hi,been gambling for the last 18 years it got real bad in the last 10 out of control.7 months ago i broke down to my sister and parents and told them i have a problem i decided to go 1 -1 councelling.they gave me tips bank card to reliable person money into someones account etc, however it just hasnt worked ive gone to my old ways im at rock bottom again just blown my months wage in 1 hour its xmas im scared to tell my parents again not sleeping just suicidal thoughts dont no why i do it cant stop.

I think the most challenging thing for me is starting down this road is finding someone to talk to. Someone who understands that it's not just a case of stopping gambling, but it is stopping an addiction. It's not as easy as just going "right, I'm done gambling" and that's it. It's finding someone who can truly understand the range of emotions, the anger and frustration, the effort involved in trying to control it. That's what's been difficult for me because I never wanted to attend GA meetings.

I started when I was 18, just started working and had money to burn. I went to univeristy at 19 and as I live in Scotland as well as my tuition fees being paid I also got a loan and a bursay, the latter of which I didn't have to pay back. I only bet online, I think I've been in to an actual bookies maybe 4 times since I started. I actually have no idea what I'm doing in them but online it's just so easy - create account, deposit money, off you go. Its very easy to lose track. Not that I'm blaming anyone, it's always been my decision to start and to continue, to deposit, to chase losses. It's on me.

Started off with a small accumulator a week. Some wins, some losses but nothing too troubling as it was small money. Then I sunk in to the uni lifestyle; late nights, one class a day three times a week. And it changed from small amounts per week to the same per day. Staying up betting constantly throughout the day. Start with J-League football and move with the sun across the globe and end with MLS/S. American football. I'd create accounts with every online bookies, some times chancing my luck with duplicate accounts just for the sign up bonus. I'd win a bit, I'd lose some more. I'd get frustrated that I was sinking so much time in to researching bets only for them to fail and I'd be left unable to understand why. I would stay away from horse racing and tennis and golf, basically any sport where winning depended on a single person.

At 24 I graduated university with a meaningless degree and spent two years unemployed. I had to move back home with my parents. As I'm sure is the same for a lot of other people, the worse thing for me was time. My friends were moving on, getting jobs, having kids, getting married. I was feeling left behind. I developed a social anxiety as I was embarrassed at my situation compared to that of my friends and so stayed at home even more. The thought of having to go out and see these people, these people I had known for 10 years, nearer 20 in a couple of cases. I would gamble, and I would lose. Then I'd win some, withdraw my deposit so at least I could "end up even", then lose everything and deposit again as while the games I'd bet on were playing I was already researching my next bet and so was positive the next one would win, but the bets I had on lost so had to deposit as I was so sure the next would win. I ended up selling a whole load of my stuff just so I had money as JSA never covered my addiction despite me never going out. Birthdays and christmases I would ask for the most recent computer games or controllers, just as I knew I could sell them for money. It never became a case of 'what do I want' it was 'what can I sell for the most?'. Games, DVDs, consoles would all go. The one thing I am thankful for is that I never reached stealing from family members.

It got to the stage where I didn't even like gambling any more. I never watched the games I bet on, there was no enjoyment in it. It was just something to do to pass the time. It became such a routine. By this time I was becoming aware of my problem, of my addiction. I had self excluded myself from a lot of sites but there are ways around that. Not with all places but a lot of them. So with a different email address, different spellings/variations of my name and address and a new bank card and I was free to go again.

I finally got a job two years ago. It started off as part time, three to four days a week depending on shift availability. That kind of made it worse as I now had an income, I had a wage to spend. My friends were now long gone, reduced to sporadic texts and learning of their life through social media. So it continued. Six months later I was given a full time contract which I thought might help. I now had a job so was making plans - I was going to go on holiday, I was going to move out, I was going to lose weight, I was going to be better. I thought that I'd slip in to a normal routine, of working and sleeping. I wouldn't have time to bet as I wouldn't have time to research anything. That didn't work out. It just continued. And now I was earning a proper wage, so the amounts increased.

I would try to stop but I knew just stopping wouldn't work. That it is an addiction and the best route was to wean off. So I started paper betting. I wouldn't bet with money, just on paper. I would keep a running track of it so it was all there, figures and facts of how I was doing. Problem is I was doing well. I found myself winning more and more so I'd return to proper money, where I'd lose, chase and lose. I've joined online gambling communities where I've made online friends and spent a lot of time posting, which hasn't helped as I just end up getting sucked back in. I went on holiday for two weeks this year and stopped for that time, but as soon as I was back I started up again. I stopped again for two weeks in October but, again, that didn't last. I never admitted the extent of my problem to anyone. I'd lie about wins and never mention losses. I started seeing a girl 7 months ago and finally told her about it all, I know she doesn't completely understand the feelings of it but she's supportive.

