Hi John

I used to get similar dreams as well as the usual gambling ones. I think they are quite common. I like to believe that I have gained so much strength while I am awake at keeping my addiction at bay and having essential barriers in place that, the only time the illness can try to get back into my life is while I am sleeping.

There was a point when these dreams/nightmares would happen every night, this went on for years, it was not a great time for me. What has helped me is talking about them. I used to speak about them in my therapies in GA meetings quite often and with a counsellor. Although the counselling sessions were much more productive as my counsellor would give me feedback and often explain certain meanings. It was a great help but the process was quite an ordeal as I found much of the dream content rather difficult to explain let alone actually speak about. But, in the end worthwhile.

I rarely get those nightmares now, they seem to be a thing of the past. I suppose it is because I was able to explore them and give them closure.

Big Dave

Hi Mark

Well done and thanks for posting. I don't know what it is about sharing ones' experience, it certainly gives me a sort of inner sense of well-being. But, the only shares that matter are the ones that are written down. There are potentially millions of stories out there but unless they are shared with others they merely go to waste. All that experience that others will not learn or be able to relate to.

If people didn't share in meetings then what would the meetings be like? I certainly wouldn't have been able to learn what I have about my addiction over the years. The same goes for this forum, it relies upon people sharing, so thanks again for deciding to share something with us.

I hope you continue with GA for a long time and work the 12 Steps on a regular basis. Life will only get better.

Keep telling your story mate and never forget what brought you to your knees. Complacency is our addictions' 'trump card'.

Big Dave

Hi itsallgone

Congratulations on nearly two weeks off gambling. If it is anything like my first two weeks you must feel strange, but in a good way. It was exciting however, when the initial novelty wore off, I felt almost lost and regularly eager to escape back to the safety of gambling. The support of GA really helped at this point and the contact I had with the members from my local meeting was a real life saver. It is great that you have allowed GA to be part of your support network, it will pay a vital role.

I don't want it to sound horrible but you should be concerned about your next pay day and the forthcoming ones after that. Money burns a hole in our pockets. When we have no money it is much easier to not place a bet. If you have someone you trust who could look after your finances (maybe your mum) then take advantage of their help. I have met hundreds of GA members who thought they were strong enough to cope with the first pay day until it comes. If doing things your own way has not worked until now what makes you think it will be different now, because you've had a few weeks not gambling? Don't let pride get in the way of common sense!

I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

Big Dave

Hi Smithy

There are GA meetings all round the country so there should be no reason why you cannot find one to attend while you are away.

Big Dave

Hello.

This sounds very familiar, but I cannot speak for someone I have never met and only he himself knows how severe the problem is.

There are many different types of gamblers, many problem gamblers can go back to gambling sensibly, however, compulsive gamblers like myself and the majority of members in GA cannot. Before I admitted to myself the actual reality of my actions I would convince myself and those around me that I could easilyy get it under control. I couldn't face up to the fact that I was an addict until things got to breaking point. And, I don't mean getting found out, I mean shear breaking point within me.

Until that happened I would lie and manipulate everyone around me without care or concern of the consequences.

When I gamble I don't do it like others, I am compulsive, I have to do it over and over and over again. I don't stop (or I don't want to). Whether I am winning or losing all I want to do is be in action. Any compulsive gambler can relate to this fact.

I cannot tell you if your fella is a compulsive gambler like me, but knowing what I am capable of when I am in action, you have every right to be concerned and on your guard.

The only way I can live a decent life is without gambling in my life, I have seen so many lives ruined from it. I don't know any compulsive gamblers (in action) who are truly happy.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi sucre.

The process that takes a person from gambling despair to having the desperate desire to stop gambling ,then on to actually throwing everything into stopping, can often be a painful one. Self pity can often lead us back to the 'comforting' escape of gambling.

It is heard of, very often, that many people who cease going to meetings often go back to gambling. I for one do not test myself in this way. You said it yourself, while you were active in the Fellowship you stayed of gambling. Whatever country you're in, if you put the same effort in, the outcome should be the same.

