with him.

It is very sad that you cursed him you were both victims who had not yet healed.

You would not have to hope any longer, you would have still had unreasonable expectations of a very emotionally vulnerable person.

You still miss him, indicates acceptance now.

Once our inner child heals we become self sufficient, we have empathy for our hurt inner child, accepting the serenity we accept other people limitations, that people are dysfunctional and do not even know it.

By being more aware of my our fear of intimacy we can do some thing about it.

Face your biggest fears first of all, ask your self what is the very worst that can happen am I willing to accept the very worst that can happen then our fears reduce.

Sadly live the same fear time and time again and never learn from it.

Every year the tax man, very year Christmas, etc.

Thank you so much for your honesty and your open sharing.

I am sorry for the delay in my response on this occasion.

With regards my feelings and emotions it is not about right or wrong good or bad it is about what is healthy or unhealthy.

Our serenity is helped by understanding if I am reacting in unhealthy ways or interacting in healthy ways.
So true Love myself. Trust myself. I am trying to accomplish this by building on healthy actions and healthy decisions. It is difficult though.

Love Dave

Messages In This Thread
Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 24-05-2011, 07:47 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 29-05-2011, 02:01 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 05-07-2011, 03:14 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Paula - 06-07-2011, 11:52 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 11-07-2011, 08:16 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 19-09-2011, 06:59 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 25-11-2011, 07:08 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 27-11-2011, 05:56 PM
RE: Understanding Step one and step two. - by gadaveuk - 15-07-2019, 05:08 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 09-12-2011, 05:07 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 04:53 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:31 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:34 PM

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