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My life before, during gambling and after i stopped gambling
#1
I am and will always be a compulsive gambler, which to me means i can never, ever gamblei n a controlled, disciplined way like normal people do. Even before i became a compulsive gambler i was a selfish, self centered, jealous , wanted to be rich , greedy , lying to impress people, getting angry easily . I had a big ego and thought i am so smart i will get rich without sweating and hard work others do . During gambling my character defects magnified. I lied , cheated, stole to get money to gamble which was lost with in few days. This in turn lead to self hatred and guilt. I was always tense, angry and didnt want to get out of bed if i couldnt gamble that day. i had lost all intrest in sports, music , reading , world affairs, never laughed. I not only lost lots of my own , borrowed and stolen money ---i lost all my friends , relatives , my health was going down the tubes , i didnt eat well , didnt sleep well, didnt excercise , didnt see doctors or dentist even when i needed , neglected work ---. During my long gambling years i was so possessed by money -nothing else mattered ---i thought i had a financial problem --- never thought i had a gambling problem which caused a financial problem----I was really living a very miserable life ---once i hadnt eaten for a day , sold my blood to have a meal, and then lost that money gambling---- I finally came to GA almost 12 yrs ago and the warmth and friendship i recieved after telling them what all awful things i had done --made me cry and changed my life forever --- Although i have been lost my abstinence few times i have always returned back to GA -- over the years in GA lots of changes have taken place in me . I have realised its impossible for a compulisive gambler to win money and pay debts by it for good . Only way to pay back debts is earning and paying back little by ittle. I dont lie , cheat or steal anymore . I see movies, see my denist ,docs regularly , new wardrobe every so often --, i was promoted at work , have gotten most of my friends and relatives and some new ones too---relationships are built on honesty and trust --, i even donate to charities . All these good things and working on GA's 12 steps have wiped off self hatred and guilt which used to torment me ---i have only recently learned not to get angry at other peoples words or actions--- It may sound crazy but i am much better person now than i was before i became a compulsive gambler--I go to 1or 2 meetings a week and have come this UK chat room 4-5 times a day every day for last 86 days --- i was born on this planet , went to hell and now i am in heaven ---only God and me knows how happy and healthy i am . Thanks to this chat room and GA
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#2
thankyou for a honest share martin, ur words always inspire me, ur a much valued member of this GA site as im sure you are at your meets.you always offer words of wisdom to all who enter the room, encourage ppl to get to meets and in general a happy chappy.

Thankyou again martin may the GA force be with you !

and......p.s change the squirrals diet ! <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->
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#3
Hi Martin, That is a story of recovery from gambling addiction. I too walked in your shoes.
I also embrace my recovery and sometimes I have to shake myself when I realize that it was actually me who did all those horrible things to fund my gambling habit.
Love to meet you if you ever get over to Australia.
Helen in GA Unity
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#4
Wonderful post which gives us all hope.every day spent away from gambling is special.looking back at that person we used to be is crazy,i cant believe how far iv come in a few months just from taking each day as it comes.
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