05-11-2011, 11:57 AM
Hi cp8546.
Well done on posting and starting to open up a window to the outside world.
I too felt all depressed and suicidal and was filled with selfloathing and hate. When you have tried to deal with your destructive behaviour over and over again and nothing seem to work, it just all build up within you.
For both of us, there is another way though. I can only stress this over and over again, there is hope even for us! We too are only humans, and no matter what we have done, we are worthy of understanding, acceptance and love. So many far worse off then the two of us have done it before, changed themselves and their whole outlook on life, through the connection to someting higher, being able to abstain from gambling and working within the 12 steps program.
For me reading around on this forum, posts from members in different stages of recovery, the "a day at a time" postings, the twenty question, posting myself, and then going to the chat, helped me build up the courage to go to a meeting. Everything then begins to build onwards from there.
Hope probably seems unattainable and like a fairytale for you at the moment, atleast it used to feel that way to me. I even tried to avoid hope all together, since with hope, I told myself, always came disappointment. But the kind of hope and inner awakening that I was subjected to within GA, is true hope. And true hope is lifechanging.
There is another way, and you can do it to. <3
Well done on posting and starting to open up a window to the outside world.
I too felt all depressed and suicidal and was filled with selfloathing and hate. When you have tried to deal with your destructive behaviour over and over again and nothing seem to work, it just all build up within you.
For both of us, there is another way though. I can only stress this over and over again, there is hope even for us! We too are only humans, and no matter what we have done, we are worthy of understanding, acceptance and love. So many far worse off then the two of us have done it before, changed themselves and their whole outlook on life, through the connection to someting higher, being able to abstain from gambling and working within the 12 steps program.
For me reading around on this forum, posts from members in different stages of recovery, the "a day at a time" postings, the twenty question, posting myself, and then going to the chat, helped me build up the courage to go to a meeting. Everything then begins to build onwards from there.
Hope probably seems unattainable and like a fairytale for you at the moment, atleast it used to feel that way to me. I even tried to avoid hope all together, since with hope, I told myself, always came disappointment. But the kind of hope and inner awakening that I was subjected to within GA, is true hope. And true hope is lifechanging.
There is another way, and you can do it to. <3