I am only too aware that I have an addiction that can very easily manipulate my thoughts and make me react in an abnormal way to most things that life throws at me. You mentioned there that you didn't think anyone in the meeting cared about you, I can guarantee you you're wrong. For sure, not everyone is going to be able to offer you the same amount of support, as everyone is in their own recovery. Granted there will be members who will not care and are only out to for themselves but I think you will find that many of these people have not been around the Fellowship very long.

I would not be sitting here today writing this if there was no caring in GA. The fact that I am commenting on your post should say something and I am quite sure I will not be the only one.

You can do it mate. Just believe in yourself. I know you probably feel like the whole world is against you but I assure you there are many others in the same boat as you, I was once. I am not saying that everything is perfect for me today but my perception of life and how I cope with it has changed a great deal. It can be the same for you.

Get yourself back to meetings and keep going. Allow yourself to be part of the Fellowship.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi Nat

I too used to suffer from social anxiety (still do to a degree). I would get severe panic attacks when I found myself in large groups of people. To the point where I avoided large social gatherings altogether. It is strange though, as I haven't never really felt the same in a GA meeting. I am not sure why. Although slightly uncomfortable at first I find the meeting environment quite relaxing. And, as there is generally only one person speaking at a time, it is easy to focus on and not be deterred from anything else that might usually trigger a panic attack.

The first meeting I went to was in Watford and, thankfully, it was a small meeting back then, with only a handful of members. I found this very helpful. As time has moved on and I have got used to the meeting environment I have attended larger attended meetings to the point where now I am not phased by the numbers.

There are many 'smaller' meetings around which you might find easier to deal with. I really don't think you should entirely rule it out. I could have easily done this but the necessity for stopping gambling far out-weighed my initial discomfort of a GA meeting.

One thing is for sure, unless you help yourself in some way, this illness will only get worse. You said it yourself and I have heard others mention similar in the past, you were able to stop for 3 weeks or so (could have been any period of time) but when you went back and gambled it was like 'catch up'. If this addiction certainly is progressive and every time you go back to it this are worse can you imagine what the next binge will be like? And the next one, and the next one etc.....

I hope you manage to find something that will aid you to stop gambling. One thing that has helped me in my recovery is one on one counselling. I have an addiction counsellor that I see on a regular basis alongside my GA meetings and I have found it a real aid.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi Patsy

Thanks for sharing that. I am so glad that you found GA and have been able to get on the right path. many people never do.

One thing I took from your post, and think it is great (as it can be one of the first niggling hurdles to get over), is the way you have dismissed the financial aspect of the problem already. You realise that it is an emotional problem. It took me a number of months to get my head round that one, some can never understand it.

Meetings really are essential. One thing I found is that the more meetings I go to, the easier I find this addiction to deal with.

Keep it up!

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Just turn up to the meeting that's all you gotta do.

Hi BRIANTHEBEAR

It's great that you want to spice up your meeting. There are many different ways that you can 'mix up' the meeting. I have found over the years by going to many different meetings that it is good to see first-hand how other meetings are run and if they seem beneficial from the different format. People could make suggestions to you but they might not be beneficial or even successful in your particular group. After all, even though everyone has the same illness, the individuals are different and might not adhere to the change.

A group discussion can sometimes backfire depending on the overall unity of the specific group. I have seen members take offence when their opinions are opposed (can be seen as criticising) and this can lead to members never coming back. However, it can be beneficial if kept brief. I know of a few meetings who will utilise any remaining time when their therapies are finished to have a short discussion on any topics that might have been spoken about.

Although don't you think it would be better to ask your group this first, it is called a conscious meeting. Most meetings will have them maybe once a month or just a few times a year. They don't have to be long, just 15 minutes is normally enough time. Then you or any other member can make suggestions on areas they feel might need attention with the existing group. You might find that some of your more longer-standing members come up with a few excellent ideas that would be perfect for your particular meeting.

As there is no hierachy in GA it is only fair that any potential changes be made by the group rather than an individual. If you do decide to change something I would suggest you tell the group first but be prepared to go along with the old format if they are not keen on your idea. I have seen meetings nearly crumble because someone came along who decided to take it on him/herself to alter the format of the meeting. As human beings (and addicts) most people don't like change.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)