My only suggestion to you is to go to GA meetings ASAP. There you will find all the help and guidance you require to stop gambling.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hello to all members of community,

I am new here and i would like to share my story. I am a 28 year old man, and have been gambling extensively over past 6 years, it started during my college days, because i lived and still live away from parents and their control. Last year has been really devastating. Now i sit here, work 2 or 3 jobs at time, trying to cover it up. I made an agreement with my banker to capture all funds i deposit and block me from withdrawing at all and gave him permission to make payments for me, the utilities and repayments.

According to surveys and quizes i always got label "problem gambler" because i was playing a lot of time, betting more and more heavily as my addiction escalated and last couple of months it reached a point where i became a pathological gambler.

I tried chasing hugely some half year ago, before that i had couple of big wins, and wanted to make my bankroll grow, but once it started going down, it was chasing harder and harder, then i lost all i have won and even more and more. I started to gamble away my wages just days after i got them, not to mention even they were supposed to pay off existing loans and sometimes even my utilities. I became aware of the pathological stage when i started to borrow the money of my friends to gamble. Fortunately, i still got all of my real estate, and didnt need to sell any to cover my loans yet. My friends know about my addiction and are trying to help me, and i still have them by my side, but any time i go gambling (mostly sports betting and roulette), irrespectible if i have losing or winning sessions i have so much shame and guilt, and i really dont know why i am doing it. I succeeded in not gambling for two weeks, just to return with small stakes, and have again lost not everything i had with myself, but a considerable amount. Now i hope it wont happen again, so i can start abstinating for longer time now, and hopefully forever. It is very hard at times, because dreams come back and temptations rise. That is what i am mostly afraid off.

I know a gambler loses everytime he/she goes gambling, it is not just for money, i compromised some of my relationships, the accumulated debt is my burden now, i have wonderful family, but i never admitted to them i am gambler. They did bail me out sometimes, although i never admited how much i really needed to cover for the consequences of my addiction. Feel guilty about it but just dont have guts to tell them. I am searching the way out on my own now.

You just need to turn up, it's as simple as that. There really is nothing to worry about.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi Andy

It is great that you went to a meeting. Was it before or after the meeting that you gambled?

You know as well as I do that you must put measures in place to help you stop gambling. Often spoken about 'barriers' should be enforced to enable the task of not gambling to be a whole lot easier.

Some barriers that might help you. Don't carry money around with you, it burns a whole in everyone's pocket. Phone someone (another GA member, or just anyone) when you get a strong urge to gamble. Don't go near gambling establishments, if you are nowhere near them you can't go in them.

One of the most important barriers I have always had in place is to think twice. The majority of problems that have occurred in my life, due to gambling, have been through acting on impulse. It is my downfall as an addict. When ever I find myself with a choice or dilemna I make sure I think about what lies in front of me. I have often found myself take reference to the guidance I have gained in GA, either from its members or from literature. I will always find a less damaging option to whatever it is I am contemplating.

All barriers that a person needs to put into place require effort though. They, unfortunately, cannot easily just be put into place/practice. We are creatures of habit, therefore we must continually and consciously do these new coping mechanisms in order for them to be successful. After a period of time we will get used to doing them and they become much easier to have in our lives.

I hope this is the start of better things for you Andy. Try and find it in yourself to accept the help GA has to offer. And, stop feeling sorry for yourself. We have all been were you are, many of us worse, so stop thinking that the whole world is against you. If you look close enough you will fill that it is YOU against you....let go of it!

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

I cannot advise you in your finances. When I stopped gambling in 2006 I had a very large debt. I was taught in GA that part of my recovery was to make amends to the people I had harmed, which including paying off my debts. Someone told me to just go bankrupt but that would not have helped me in my recovery. It is in my nature as an addict to always try to find the EASY option (the quick fix!).

It was explained to me the benefits of paying of my debts and the cons of bankruptcy. And, although bankruptcy had short-term benefits the long-term results might out-weigh any of the benefit gained.