I don't know how much I've lost over the last 10 years. I'm not even going to try and pretend it's not much, or it's just a little bit. But I'm going to stop. I've decided that I'm stronger than this. Yes, I've had a few false starts (I swore I'd stop almost every second day in November) but on the 30th November I placed my last bet. It's been a struggle so far, I thought it would get easier. I thought that after a while it'd become easy to ignore. I thought I could maybe do some paper betting, just to pass the time. But this weekend looking at my bets would have been a good weekend. A weekend good enough that I know would keep me going for months, that would feed my addiction for months as I could look back on it and go "yeah, but...". I know I'm going to have to stop paper betting too, it's not working. It's so easy to ignore the losses and focus on the wins, despite the first far outweighing the second.

So this is me. It's been 22 days since I last gambled. There have been days where I've become incredibly frustrated and angry that I couldn't get a bet on but I have shut down all my accounts.

Hi. Im 26 i have been gambling since the age of 20. It may not seem a long time 6 years.. but it has felt like a lifetime. The bottom line is im ill and want to get better. I have so much to be thankful for my 6 year old daughter has kept me going since day one. my family give me all the support in the world and im tired of letting them done. i have not had a bet since 11/12/13 i will always remember that date right!! Im going to get involved with GA because im tired of it all, it has taken abit away from me that i can never get back.. I dont want to get to 30 years of age.. 40 years of age and have nothing. I see so many postings on here of grown men in there 40's 50's and it scares me.

So i will keep you all posted. Good luck to everyone. for the first time in a long time i may actually feel happy at christmas and know that im on the road to recovery

I have been gambling for years but in the last 6 months I have been gambling heavy and have even used our wedding fund to try and chase losses. I can't believe I have done this and am at my wits end. I really need someone to talk to as I can not tell my fiance as I fear she will leave me. I don't think I can get to any meetings without her finding out so ddoes anyone have any adviec for me? Thanks in advance

Hi, I'm only 20 years old and a dad of a beautiful son that I don't get to see no more because of my selfishness. I've been in a downward spiral now for about 2 years and my friends, family and my ex-girlfriend have all broken away from me. I've tried to get to one of the GA meetings but I live no where near any of them and have no way of getting to them. Is there any other way of getting help because I really want to get out of this horrible habbit of compulsive and excessive gambling. Thanks all.

Hello.

So, what is it like '6 months on?'

Have you managed to stay bet-free? Have you been to more meetings?

Big Dave.

hi kazza well done, i have been free for 1 month n thats how i feel it has been difficult but each day is a result i know thats what my daughters think, giving up has given us our family unity back, i hope i never relapse but so long as i go one day at a time it should be good , you are the first lady i have spoken to on here i was beginning to think i was the only female gambler on here lol a bit like my ga meeting although they do hold ladies meeting on mon eve but thats when i cant make it, to be honest i do prefer one of the mixed meetings on fri eve even though it is just me n 12 men lol anyway keep it up u sound so positive well done

hi all this is the first time i have visited this site and i am hoping this will work for me;i have been a compulsive gambler for over 10 years now, my downfall has been the internet and having to retire from work due to ill health. Thanks to my gambling i have lost our home and have nearly lost my daughters due to my selfishness and deceit.I have attended a few GA meetings and my daughter has attended the family meeting too. I really am trying my best to attend the meetings but they are at night and in town so it means my getting buses and trams in the dark, i struggle to leave the house at the best of times so i am hoping to get support from this site to keep me on track especially over the xmas and new year period !!!! please can anyone who suffers from the same problem in reaching GA meetings reply to let me know how they manage to stay on track ? thankyou all n good luck in beating this illness x

hi there. i am new to this and want to get better and beat this nasty addiction. any help or kind words will be greatly appreciated. i used to have a decent life but 8 years ago was overcome and consumed by gambling and high street bookies. these have been the curse of my life since and been the cause that i find myself a very lonely individual without the precious company of ex friends and family who have been driven away by my indiscretions. finally i have made the step to admit and ask for help. its been a long and frustrating road but i am now here and my only wish is to recovery and be the person i once was. lets hope i am strong enough to cope with it all as this is my last role of the dice. take care everyone and stay clean. all the best.

hi not to sure where to start really...im mark im 26 and I have a gambling addiction

I came back from backpacking a year ago today with some debt. I started playing online poker to help clear this debt, then I made a big mistake and started playing online slot machines and I cant seem to stop. im thousands in debt I guess I keep playing hoping for that big win that will help me out. I won a fair amount once but in a day I had put it all back in. that's about 5 months wages for me. im so angry at myself things have just gotten out of control. I just took out a overdraft and blown it in minutes. no one really knows about this addiction apart from one close friend and he doesn't understand why I keep gambling. my dad has been making hints he wants me to move out soon and would kill me if he knew how much debt I was in.