10-05-2011, 05:41 PM
Dizzy11,
Your post made me cry again - looks like we are kindred spirits.
I feel in a better place today - talking on here and attending the meeting last night. Don't get me wrong, I have no hopes of a future with him, but will support him as I need to leave with a clear conscious.
I don't owe him that, I am doing this for myself.
You should get yourself to a meeting - there is ususally a separate room for partners and friends. It helps to talk, and you need to.
I am going to carry on attending as I need to repair my confidence and self esteem.
I even found some comfort from the gamblers - which took me by surprise.
When I walked in, my stomach was turning with nerves. I felt so ashamed, worthless, paranoid and disgusted. I didn't want to cry again, but as you know, the tears came easy and uncontrallable.
There was no miracle but the tiniest bit of hope for my future. I went to work today and got through it. Considering I wanted to take my life on Saturday night, I cannot believe on a Tuesday morning, I am getting ready for work. I think attending the meeting helped. You need to talk and talk and talk it out - and take the reassurance that it is not your fault. Like you, I don't understand it and how someone can treat you with so much contempt and hatred.
I have been given some booklets to read, but have not touched them yet. Still hurts too much.
I know I have to keep going until I believe in myself again. I thought I was a strong person. I give advice for a living for goodness sake so how could I end up needing counselling - I know all the answers!
Well, I do deep down, and I know that although I am the one everyone comes to for help, I need to be able to accept the help myself.
Keep talking until you have covered every single memory, argument and secret that this has caused. I'm a fine one really to give advice because I know I will hold back on some things, so I know that it may take years.
You take care and get yourself well again.
Your post made me cry again - looks like we are kindred spirits.
I feel in a better place today - talking on here and attending the meeting last night. Don't get me wrong, I have no hopes of a future with him, but will support him as I need to leave with a clear conscious.
I don't owe him that, I am doing this for myself.
You should get yourself to a meeting - there is ususally a separate room for partners and friends. It helps to talk, and you need to.
I am going to carry on attending as I need to repair my confidence and self esteem.
I even found some comfort from the gamblers - which took me by surprise.
When I walked in, my stomach was turning with nerves. I felt so ashamed, worthless, paranoid and disgusted. I didn't want to cry again, but as you know, the tears came easy and uncontrallable.
There was no miracle but the tiniest bit of hope for my future. I went to work today and got through it. Considering I wanted to take my life on Saturday night, I cannot believe on a Tuesday morning, I am getting ready for work. I think attending the meeting helped. You need to talk and talk and talk it out - and take the reassurance that it is not your fault. Like you, I don't understand it and how someone can treat you with so much contempt and hatred.
I have been given some booklets to read, but have not touched them yet. Still hurts too much.
I know I have to keep going until I believe in myself again. I thought I was a strong person. I give advice for a living for goodness sake so how could I end up needing counselling - I know all the answers!
Well, I do deep down, and I know that although I am the one everyone comes to for help, I need to be able to accept the help myself.
Keep talking until you have covered every single memory, argument and secret that this has caused. I'm a fine one really to give advice because I know I will hold back on some things, so I know that it may take years.
You take care and get yourself well again.