Bankruptcy is anybody's choice, but for me it wasn't. I worked out what I could afford, made arrangements with my creditors and knuckled down to work. It took me over 3 years to pay off all my debts and let me tell anyone reading this, the emotional reward cannot be duplicated any other way. Even to this day I am (for the first time) proud of myself. Before stopping gambling I could barely string two consecutive months together of paid bills/direct debits, let alone 3 years of them. I would default often, it was in my nature.

Today I pay my bills without fail. Changing ones habits takes long periods of time and I am thankful that I received the correct guidance through a fellow GA member in regards to my finances.

Many GA members, however, do chose the bankruptcy option, but to be only honest they do not stay around very long and subsequently go back to gambling.....FACT

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

I suggest you start attending your nearest GA meeting, you will find all the help you need there.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Just when I thought I had heard every excuse for NOT going to a meeting I read yours!

When I first stopped gambling the first person I told was my partner; whether or not I wanted to tell her she had a right to know, along with everyone I knew. It would not have been fair to keep them 'in the dark' about what I was capable of.

My illness naturally makes me secretive, secluded and detached. When I stopped gambling I continued to act in this manner until I was made aware of it through GA. At the meetings and through other GA members I learnt not to live my life this way in times of stress, frustration, etc...

I remember many attempts at trying to stop gambling which, for me also, only lasted a few days. But until I was ready to do things differently and accept the help of others I would never stop for good. One of the first things I learnt was that if I wanted to not gambling I needed to stop lying too. Lying about my addiction only enables me to 'leave a door open' to gamble. The relief in not have to lie any more is a god-send.

I am in no way going to tell you that you must tell your wife (although many would), I am in no way qualified to do so and neither is anyone else on this forum. But, if you are serious about gambling, consequences aside, you will stop hiding away from reality and do the right thing.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi Andy

andy Wrote:do I or dont I?

Hi Cliff.

Although people might say addiction is addiction. Alcohol and gambling abstinence I believe are slightly different. However, the recovery should be just the same!

I truly believe that if someone is applying the 12 Steps properly and working the program then there should be no cross addiction. Replacing one addiction with another is not recovery.

In GA, it is an unfortunate fact that, very few members even attempt the Steps and this lack of encouragement can be passed on to other members. Also, very few have sponsors and, as a result of this, there are very few dedicated Steps meetings around.

Things changed for me when I started working the Steps. I have gone through them with a sponsor and in a group and, without a doubt, the group method I find much more beneficial.

GA is all about self help. The more you put in, the more you get out. It certainly isn't about just turning up to a meeting and expecting your life to change because you sat through 2 hours of therapies. The real work continues outside the meeting place.

On page ten of the orange book it mentions that the personality change, that is necessary to stop, gambling requires diligent effort. It is up to you Cliff to put that effort in.

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)

Hi Andy

I am not sure if you are the same Andy who used to post on here a few years back, you write very similarly anyway. However, it doesn't have to be a white-knuckle ride!

You wrote:

"Its always going to be on a knife edge,I cant be bothered to go to meetings even though they work,Im bored of going through exactly the same process every time."

The meetings do work, and I am sure you know that by ignoring them and trying to do it on your own, this way is destined to fail miserably. trust me when I say that however you feel right now you can feel a lot worse. This is a progressive illness. i don't mean the gambling itself, I mean the consequences of gambling.

The only thing that has worked for you is meetings! There is no reason why they cannot work again. It was spoken about in my meeting last night, how and why people break out often long periods of gambling. On page 6 of the orange book it mentions that 'the GA program will always work for anyone who wants to stop gambling'. If you have broken out then the chances are you were not working the program. Something I ask myself regularly is, am I doing enough. After all it is a self-help program. On page 10 of that book it mentions about a change from within is necessary and that it requires diligent effort. I often ask myself 'Am I putting in enough effort?' Quite often the resulting answer is no. And, it often is for others too.

Please go back to your meetings Andy. Don't be yet another addict defeated by this illness. You must find the strength from somewhere to face this problem, but don't try to do it on your own.

It doesn't have to be a white-knuckle ride!

Big Dave (Eastcote/Uxbridge)