21-01-2012, 12:17 AM
hi mate, your story really took me back to what i used to be like, everything hindering on the next spin or goal or race, if it comes in everything will be ok, ill be even, again and again i believed this lie, the problem is us, like you touched on even when i did manage to win back my loses i would continue to gamble and loss again and again. If this was the only problem I had then the answer would be simple. I would never place the first bet and therefore avoid the consequences of my insatiable appetite for gambling. Sadly i am a compulsive gambler which means that i can not keep the certain consequences of gambling in my mind. After a short time without a bet the consequences dont feel so bad anymore, maybe i will do it differently, just one bet, ill handle myself better now, ive learnt my lesson and i think i can control it, or im so skint i might as well bet anyway. This sort of thinking led me back to gambling again and again, i just cannot stay stopped. The frustration and self pity and self loathing i had was unbearable, i thought i was so weak. But i gambled again. I ended up going to a ga meeting and realized that i suffered from this illness that centers in my mind, i was told that people rarly recover on thier own and that there was a simple program of action which would totally remove the obbsession with gambling and that if i worked it to the best of my ability that i could recover and have a happy gamble free life.i got a sponser and worked the 12 steps of recovery, and work a daily program. as a result i have not had a gamble for nearly a year and a half and my life has continued to improve, but best of all by following the suggestions given by my sponser i feel like i never gambled, i am never tempted. i hope you find your way to a meeting, gd luck sam