Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
My story
#1
Hi,

I don't know why I am choosing to tell my story to people I have never, and probably never will meet. I do so I think because it will help with my recovery, but also maybe because it may help someone else. I am a 29 year old man, I had a good job, a loving family, and a beautiful girlfriend who loved me very much. I still have a good job and a loving family but unfortunately my partner of 4 years has chosen not to be part of this journey with me as more than a friend, whilst this makes me sad I respect her decision and understand that I am facing the consequences of my own actions.

I don't know when my addiction started, perhaps with fruit machines as a teenager, perhaps with the odd football accumulator, and I am not sure it matters. What does matter is that I have a gambling problem, for years I have convinced myself that it has been under control and its just when I don't concentrate, don't focus or lose control that I have a problem, I convinced myself and those around me that I knew what I was doing.

Over the years, on many occasions I have bet money that I couldn't afford to lose, and have been bailed out by friends and family. Between the 23rd and 27th of December this year I hit rock bottom. Whilst I didn't gamble every single penny I had in the bank, I did lose everything. I stopped before I lost everything, and straight away told my partner. My partner is my rock and my best friend and has stood by me on two previous occasions while I have done this before, this was one time too many.

The 27th of December 2011 will be remembered for it was my last bet. I am confident that with the help of my family, friends and Gamblers Anonymous I will never repeat my mistakes. I have lost too much and can't loose any more in life. I really have reached rock bottom.

My first meeting is on 4th January 2012, but I hope I have already begun my recovery. So far I have confessed my addiction to my ex-girlfriend, parents, brother, best friend and 2 work colleagues. I still have other family and friends that I need to tell but so far I think I have taken steps. I have reluctantly, on doctors orders taken a week from work on sick leave. This week I aim to get my life back in my hands. I will get my job and my life back on track, even if my relationship is beyond repair. I will be remaining friends with my ex-girlfriend, we are best friends anyway, and I thank her for agreeing to help me as a friend. Maybe in time I hope our relationship can be mended but this is about her learning to like and trust me again and for that I have to respect her wishes if she never can.

I would like to add that whilst I have never stolen or committed a criminal act to finance my addiction, I committed something far worse when I destroyed the sacred bond between myself and my partner, and I will always hate myself for the pain I caused her. I know that I will always have a problem, but from now on I will control the problem, the problem will not control me. I have lost a lot, but now i start again.

This post was not meant to sound self righteous and I apologies if I have upset or offended anyone in writing this but if one person gets as much out of reading this as I did out of writing this then I know it was worth it.

Let me end by saying....

"My Name is Terry and I am a compulsive gambler"

Good luck people.
Reply
#2
Hi Terry,

Great to hear your story mate...and thank you...it helps me so much to hear from those who are struggling, but are working on their addictions....

I hope you did get to the meeting and maybe you will share your experiences with us? I remember my first meeting...it was a total blur...but the best thing i did was return the next week and continue my recovery journey...

I also remember the pain i put my family though...The best way I felt to repair that damage was to make sure I recovered from this addiction a day at a time and in GA i get all the support to making that happen...

Give your family a chance Terry...looking forward to hearing from you soon
Smartie
Reply
#3
The meeting was the most enlightening experience of my life. If ever there was any doubt in my life, and there was, that I was a compulsive gambler then by 30 minutes into the meeting that was gone. I did eventually tell as much of my story as I could, but I was choking back the tears and the chair of the meeting saw this and stopped me. At least I did enough to admit to a room full of strangers that I am a compulsive gambler.

The help, support and advice given to me in just 2 hours has given me the belief that this is the start of the rest of my life. I feel a sense of happiness I haven't felt for a while and for the first time in god knows how long I slept the night.

Thank you Paula and Jess for responding. Between this site and the meetings I am sure I am in the right place.
Reply
#4
Hi Terry,

Really glad to hear from experience of the GA meetings was a positive one and I hope you continue to enjoy the fruits of your recovery...

Please keep in touch...its always good to hear recovery therapies in action

In unity
Smartie
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)